Sunday, 31 January 2010

BPAL of the day: Lambs-Wool & a meme

According to William Shepard Walsh, the Gentleman's Magazine for May of 1784 stated, "this is a constant ingredient at merrymaking on Holy Eve." He also quotes Vallancey's etymological speculation: "The first day of November was dedicated to the angel presiding over fruits, seeds, etc., and was therefore named La Mas Ubhal, -- that is, the day of the apple fruit, -- and being pronounced Lamasool, the English have corrupted the name to Lambs-wool."

A popular holy day beverage in 18th century Ireland: roasted apples mashed into warmed milk and ale, with nutmeg, sugar, ginger, and clove.

OMNOMNOM. You know those year-round Christmas stores in little tourist towns? Yes, yes, YES!!!!
Apples, at first. Juicy, amazing, RED RED RED apples with cinnamon. Then a little bit of the ale comes through. Delicious. Absolutely gorgeous, I could eat myself. Can't-hardly-smell-anything-husband even loves it. It's the kind of thing I would put on in August when I'm pining for the holidays. I adore it and kind of wish the milkiness came out on me, but it just doesn't. It's terribly comforting, nonetheless. I'm massively menstrual today, along with attendant emotional crashes that come when you're trying to conceive and your period not only comes, but comes early.... So this is just exactly what I need today. Wrapped in familliar, comforting scents and in a sandwich of hot water bottles.

There may even be some Disney involved later today. ::sigh::

I'm just not feeling it today, y'all.
Have a meme, on the house.

I say ... and you think ... ?

1. Furniture :: polish
2. Beauty ::
3. Sip ::
4. Block ::
5. Forehead ::
6. Championship ::
7. Hurl ::
8. Whip ::
9. Destruction ::
10. Leather ::

BPAL #2 of the day: Cheshire Cat

I had a shower earlier and the scent from my make-me-sparkly-everywhere-yes-everywhere dry oil body spray has worn off and I'm not ready for Nanshe-sleep yet so I threw on some Cheshire Cat. I so totally want a bottle of this sometime, because sometimes a girl just needs to smell like candy and madness.

Grapefruit, red currant, dark musk, Roman chamomile, delphinium, and lavender.

It's definitely the Disney Cheshire Cat. It's super pink and purple stripey with a huge smile and those yellow eyes that give the indication of the hint of malice in his madess. We are all, in fact, mad here.

As per usual, I'm not in accordance with the forum generalization of hardcore grapefruit. I'd love that, but I'm just not getting it. I'm getting.... well, the Disney Cheshire Cat. The grapefruit is there, but it's pink grapefruit surrounded by pinkness. Not flowery or fruity pink, more of a cotton candy pink without actually smelling like cotton candy itself. There's a definite under-musk that gives it its cattiness and the grapefruit does add a gorgeous sharpness that catches you off guard and taps you on the shoulder when you're not looking and is gone before you can turn your head to see who tapped you, but the smile of it is still hanging in midair, creeping you the fuck out. I reallyreallyreally want a bottle of this. It's a perfect example of totally-harmless-kooky-ain't-I-bonkers? with underlying violent, unpleasant tendencies masquerading as SUPER FUCKING SUGAR COATED SWEET which is pretty much my default in social situations. It's definitely the most me BPAL scent I've tried. My imp's almost gone & I got it less than a month ago. I'm using it up way too quickly. It's delicious and just right and I'm not sure how I'll live when my imp runs dry.

Saturday, 30 January 2010

Pet Peeve & BPAL of the day:

As I type I'm letting my husband choose a BPAL imp for me to wear from my bigger bag of little bags. Devil's Night is leaking. Boo. He chose Pannychis, but I have some Devil's Night on my fingers so that's gonna warp things. Know how much I care? Zip. I mix & match. Devil's Night is real nice, by the way. :D But as for Pannychis...
An attendant of the Goddess Venus. She presides over nocturnal pleasure, nighttime festivities, and all the joy and delight that can be found in the darkness. In later ages, it became the name of the all-night festival that closed the Eleusinian Mysteries. Night-blooming jasmine, moonflower, cardamom, sandalwood, black currant, ylang ylang, frankincense and lily.

Hel-LO! This is gorgeous. Night-blooming jasmine is one of my all-time favorite smells. I inherited the love of it from my dad who grew up in Miami where the nights smell positively divine. (Ooh, idea... they need to do one that's night-blooming jasmine and orange blossom. Miami scents ftw) The ylang-ylang comes out on me plenty, which is awesome. And the cardamom & sandalwood, though I can't pick them out individually, give this a wonderful darkness & help stop it from being a straight-up hot floral mess. I definitely like it, I'm a ylang-ylang fanatic, so very much yes. I don't know if I'd buy a whole bottle, but I very well might change my mind when my imp's gone.... and meanwhile, you know, I'd certainly accept a bottle as a gift. ;)

This feels like it may last a good long while on me too, if it does, and it's still around in a few hours without having to reapply, it'll move up my list dramatically. I adore perfumes that last, it's so rare on me.

And so, moving on.

I have an issue.

Dear straight women:
Please stop referring to attractive gay men (particularly celebrities) as "a waste."

They are celebrities. They are hot. You wouldn't have a chance ANYWAY. They are not a waste. The only wasteful thing about any of the above pictured gentlemen is that too many of them died too early of AIDS. Life waste. Not they're-not-going-to-fuck-you waste. It's insulting. Stop it. They are amazing as they are, their preferring a different gender to mine doesn't preclude me having crushes, fantasies, admiration... And it sure as hell doesn't stop me enjoying the eye candy. That faux-rueful head-shaking, "knowing" wink, "what a waste, huh?" makes me want to SLAP you. Don't do that. Ever.

Or I will sic scary clown NPH on your ass.

Bad news.

Well, until my period starts. PMS boobs + pointy wings sitting at a weird angle due to swelling and catching on things = OMG OWWWW.

I also decided I prolly better not take Thor to the States if we get to go visit my family in a couple months, not so sure airport security would appreciate it, and having to explain wtf that is poking out my sweater to my grama.... yeah, not so much.

Bonus BPAL

I'm in bed.

I feel like shit. I am lonely when my husband is asleep even though he's right next to me. I'm pms-grumpy and tense, I have a bloody awful migraine, and I need a hit of roses. Til my Peacock Queen gets here, the best I can do is Ophelia.
Wistful and vulnerable: lotus, water blossom ivy, stargazer lily and white rose.

...sayeth the site. On me, the roses come first and stay longest. I got this imp from Brooklynne, wrapped up in my namesake yarn, and it's beyond gorgeous. The stargazer is very background on me, but it's definitely there, which lifts me up immensely. Stargazers are my favorite flowers and I very much like to poke my tongue all the way down inside them. They are delicious in there, and you get pollen on your nose.

I desperately want a bottle of this, but it would be dangerous, as I would surely try to drown myself in a 5 ml bottle if I had a bad enough day. There is a willow grows aslant a brook, and all that shit.

Anyway, here is some totally gratuitious eye candy:


Friday, 29 January 2010

BPAL of the day: Opium Poppy

Description from the site:

Opium teaches only one thing, which is that aside from physical suffering, there is nothing real. A bitter, soft, fragile flower.

I'm feeling the physical suffering today. It's definitely real. Epic migraine ftl. So I thought this would be appropriate, given the amount of codeine I'm shoving into my facehole.

It's dry. It's quiet. It's floral but not sicky-sweet. It's smokey but not raspy. It's gorgeous. I just wish it was.... more. It's too quiet. I want it to smell exactly the same, but MORE. I guess that makes it even more awesome, that I just want more and more and more of it. Well done, making-me-want-to-buy-it-wise, BPAL. :D I may be hooked.

And once again, the reviews on the forums hardly correspond with what I get at all. It's not heavy, sweet, or soporific, which is what most people seem to get. I definitely want a whole bottle, but it's not #1 with a bullet.

Edit: the longer this is on, the more I love it. I keep sticking my face down my sweater to smell myself. In my top 5 to buy list, for sure.

It's been Friday for nearly 2 hours.


1. Wouldn't it be easy if people didn't have to poop?
2. Your mom was better than ever last night!
3. I love the taste of feta-stuffed olives straight out of the jar, standing naked in the kitchen in the dark at 2 in the morning.
4. There is a huge mess about which I couldn't possibly give less of a shit in the living room.
5. The first thing we're going to do is nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
6. drip...... drip...... drip...... drip, drip, drip; SPLOOSH.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to I don't know, I really hope we don't have any plans, but somehow I think we do, tomorrow my plans include whatever happens, I'm just along for the ride and Sunday, I want to dress up like Liza Minnelli and do an interpretive dance about hamsters, but I probably won't!

What? You know you're all thinking it. :P

Thursday, 28 January 2010


I think I will blog my BPAL. Through my awesome friends, I seem to have somehow amassed a tidy little collection of imps & I'd like to keep track of what I love. With my weird skin chemistry (I bleach sheets and towels and stuff just by using them, I have no idea what's up with that), I can't rely on most other people's reviews on the forums and such. Yesterday I wore Bastet, and it immediately shot to the top of my to-buy list. It was warm and deep and smelled of savory baking, the saffron came out so well on me, and it lasted a good long time, which is awesome. Redhead-type complexions don't hold scent well, so that's a super plus. Also, my severely smell-challenged husband a) could actually smell it and b) liked it a lot. Also I love kitties. So, super win. It actually reminded me a little bit of a softer, deeper version of Over-The-Rhine from Possets Perfume, which I adore.

Today I have put on Hell's Belle, which is pretty lovely. It smells like a woowoo new-agey shop, but one with a secret back room where the Malfoys & LeStranges would shop. It gets better and better as it dries, but doesn't hang around too long, which makes me sad. I wish the smokey notes that other people seem to get would come out more on me.

After stalking the website for about a decade, it's bizarre that I only actually own 2 bottles: Nanshe, (blogging about which is what gave me this idea), and Tombstone, which smells like my wedding. The west in the summer and sweet wood smoke. Mmmm.... That one's super special.

I've got a third on the way, I asked on twitter what the most disgustingly overpowering, pure rose scent was, and Peacock Queen was suggested. Reading around, it seems to be too much for most people. TOO rose. Which is precisely what I want. That heady, almost alcoholic, deep, intense, make-your-head-swim, ridiculous rose... I went to search for it & discovered ZOMG it was a limited edition from Christmas and was only available til February 2nd. But I have an awesome husband who was wondering what to get me for Valentine's Day... problem solved.

It's probably dangerous that we've figured out how to have them ship to the UK. I can see all my few-and-far-between little spots of fun money going directly to them. Because when you buy a bottle, you get even more samples. ;)

Half-Nekkid Toga Party Plus Epic Bloggery About Nothing Much And A Poem

Oh, snap. Looks like the blanket cave is good for other stuff too. :D
I dunno, I was feeling all artsyfartsy and I thought I had good angles, as Tyra would say.

In other non-half-nekkid news, ZOMG I am designing a knitting pattern. FOR REALS!! Jewles wanted a cowl. A chunky, soft, charcoal grey cowl. I had a gander at all the free cowl patterns on Rav and basically thought, "Hrm.... I could do better." Now, I've knitted stuff from scratch before, without a pattern, per se... just various stitch dictionaries and stuff I already knew, etc... I thought about putting out a pattern for the Bee Scarf that I made up for this wonderful cause...

...but I thought it was maybe a bit too silly or derivative or simple. I don't know, I still might, I wrote down exactly what I did somehwere even though the scarf has gone on to fulfill its bee-saving destiny. I hope it's happy and keeping someone toasty warm and bright. Anyway. This time I'm doing the same thing, a stitch from this dictionary, an edging from that hat, modified to fit the shape and size of what I'm doing, plus a few ideas of my own of what I'd like in a cowl if I actually wore them and what I think would look pretty on the intended recipient.
I'm going to have to make up another one in a smoother yarn once I finish, because fluffy yarn hides a multitude of sins. It may be entirely ugly when you can see the stitch definition, who knows? Right now, though, in this fluffy, ambiguously weighted yarn, it looks killer. So far.

If I do end up putting it up on ye olde intarwebs as a proper pattern, it's also going to need a name. I have a few ideas kicking around, but I'll need to do some searching to make sure I'm not ripping anything off or being too unoriginal.

But yes, all this talk of knitting, you say? That means you have YARN? Oh fucking snap, yes I fucking do. Louise gave me £50 worth of Hobbycraft vouchers for xmas because she is beyond amazing and is my total bff (NOT BECAUSE SHE BUYS MY LOVE WITH YARN), and I WENT YARN SHOPPING, MOTHERFUCKERS.

It was brilliant. I haven't properly done that in over a year.
Lookit the bounty!!!!!

Also I got eyes for little stuffed dudes, and ZOMG STEGOSAURUS BUTTONS!!!!!!!!
That floofy dark grey on the far left is what I'm using for the cowl, and the skinny black cotton right next to it is for some crochet lace opera gloves for Brooklynne. So, yes, I spent a fair amount of my gift money on other people. *shrug* What can I say? I give until it hurts. ;P Speaking of which, I'm sending Melissa her Ianto tomorrow: well as mailing out the final LSG traveling scarf. *single tear*

Grah. My internet keeps cutting out and coming back and cutting out ad nauseum. I better stop before I totally hulk out. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. And I'm PMSing like a mofo right now. Which reminds me...

An Ode To PMS Boobies
O, fairest Bunny & Piglet
(yes, they have names, shut up)
Why you gotta hurt so bad for so long?
I have stairs in my house that I have to go up
and down countless times a day.
You make that fucking difficult.
And is it necessary to spread that pain
all the way into my armpits?
I don't look very good holding my arms out
like freaking chicken wings.
You hurt with a bra,
you hurt without a bra.
You don't respond to opiates,
The only good thing I can say about you
is that you look fuckin' killer this week
and I almost feel as though I have my awesome rack
from when I wasn't so skinny.
So, thanks for that.
It almost makes up for the misery.


Tuesday, 26 January 2010

I would like to thank the Academy...


Spotlight HNT on e[lust] ftw!!!

So, yeah, I basically feel like I have tricked the entire internet, as I am not in any way special or sexy, I am just a bizarre, terminally bored chick with a webcam and not a lot of shame.

That said, I would like to thank my dad for the Sicilian genes that gave me my fabulous ass, my mom for the nice legs, Tyra Banks for teaching everyone the importance of the booty-tooch, pms-boobs for looking better than usual even though they hurt like a bitch, and my husband for the awesome haircut and for realizing that since he basically met me being naked on the internet that it would be ridiculous to complain about me being naked on the internet now we are married.

In other news, the beard hat I knitted for my brother-in-law is IN ACTION on his ski vacation!

I *so* win knitting.

Saturday, 23 January 2010

You be the judge.

Harry Potter + Farmville fanfic.
Pinnacle or nadir of society?

I am agog.

MLK in the white wilderness....

In the small town in rural Idaho to which my parents retired, there are, at a rough guess, less than a dozen black people. It's VERY strange after their entire lives in Atlanta and Miami. Many of the kids in my mom's 1st grade class have literally never seen someone not white or Mexican in person. She does her best to show them cultural diversity they may not otherwise ever see. This was the epic winner of the MLK Day coloring pages she got this year:

That is a fine suit, Dr King.

Thursday, 21 January 2010

Half-Nekkid Thursday, once again.


I got a haircut!

THE HAIR, PEOPLE!!!! You're supposed to be looking at my half-nekkid HEAD, jeeez!! :P
Best thing about your husband being super-awesome with the clippers is nekkid haircuts, followed closely by no awkward, stilted hairdresser chat.

"So, do you have any plans this weekend?"
"Um... I'm gonna sit on my ass and play Farmville and knit."

"Do you you have the whole day off, or are you going back to work after this?"
"Um... I don't work. I sit on my ass and play Farmville and knit all day."

"You're American?!"
"Um... yes."

Hate that shit.

*pets own head*
I love being freshly shorn.

Punkrawk cockatoo, at your service.

I enjoy Thursdays because they are the Fridays of Friday.

**Edited Feb 6:
Trying to thwart a bot.
Sorry for losing all the comments on the original post, had to delete & repost.

The Scent Of A Blanket Cave.

The blanket cave smells like Nanshe, from BPAL's Somnium line:

The Babylonian Goddess of Dreams, who bestows the power of Oneiromancy onto her priests. This blend opens up psychic sensitivity during sleep and aids in the understanding and correct interpretation of portents and symbols.

Whatevs. I got a sample aaages ago and put it on in bed. I frequently wear perfume to bed even if I haven't worn any during the day, I dunno, it just comforts me, so when I read its little blurb, how could I resist? Who knows? I have bizarre dreams all the time as it is. It smells good, and after a whole imp's worth of putting it on at bedtime, I totally came to associate it with sleep, so I had to get a whole bottle. Good work, on that one, BPAL!

To and on me, it smells like freshly cut raw ginger root. Maybe a little lemongrass in there. Lots of other people seem to get lemons, lavender, all sorts of other stuff. But on me it's overpoweringly ginger, and I LOVE it.

Also the blanket cave smells of girl and sleep and 'Nilla Wafers, which (bizzarely) seems to be my default naturally exuded scent. Maybe I am secretly a cookie princess.

Wednesday, 20 January 2010

Blanket Cave Buddies.

I often get asked: "Say, Patience, what's that awesome stripey thing that your boobs get to sit on in all your pictures of you in blanket caves?"1

Well, kids, that's Nyago. I either got Nyago from an ex or bought him for myself while I was shopping with an ex, I genuinely don't remember, such is the power of the ex-banishment from the awesomeness that is Nyago. (He peed sitting down so as not to exert his male privilege over the toilet. See whyfor the banishment?) Nyago used to be a Sanrio character but was dropped. I have no idea why, and I will forever be mad about it.

Nyago is a SLEEPY KITTY who likes to SLEEP. Maybe Hello Kitty got pissed that he was promoting narcolepsy to children. Who knows?

I have a few Nyago things, but this pillow/cuddly guy is the best. Long Cat is long.

He is equally good as a pillow or a cuddler. Nyago kicks so much ass that he can even multitask in his sleep.

1 I have never actually been asked this.

Tuesday, 19 January 2010


I made one. I'm not sure why. I'm still not even sure what it is. I dunno. There will probably be boobs. You should follow it.

Monday, 18 January 2010


I'm trying to watch the Golden Globes with my girls. Fuck y'all.

Sunday, 17 January 2010

What? It's been Sunday here for nearly 3 hours.

Haven't done a Sunday Stealing in aaaages.

Sunday Stealing: The Trivia About Me Meme


Do you get regular massages?
Psht. I wish.

Do you have an answering machine?
Emphatically not.

What cuss word do you use the most?

Are you underweight or overweight?
Surprisingly, I think I may be just about right at the moment.

Can you see your veins?
I am intensely translucent, yes.


EastEnders. What? Is that not what you meant? I'm a bodywash kinda girl anyway.


Kind of red meat?
Salmon's kinda red....

Salmon. As raw as possible.

Candy bar?
Do Reese's cups count as candy bars? Fuckit, they do now.

Have You Ever…

Eaten a whole bag of potato chips?
Waaaaay too frequently.

Eaten lobster?
Waaaaay too infrequently. God, it's been ages since I've had a lobster. Mmmm.....

Climbed a mountain?

Been skydiving?
Nope. I'd like to try.

Been water skiing?
Nope. Not sure about that one, I kinda suck at that whole balance thing.

Do You…

Wish you could change something about your life?
Yeah, I want a shitton more money.

Like your nose?
Yes, I have to admit to being particularly vain about my nose. I think it's quite a fine nose, and I particularly like my new tiny sparkly stud, though it is equally as charming a nose when it has a ring through it.

Like salt and vinegar chips?
Oh hells, yes. Down the pub with a bag of salt & vinegar, a cigar, and a pint of cider. Yes, please. COME BACK, SUMMER.

Eat salsa?
Not as often as I'd like, there's no Mexican food in this godforsaken, bland wilderness of a country.

Own a boat?
No, but I'd love to. Even just a little canoe. I adore boats, it's in my blood.

What Is…

A small thing that people let slide but that actually has dire consequences?
Misusing the word "literally." The dire consequences being that I fucking kill you if you do it.

Your most macho trait?
Objectifying women.

The longest relationship you’ve ever had?
Close to 6 years, I think?

Your most embarrassing thoughts?
Usually involve Joey Fatone.

Your most shameful moment?


That's entirely dependent on the situation. If I need to like, get clean, a shower. If I need to relax, a bath.

Crayons. Anyone wanna hook a bitch up with the biggest box of Crayolas they're making these days, I'll love you forever.


Jelly/Cream Cheese?
Mmmmm creamcheeeeeeese......



My greatest weakness is…
Babies. And animals. And baby animals. And boobs.

I wish I was…
Masuimi Max in this photo:
Fuckin' classy, yo.

Three things I wouldn’t do for a million dollars are…
I'm having a lot of trouble with this one. I'm REALLY broke and fairly shameless.
Um..... Well, I certainly wouldn't leave my husband, give away my kitty, or part with Mister G.

The oddest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth is…
God... I gnaw on random things all the time without hardly noticing.... who knows? Hm... I ate a chocolate covered ant once.


Credit card you had?
Haven't ever had one. Will never have one. That would be the most epically dangerous thing to happen.

Loan you got was for?
Never got one.

Paycheck was for how much?
Hm...... I think it was around $150, but I'm really not sure.

Time you had stitches?
I was 2, I stuck my hand into the trash at my aunt's house & cut my finger on a can. Then I bit one of the stitches out & had to have it put back in. I still have the scar on my finger.

Time you went to the hospital for something?
Prolly when I shut my thumb in the car door... At a guess I was 9 or 10?


List everything you ate in the last 24 hours?
Rice, a candy cane, and some instant noodles.

Last thing you used a credit card for?

What was your job previous to the one you have now?
Previous to trophy housewife? Hot librarian.

Last thing you celebrated?
New Year's

Last time you were at a sports bar?
Hrmmm.... trying to remember if we hit any last time we visited the states. I wonder if Tony's counts as a sports bar. They have a bar and big tvs which sometimes show sports.... So if that counts, then slightly over a year.