Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Mr G

I would like to introduce Mr G:

That is (predictably) short for Mister Gorilla. Mr G is, in just about equal proportion to my husband and my kitty, the most important thing in my entire life. I've known him WAAAAY longer than either of those other guys combined. I found him at the circus when I was little, rubber banded to a stick, of all things. I rescued him and he has spent literally every night with me since. He's been all over the world with me (he does NOT travel in suitcases, he sits with me on planes and gets a seat of his own on road trips) and knows absolutely every secret I have ever had. He has a deep, gruff voice and can be rather surly at times. He's massively protective of me, and I wouldn't have married Owen if Mr G hadn't approved. He's put up with a lot, and known a lot of people. My family and friends and everybody I've dated have known him and understood his awesomeness. Sometimes he hits on my mom. They have a very special relationship, actually. She always tries to keep him when he visits her. Mr G might not want me telling this to the world, but I trust you. He is the head of the Gorilla Mafia and has a lock on the world's banana supply. He has.... well.... occasionally a bit of a drinking problem, but he's really a good guy. Every time I watch King Kong he watches with me, he even came to the theater with me to see the remake. We loved it. He's been to Rocky Horror with me many times of a Saturday midnight, and spends every Christmas morning and New Year's Eve with me, right in the thick of things. He's got a little New Year's hat he wears every year. He was the ring bearer at my wedding, he preceded me up the aisle with the best man, and he had a little satin ring pillow and everything. (Yes, he did come on the honeymoon. I said he spent every night with me, and I meant every night!) My in-laws know him and love him, too. He doesn't mind being used as a pillow sometimes, or even an armrest while I play my DS in bed, but his favorite thing on earth is to have his face between my boobs while I lay on my tummy to read. He is exceptionally comfortable. I've sewed up many owies on his arms and legs and my mommy gave him a nose job before the wedding. I often give him kisses on his nose and the original vinyl had worn away to flakes, so she sewed him a lovely soft leather nose that is supremely smoochable. He likes the ladies A LOT, but sometimes when he's had a bit to drink he can hit on anything nearby. Since I learned to knit nearly a decade ago, I have been promising him the bright orange overalls he wants so bad, I think I may have finally developed enough skillz to confidently attempt this sometime soon. Mr G is what I would grab if the house was on fire and I love him with everything I have in me.


  1. Awww I am so happy you've introduced Mr. G to us. I like him a lot already!! Will he hit on me if I give him booze?

  2. What a hunk. I'd let him cop a feel.

  3. I've never met Mistah Gee, but I know of him, of course. Tell him I will meet him some day and he can hit on me all he wants. ;)