Wednesday, 25 February 2009

Knitting Meme

LSG blogstalking found me this.
Bold the things you've tried.

American/English knitting
Baby items
Cable stitch patterns
Charity Knitting
Combination knitting
Continental knitting
Cuffs/fingerless mits/arm-warmers
Designing knitted garments
Domino knitting
Drop Stitch Patterns
Dyeing Spinning Fibre
Dyeing with plant colors
Dyeing Yarn
Fair Isle knitting
Free-form knitting
Garter stitch
Graffiti knitting
Hair accessories
Hats: Cuff-up
Hats: Top down
Holiday related knitting
Household Items
Kitchener stitch
Knitted flowers
Knitting a gift
Knitting a pattern from an on-line knitting magazine
Knitting and purling backwards
Knitting art
Knitting for a living
Knitting for pets
Knitting for Preemies
Knitting in public
Knitting Items for Weddings (okay, well crocheting)
Knitting on a loom
Knitting smocking
Knitting socks (or other small tubular items) on one or two circulars (that'd be the "other small tubular items, I'm a dpn sock girl)
Knitting to make money
Knitting two socks on two circulars simultaneously
Knitting with alpaca
Knitting with bamboo yarn
Knitting with banana fiber yarn
Knitting with beads
Knitting with Camel Yarn
Knitting with cashmere
Knitting with circular needles
Knitting with cotton
Knitting with dog/cat hair
Knitting with dpns
Knitting with Linen
Knitting with metal Wire
Knitting with recycled/secondhand yarn
Knitting with self patterning/self striping/variegated yarn
Knitting with silk
Knitting with someone else's hand-spun yarn
Knitting with soy yarn
Knitting with synthetic yarn
Knitting with wool
Knitting with your own hand-spun yarn
Lace patterns
Long Tail CO
Machine knitting
Mittens: Cuff-up
Mittens: Tip-down
Moebius band knitting
Norwegian knitting
Participate in an exchange
Participating in a KAL
Publishing a knitting book
Short rows
Slip stitch patterns
Socks: toe-up
Socks: top-down
Stockinette stitch
Stuffed toys
Teaching a child to knit
Teaching a Male how to knit
Textured knitting
Thrummed knitting
Toy/doll clothing
Tubular CO
Twisted stitch patterns
Two end knitting
Writing a pattern

So, basically what my list is saying is that I am a pussy, and a poor one at that. Not too shabby, though?

Monday, 23 February 2009

My tongue is epic.

Someone over in LSG just mentioned being able to tie a cherry stem with one's tongue. I can double knot often, and have tripled once or twice on an especially worthy stem. My tongue is a MONSTAR TONGUE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS, you see.

I have thought about getting it pierced for over a decade, but think I would probably just end up chipping my teeth, I have really weak enamel.

I would dearly love to get it split, but Hub says NO. It would squick him out too bad, apparently. But he does say he wouldn't leave me if I did. Maybe I can talk him around one day.

Also, I can touch it to my nose:
This is a pretty good party trick as well, though I don't go to parties, so it's kind of pointless. Also it leaves the tip of your nose all spitty and your chin and bottom lip look all stupid. Not a sexy look, all in all.

It tastes things really well, it's perfectly functional for talking. But sometimes I wish I had a cute little sexy tongue. You know, like those little bitty pointy hot pink affairs some girls are always saucily sticking out at people.

If I do that, it just looks like that something that's been infesting my skull has grown to maturity and is trying to escape.

I also have really pointy teeth. All of them, all the way back, are pointy and sharp.

Thus ends my blogging of my tongue. Thank you. I'll be here all week, please tip your waiter, and try the veal.

Sunday, 22 February 2009

Oscars. British Coverage. Expect Winkleman-hate and increasing drunky-ness. If you don't completely teal deer this, you have my eternal love.

First off: My coverage of the red carpet coverage.

Fearne Cotton's eye makeup looks AMAZING, ye gods, I want her makeup man.
She's apparently right up next to Seacrest in the holding tank, which gets her some propz.

I loves me some Hannah Montana, bitches. Deal with it. So, naturally I wanted to see her dress.

Interrupting myself to say WTF THE FLAGS??? Stupid Fearne did that at the stupid Golden Globes with the stupid British flags, forcing them upon celebrities who clearly DID NOT WANT.

Back to Miley. I wanted to see her dress. But this Sky Movies coverage is showing the top half of celebrities ONLY, as yet. I don't understand it. Only Dominic Cooper is talking to Fearne. No real celebrities will want to talk to her, will they. Ooooh, I might offend some British people. Call the waaaaahmbulance.

For the record, I will be drinking this:
Domaine des Lauriers Vin de Pays D'Oc SYRAH GRENACHE
Thick, rich concentrated dark plum nose. Big and bold with a slightly sweet chocolate flavour. Peppery on the finish. Good balance, structure and depth. A superb red which really outshines its classification - stunning & different!!!

ZOMG Tony Hopkins FTW. He is a sex god. HE LIKES FEARNE'S EYESHADOW TOO, we are soulmates meant to be. Please eat my sweetmeats, Tony, please.

Gotta pee.
Can't. It's back on. Someone I don't know. Ohhhh Zac Efron. Psht.

Also for the record, during tonight's events, I will be working on this (and hopefully finishing it):
Multidirectional Scarf in Noro Silver Thaw given to me by the too-wonderful-to-be-believed and too-cute-to-even-be-real Mimi. You should buy things from her, she is amazing and beautiful. Someday I will snuggle her head and take her to the zoo. Maybe on our holiday with booze and rainbows.

Kevin Kline WIN! He is so best, I love classically trained actors that do comedy films. It makes me very happy in my black little heart. DAMMIT FEARNE, quit trying to winkle out secrets from the people involved in the show. They don't want it spoiled, we don't want it spoiled, DIAF, kthxbai. Not really Fearne, you're ok. But stoppit with the secret-winkling.

Still have to pee.
Ooh, good time, stupid little video about Fearne and someone I've never heard of planning their outfits or some shit.
That was a good pee.


So here, let's have one from me, our lovely sponsor:

Here is the aforementioned Dream Swatch headwrap from previous post (again with the Simply Soft):
Plz to ignore weird cockatiel hair goin' on in the back.

This British red carpet coverage is, so far, FAIL.
FEARNE - do not stand in front of the dress about which you are asking/commenting. Presenting fail.

My lip balm tastes of violets.

Oh Fearne.... They have weird stock footage from someone else showing the *REAL* celebrities' dresses cut into Fearne's "interviews" of the dregs that will speak to her. Not that Dr Lecter is a dreg. But he may drink me to mine.

Oh, girl-from-Mama-Mia, red dresses on the red carpet just blend in and you look bad in the photos later, even if the dress itself is a masterpiece.

It irks me how British people say "boogie." They say the Boo syllable as though they are a ghost. Americans pronounce the oo as in book. It sounds less silly that way. That word needs all the unsillying help it can get.

Oh gods, it's the Twilight kid. I feel for him. How bad must it feel to have some 13 year old girl come up to you, dripping in blood, having sliced her neck for you.... You being an ACTOR playing a ROLE in a MOVIE. Poor kid, seriously. My mom's insisting I read the books. I may or may not.

OH GOD AMY ADAMS coming up next. Oh golly PRINCESS GISELLE!!!


I refuse to look at the tv again til she's gone.
LA LA LA I Can't Hear You, FootFace, your marriage is ending, hahaha, step away from the Matthew who is too good for you, kthxdai.

Josh Brolin? Win. Lookin' nice. Ben Kingsley took a flag, bless his heart. Owen is stewing over Kingsley's not going to the Oscars when he's been invited in the past. He (and I) desperately want to go. Someday when Alamo & Tess is adapted into an Oscar nominated film, we will be there. Oh, Marissa Tomei! Or does she have 1 s? I dunno. She's too bony. Eat something, sweetie. Mickey Rourke on deck, apparently. He loves the UK, he should talk to Fearne. It's so hard to reconcile deeeeeeelicious Angel Heart Mickey with now-Mickey.

I want to see Doubt ever so badly. OOOH MICKEY!! He's such a fascinating man. Deeply, deeply fascinating, I was so sorry to hear about his little doggy Loki. I wish I could've hugged him when I heard. Gaultier suit, Mickey, hot hot hot. Oh!!! He's got a photo of Loki on his chains. Bless. What a dear, dear man.


I have to pee again.
Le sigh. Bladder the size of a pea. Smaller than an average pee, however.
HAHAAAA Peter Gabriel, time to go take a whiz.

FEARNE. You've misused "literally." You are off the cool list forever, sweetie, sorry.
Oh, look, Angelina's wearing black. Ho hum. Fantastic earrings, though. Probably real emeralds. That's my birthstone, hunny, WANT.
NOOOOOO NOT CLAUDIA WINKLEMAN. I hate her, she ruins my Oscars every year I've been in Britain.

I lied before, in the previous post about the only thing I care about being Heath FTW. I also really want Mickey Rourke to win his, too. But Heath is my main concern.

My actual Oscars commentary will probably be much shorter and sparser than this. Just a feeling I have. I haven't seen too many of the movies, because, as I've said, we get movies here so late and we're so poor.

"Lovely Tilda Swinton" my ass.

WOW! She has on lipstick, though. That's some props. But no, just no Tilda. Named after a punctuation mark. ~ Swinton is one of my least favorite people.

I want an anchor tattoo on my bicep. And an oldschool mermaid on the other.

This is stupid. People in the VT segments are saying stuff like "Well, we all want Kate and Danny to win because they're BRITISH!" Bullshit. Bullshit, says my BRITISH husband. We want certain people to win because we believe they are the best at what they do.

FEARNE YOU WHORE, you've done it again. "Awards literally coming out of her ears."
NO. FUCKING NO SHE DOES NOT. Literally is NOT a superlative. Stop it. I hate you so much now, Fearne, you were cool, now you're not. Off the list. Forever.

Now, then.

Oscars Coverage-Coverage Starts Here. Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up.

Right, then. This will be sparser than the red carpet coverage, as there will be less about which to be snarky and I actually want to WATCH most of it.

.....Well. There will still be Claudia effing Winkleman during the American ad-breaks which we don't have as it's on a movie channel here.
Oh, Claudia, I hate you and your fringe and your eyeshadow.

Wow, don't care about Gok Wan's opinions on stars he'll never meet. And he's panned Amy Adams and raved about SJP, I officially hate the man now.
Now he's panning Beyonce. Don't like him. Oh, god, please just stop it, British people.
Props to Portman for pink, though. Alliteration FTW.

Please, stupid British presenters, can we just have the show now?

There's an LSG watch-along, I'm Twittering quite a bit of this, and doing this-this. I am fingerdrunk before I am even head-buzzed. This could get ugly.

OH YOU FUCKING HAGS, shut up. I just want to see the goddamn Academy Awards, FFS.

Commercials, jesus, I thought we wouldn't have any. I don't understand British tv, honestly.
Winkleman is a harpy.

FINALLY, the actual show is starting.

Is it can be Oscars time nao plz?

Oh, Hugh Jackman. Hit me with your Wolverine claws, please. Snikt.

Husband re Kate Winslet: "Oh don't start crying already! Bloody woman!"

OH!!! He's gonna sing!!! Thank you, Billy Crystal, for this precedent!
Jackman is a god. Anne Hathaway as Nixon, oh god, this is so great. WIN.

I'm gonna have to switch to caffeine now, it's nearly 2 am.

I've just learned we're getting this awhile after the US coverage so my twittering and LSG-along are fail. I don't want spoilers.

Whoopi looks SMOKIN'. That dress, that tat, oh woman, you are the shit. Shut up, Punctuation Swinton in your clumsily-knotted sack. Props for the lippy, but you need mascara.
Penelope Cruz looks like a My Little Pony.

Ohhhh god, but women speaking Spanish make me damp around the edges.

Nooooo, American commercial breaks mean we have to put up with idiotic British "experts" and "presenters." Please make it stop.

I'm gonna have some Doritos now and knit awhile.

"Writers do not merely write screenplays, they write movies."
Thank you for that, Hugh. I like that quote.

Oh, Tina Fey, you are beauty incarnate.

WHOA!!! Was that Sophia Loren out there in the dark??? Beautiful, beautiful woman. In every sense.
Oooooh, dissing Scientology at the Oscars, balls, yo.

Doritos are not sitting as well as I thought. Craving fail.

Owen and I are thinking that Mickey Rourke's a shoo-in now for Actor because Milk won screenplay. They give that kind of awards to movies that aren't gonna get the biggies. So sorry, Sean Penn. I think he knows it, too, by the look on his face. YAY GLBT SPEECH FTW!!!!

I loves me some ghey Mormons.

Jen should date Jack Black. John Mayer is a shit (ask me, I know). Jen and Jack should hook their hot shit up right now. They could be forever. The knitting is progressing slowly. Too much Twittering, mostly.

Wow, can I just quote my beloved @agnesnutter right now:



Wow, don't care what these British people have to heckle about Hugh's song. What a bunch of stuffed shirt, talking head FAILPEOPLE.

Daniel Craig is SO much prettier than SJP. A clown-porn-star's bloated, drowned corpse's ass cyst is so much prettier than SJP.

I so very much want to see The Duchess. Loved me some Georgiana way before the rest of the world jumped on the bandwagon.

"....That looks like the classic Joker of Batman lore, but with a crazed, psychotic twist."
Oh, just shut up.

I would *LOVE* to have tea with Dustin Hoffman.

I have to pee again, brb.

ROFL BEN STILLER, rockin' the Joaquin. Hilarious.
Wow. I've just previewed this for the first time. WTF is up with this formatting? I may hate Blogger now, wtf??? It's fucked all my shit up, what is this black and grey and not fixing sizes when I fix the sizes...

CHRIST, I need to see Pineapple Express. Seth Rogen, also a god.

CALL THE WAAAHMBULANCE for this snooty British bitch, whining about the "amateur presenting" of Seth & co. Jesus. Why do they inflict this shit on us, I'd rather see commercials.

Oh, yes, Hugh, sing some more, DANCE, baby, DANCE. I love how most screamy fangirls know nothing of his musical theatre bakground. Is like a secret we share.

Oh ::fluttersigh:: Beyonce, I love you.
Jackman & B singing songs from Grease = gasm of some sort...

I live for musicals. This is just.... oh god, so beautiful.
OHHHH, it was Teh Baz. Makes sense. Totally FTW.

Haha, I accidentally typed Joel Great. Seriously. Freudian, much? He is great. Truly.
Lulz, Cuba. He's a good kid, methinks.

Ohhhh, Mr. Walken. There aren't words. "Best" doesn't even come close.

Oh golly. Kevin's short little description of my puddin' Mistah J made me tear up.

You see, I love the Joker. I have since childhood. When they introduced Harley as a character, I identified right away, hence my diamonds:
My right leg is dedicated to my love of Mistah J, mah Puddin'. And Heath came as close as anyone has to achieving the Joker that lives in my head who is an amalgam of lots of performances/comics/fantasies...

Oh god yes.
I am happy now.
I am happy.


Crying, happy, sad, so happy. So crying. Oh golly.

Beautiful man, beautiful role, beautiful movie, sheer perfection all around.

Anime? This Man on Wire dude's daughter is called Anime??? CHIN BALANCE WIN!

Who is this bitch on the little Brit-fill-in commentary shit that thinks the Oscars aren't allowed to be fun? Seriously, who the fuck is she? Sometimes I really deeply loathe English people.

OHHH SNAP, Will Smith went there. "FANS." LOL. Best ever. Oh, Will, why you gotta be a Scientologist? You're otherwise so fuckin' perfect.



I'm getting too old for this shit. I'm SO TIRED. I'm satisfied with Heath. I would like to see Mickey get his (gods, don't let me have jinxed him there, kthxbai) but most of the rest I don't much care about. I'm exhausted. It's 3:37 am now and I am wilting.

EW, Jerry Lewis FTL. I know he does great things. I know this. But he creeps me right the fuck out.

STEPHANIE BEACHAM - that is the whore that is dissing the Oscars. Saying it's not classy it's not this, it's not that, it's too intimate, it's too funny, blah blah blah, I want her to pack up her dried up old haunted cunt and leave. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE.

Jesus FUCK, I'm tired.

Oh, wow! Elfman did the score for Milk.... I was not aware of that. That makes me more likely to want to see it.


Damn. Bummer. :(

Shuttup, Winkleman.

Jesus, this is degenerating. I think it started out well, but this is just crap down here. I'm flagging. I'm so fucking sleepy. Wake me when Mickey wins.

Oh no.
In Memoriam.
I'm gonna cry a lot.
Thanks, Queen.

NOOOOOOO!!!! This Beacham BITCH was going on and on about how her leading men were in the In Memoriam section, people she knew and loved, blah blah blah including "ROY SCHNEIDER"
I want her to die.

Ooh, Reese looks awful purty!

Danny Boyle in SHOCK OSCAR UPSET... wait no.

Sophia Loren is a goddess and the GWTW music is making me teary.

Oh golly. I want Shirley MacLaine to say wonderful things to/about me.

Hooray KATE! But yeah, predictable. Not waking me up. Not that she doesn't deserve it, what a great girl and a cool dad in a cool hat.

Adrien Brody is yum.
But not as yum as Anthony Hopkins.
HAAAA, Bob DeNiro FTW!


FUCKING FAIL. NOT FAIR. I'm pissed now and so is Mickey. I did jinx him, didn't I??? Christ. Not that I don't love Penn, I do, but Mickey, jesus... Not even fair.

Oh snap!!! Win speech, Mister Penn!!! "Shame." Yes. Shame, indeed. Thank you for that. And thank you for your graciousness to Mickey. I'd heard they'd had their troubles, that was a nice gesture.

K, unsurprised, anticlimactic, bedtime now.

"We're all watching!"

Ohhh, yeah, that helps. :P Puts the fear of god into me, more like.
I'm really happy that it's Oscar day. We take Oscar day really seriously in our house. Since it's on at stupid-o'clock-in-the-morning here, Owen takes the next day off. Really all I care about this year, besides whose dress is fugs and that Tilda Swinton PLEASE fucking slap on just a leetle mascara, is that Heath Ledger win. That's all, that will make me a happy woman for a whole 'nother year. Living in England has seriously fucked up my Oscar enjoyment, as we get movies SO late here. Being poor also doesn't help.
I slept very late today so I could hack the Oscars tonight.
Today I will probably work on my Dream Swatch Headwrap. It's getting really pretty. Maybe I'll take pictures later.
HOLYSHIT they're talking about my college on QI. About this. I had some of my favorite Doyle classes directly across the hall from that shit. Stephen Fry just fucking talked about my tiny little college. I WIN. We also have an elephant under the library.

Friday, 20 February 2009


I fail blogging.

Inspire me.

Monday, 16 February 2009

I has a proud! Let me show you it!

My very first lace-type-thing! And my whole 6" for the travelin' scarf on the day that it arrived!!!! I'm not an overachiever. I'm not sure what happened here. The pattern is Brooke's Column of Leaves, btw. It boggles me that that is one piece of string. I did that with one piece of string. Just doing stuff I already knew how to do in a different order from that in which I usually do them, and that came out. It's kind of spooky.

I don't know.

So, I started this with a whole 'nother thing in mind, but that was epic fail, so I figured - why not just use it as a blog that nobody will really ever read? There's some solace in that, really. I recently gave up pretty much cold turkey on my lj/djs that I'd had some of for nearly 10 years. But maybe I should be sticking my thoughts out there in longer than twitter form sometimes. I don't know. I'm also trying to be more consistent about writing in my real diary. It has a mermaid, too. And a green pen.
Here I be.
I am working on my first (besides my own) LSG traveling scarf section. It arrived from Canada today. I'm doing my first actual, earnest attempt at lace. Overreaching myself. Gettin' uppity with the knittin'.
So yeah, knitting to an E! show about celebrity plastic surgery. They're talking about Axl now. Sigh.
I feel pretty useless lately. But I won't go on about that right now.
I don't understand Flickr very well, I gotta say. I want to put pics in the LSG traveling scarves photo pool stream group wtf? thing.... and I did. My boobs are back on teh intarwebs where they belong, srsly. It's been too long. But I dunno if I have everything set right so's I don't get kicked off flickr and have skeevystrangers seeing my bewbs. Which, ironically, was kind of the point of them being on the internet before. But I was cool back then. Now I'm a lame housewife..... so.... Yeah. I need to get back to mah knittin'. And eventually play some Animal Crossing.