OH GOD MAKE IT STOP.

Unconscious Mutterings word association.

1. MacGyver :: Patty & Selma
   
2. Garter :: stitch
   
3. Wedge :: shoes
   
4. Inches :: feet
   
5. Code :: blue
   
6. Water :: running. YOU TRICKED ME by making the next word "running," what else would I say?
   
7. Running :: away
   
8. Curly :: whirly
   
9. Turkey :: sammich
   
10. Stupor :: drool

But those are all LIES because all I can think about is this story but OMFG DO NOT CLICK IT. DO NOT READ IT. I SWEAR TO ALL THE GODS DON'T DO IT. FOR THE LOVE OF ALLTHAT IS GOOD AND PURE. I BLAME ELLEVEE. THIS IS NOT OK AND I WILL NEVER BE OK AGAIN.
(don't read this)
It's not ok. These things don't distress me. I am unflappable, when it comes to fanfic pr0n stuff. Whatever you wanna write about whoever doing whatever to whomever from your favorite novel/movie, it's cool. THIS IS NOT.
I AM FLAPPED.
It's not ok.

Also neither is this, but that is clickable, but it may just make you angry at the universe. Really, Britain? REALLY?

A meme a day keeps the readers away...

Boy Day: Assassin's Creed and Stargate.

>:6 <--- I make that face.

Hub has got his new video game & watched his backed up episodes of SGU which I, for some reason, can't stand. I'm a big sci-fi geek & I love Robert Carlyle. I just can't get into it. Assassin's Creed 2 is much more pleasant background noise, but that's 'cause it's set in renaissance Italy & I'm also an art history geek.

I finished the first of the convertible mittens for my FIL for xmas. I love it and desperately hope he will too.

They're a little big for me & a little small for my husband, so hopefully they'll fit his dad perfectly.

I posted this on Rav, but figured everyone needed to see it.

BATHTIME ACTION SHOTS!!!!

Now featuring BUTTHOLE!
Also: HarleenQuinzel’s Rainbow Brite’s Horse’s Afterbirth On My Head & HarleenQuinzel’s Pilfered Neck Pillow as bakground scenery.

“MOMMY, THIS IZ PRIVUT. STOPPIT.”
Sorry, kittles.

In a mood?

1. Wait! Wait, don't forget the human sacrifice!
2. The slinky slinked down the stairs followed at once by her head.
3. The trouble is she was a bleeder.
4. Somewhere, a juggler is weeping many miles away.
5. With a faint pop her implants imploded.
6. The French mime crept up behind you, shadowy and ominous.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to not having the landlord futzing around in my bathroom anymore, tomorrow my plans include blessed nothingness and Sunday, I want to sleep a lot!

I am a turkey. Kill me.

For the love of all that is pure and good and right, make a hand turkey today.

What? It's Wednesday here technically.

What The Hell Wednesday.

1. This Thursday is Thanksgiving. Tell us something you are not looking forward to.
Missing my family & "proper" celebration of Thanksgiving, even though my British family does the most wonderful things for their li'l token American. <3

2. What is the one thing you are most thankful for this year?
Getting our debt stuff on the track to being sorted out.

3. Most families get together for the holidays. Are your family gatherings on the pleasant side or do they tend to be more drama filled?
Usually pretty mellow. Depends on how big a gathering it is, a couple of the uncles aren't too thrilled with each other most of the time, but it's rare that everybody's together like that.

4. The President has decided not to call his tree a Christmas tree, but instead is calling it a Holiday tree. Do you think this is a good idea, just plain stupid or you could care less either way?
It's a toss-up between thinking it's stupid & not giving a shit in the least. Actually no, leaning towards stupid as he is so insistent on and public with his faith.

**edit edit edit!** http://www.snopes.com/politics/christmas/ornaments.asp Thank you, @aimalyn.

5. Are you going shopping on Black Friday and if so are you insane?
Shopping on Thursday, bitches! PHEAR MY CULTURE CLASH AND OPEN MALLS!

6. What is up with Santa and his Hos?
Well, obvs Mrs Claus is his bottom bitch.

7. Do you have any favorite holiday traditions?
Hand turkeys.

8. I am afraid my 2 year old will attack the Christmas tree this year (she has "oooo shiney" syndrom). What do you suggest I do to keep her from destroying the tree and running off with all the ornaments?
Let her. It's all in the Christmas spirit & kids are allowed extra leeway at Xmas.

9. What is the worst gift you have ever received?
A fucking goat for a fucking starving family somewhere, I dunno. One of those stupid charity things. Fuck that. *I* can barely afford groceries each week. Get stuff for ME.

10. Do think Santa Claus is creepy?
Golly, no. We have a very good relationship.

11. How do you celebrate New Years Eve?
On the sofa.

12. Do you believe in re-gifting (aka giving someone else a present you got but don't like)?
Hells yes.

13. Are you one of those people who save the bows and undamaged gift wrap off of the opened gifts?
GAHHH, no. That creeps me out.

Sekrit Revealed!

I mentioned a soopersekrit project for Weezie and now she's gotten it I can show it off.
Back here I told you guys about my Tessy-colored yarn.
Weezie got the very first of it made into...... wait for it......

Tess.

Which has been sniffed, wrassled, and approved by the real thing:


And now it is being enjoyed by Weezie!


The end.

Roooooooooby Toooooooooosday.

Today I am working on these:


One day they will grow up to be convertible mittens designed by Emma. I am test crocheting them. That's an awesome light-up crochet hook from Weezie, but you can't really tell from that picture. They're intended for my father-in-law for Xmas. I hope they fit him. I hope he likes them. They're the Xmas gift I'm most unsure about so far. He's all.... classy and English and David Niven-ish. That's hard to craft for.

Epic.

Epic tidy. Epic migraine. Epic sigh.


In other news, I totes got my swag for winning the Halloboobies contest over at Boobie Wednesday!


The bear now belongs to my husband for being my photographer, lovely assistant, ideas-bouncer, etc.

Back to cleaning now. :(

I would do this even if there wasn't potential free yarn involved.

Ok, y'all. One of the most beautiful, strong, inspiring and inspired women I've never met, my wonderful friend Brooklynne, has launched her online shop at Grrrl Shaped Yarns. She's having a blogging contest to win a special skein of her fantastic yarn AND a pattern. She, like me, left her native USA to move across the world for the man she eventually married, so one day either I'll go to New Zealand to meet her or she'll come to England, or we'll meet somewhere in the middle because I don't think I could go the whole rest of my life without actually meeting such a kindred spirit. But this isn't about her. This is about her yarn. No, I lied. It's about me. It's ALL about me. No, I'm serious. Her (imho) most gorgeous yarn is inspired by and named after....

......wait for it......


ME!


Here is Patience Ann, a purple superwash merino. Like me, it is random. Like me, it's always different. Like me, it "has a firm twist, and is soft yet durable." Like me, it is machine washable and tumble dryable. And finally, most of all like me, it is cheap.

There's only three of it. There may be more or less of me that that, I'm never sure on any given day. But I can assure you that like the yarn, I am a limited edition.

The fabulousness of me aside, you should go lookit the rest of her shop, too. Her other yarns are GLORIOUS. She also does custom dye jobs and has some of those fabulous pointy, lovely needles that I can never afford. She's just starting out, so bookmark that shit, y'all. There is more coming. She's also a straight-up GODDESS. I'm not even kidding. Pure deity-caliber, this girl. Generous, hot, funny, creative, supportive, and fantastic in every way.

I think I've passed 150 words without even trying.

Yeah, yeah.

1. We need a new washing machine.
2. I made something for Weezie and it made me smile.
3. If you want to see it, you'll have to wait til she gets it in the mail.
4. Aside from that, I'm pretty stymied in my gift knitting because mostly I don't have yarn that I need but also because Farmville is sucking my soul away.
5. Massachusetts has a proposed 5% sales tax on elective cosmetic surgery; I think it totally makes sense.
6. A good tranquilizer prescription makes for a happy holiday.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to my husband being home with me, tomorrow my plans include lots of cleaning and Sunday, I want to find a way to get out of doing even more cleaning!

Half-Nekkid Thursday.

I have 21 minutes til it's not Thursday anymore so all you get for my first HNT is a quickie before bed...


Once upon a time I was the Goddess of Thursday. There are only a couplefew of you that read this that will remember that, though. ;)

Best. Hat. Evar.

Earflap puffball hat with detachable/adjustable beard/stache for BIL for Xmas. Fucking WIN.


SO tempted to keep the damn thing for myself. You know you want it, too.

Sunday Stuff.

It was another long, lovely, lazy morning in bed.

And another lazy, meme-ridden blog post.

Sunday Stealing, the OTT meme.

Part One - Describe:

Your hair? Orangeyred, maybe half an inch long, growing out of a buzz, with a couple inch long Tank Girl tuft at the front.

Your mother? Beautiful, strong, heroine, goddess, the ultimate Girl Scout.

Your father? Brilliant, healer, consummate teacher, hero, Captain Science.

Your favorite food? Leafy, prickly, green, steamed, layered.

Your dream last night? Unmemorable.

Your favorite drink? Vanilla coke from a fountain, properly with syrup.

Your dream/goal? I want to have babies and dress them as things. At least one boy & one girl. Elvis, Yoda, Batman, the possibilities are endless.

The room are you in? Bright, a little chilly, cozy, cluttered, home.

Your hobby? Sticks and string. Soothing, stressful, textures, rhythms, mindless, mindful.

Your fear? Finding out definitively that I won't be able to have a baby.

Your TV? Big, full of EastEnders.

Your Pets? Crackheaded, perfect, sweet, stupid, ridiculous, best, precious treasure.

Friends? Few, but important.

Your life? Chugging along.

Your mood? Iffy.

If you're missing someone? Mommy, daddy, brother, grama.

Your best friend? Is married to me.

Part Two - The Where's?

Where do you want to be in 6 years? A bigger house, maybe in Idaho near my parents, firmly in the throes of motherhood.

Where were you last night? Smack on the sofa. Then in bed.

Where did you grow up? Smyrna, Georgia. Same as Julia Roberts.

One place that I go to over and over? The gas station up the road. Anytime we need anything, they probably have it or a suitable stopgap there.

Your favorite place to eat out? Scalini's, back home in Georgia.

Wish list items? Seriously?

Last time you laughed? A few minutes ago at how badly they're hiding the actress that plays Tanya on EastEnders's very obvious pregnancy.

Last time you cried? During Girl, Interrupted. The Wizard of Oz scene.

Part Three - The What's?

Something that you aren't? Pleased that I'm out of nail polish remover.

Last thing you did? Chipped away at my nail polish.

What are you wearing? Yankees sweats, Napoleon Dynamite shirt. Lazy Sunday chic.

Something you're not wearing? Underwear.

Your favorite store? God, I miss Wal*Mart like nobody's business.


Aaaaand:
Unconscious Mutterings.

1. Grace :: Jones
   
2. Shower :: Bath
   
3. Alice :: In Wonderland
   
4. Purple :: Rain
   
5. Apartment ::Complex
6. 3 :: Is a magic number
   
7. Car :: Volvo
   
8. Pregnant :: Dearest wish
   
9. Counselor :: Dad
   
10. Discretion :: Secrets
    

Very cool.

I'm just going to copy and paste this entire email from my dad into this blog post because I think it is ace and I don't think he would mind.
____________________________

Tonight a new woman arrived in the valley, just days before Lois.

This one is a witch!

As the brewmaster of Grand Teton Brewing pointed out...

"We've brewed our Black Cauldron Imperial Stout to recognize and honor the women in the history of brewing. Brewing has been women's work since the dawn of civilization. In all ancient cultures, beer was a gift from a goddess, and women maintained status and power through their skills as brewsters. This remains true today in indigenous cultures from Asia to Latin America, Africa to remote villages in Scandinavia. Around the world, women baked bread and brewed their own beer.

In Europe, the rise of cities brought commercial brewing, as governments realized the potential tax revenue to be had from large breweries. By 1445, the first all-male brewers' guild was established, the campaign against witchcraft burst forth across Europe, and the purge of women from brewing had begun. Beer historian Alan Eames has written that, when an occupation was listed, most of the women burned for witchcraft in Europe were brewsters or alewives.

Most of the imagery we associate with witchcraft today originated with the brewster. The large black cauldron bubbling over with foam? A brew kettle, of course. The black cat? Necessary to keep rats out of the grain store. The tall pointed hat? It allowed the brewster to be seen over the heads of taller men in the marketplace. A broom? The symbol of household domesticity, it is still associated with brewing all over the world.

Without the work of these women through the ages, it's entirely possible beer would not exist today."

What a history lesson, and what a beer!

It was released to the public for the first time tonight and of course I was there to explore the dark.

Three of the first glasses of Black Cauldron ever drawn from the tap. One was the original, one was aged on coffee beans, and the third was bourbon aged. Purist that I am I preferred the original to the other two.

Bruce toasts the brewsters, witches that they were. Blessed be. And popcorn.

_______________________________

Also that is the Jughead hat I made him for his birthday. :)))

Meme time!



Farmville, Smallville, traveling scarf... good life.

Yeah, they're not a very exciting 6 words today, but it's not a very exciting day. It is set to be a mellow day. I'm excited to find a stitch pattern for the traveling scarf I got today, it's all so gorgeous & the variety of interesting stitches makes me want to equal what's already been done. We both seem to be decidedly getting well this time, my cramps are fading, the weather is AWFUL, which makes our little house seem that much more cozy.... yeah. Mellow day. Here's hoping.

AAAHHHHH OMG TONY TODD JUST APPEARED ON SMALLVILLE AND SCARED THE CRAP OUTTA ME. There goes my mellow. If anyone's gonna harsh your mellow, it's the fuckin' Candyman. *shudder* God, I love him.

Dear FailCow:

If I ever meet you in person, (cowson?) I will renounce my admittedly lax vegetarianism and eat you raw, you cunting whore.



1. The last band I saw live was Tori Amos, does she count as a band? She had one behind her...
2. What I look forward to most on Thanksgiving is being incredibly, brashly, obnoxiously American in the UK and demanding turkey and cranberry sauce. (if you don't celebrate thanksgiving, insert your favorite holiday)
3. My Christmas/holiday shopping is null & void. I am knitting/crocheting everything.
4. Thoughts of the epically traumatic sleep paralysis episode that really, really fucked me up this morning fill my head.
5. I wish I could wear dinosaur footie pajamas. That would mean I owned some. I really want some. Badly.
6. Bagpipes are beautiful and my daddy plays them wonderfully.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to my husband being home, tomorrow my plans include hopefully Nando's with Weezie & Gav if they're well enough and Gav isn't imaginary as I suspect, and Sunday, I want to cuddle a lot!

Clever variation on Bleh, Meh, Gruuugghhh, etc.

Still sick. And now blessed with alien-baby-style cramps.

There's more blood, in my case, though.



This is my favorite blog in the entire world right now.

It's dark.

That's really all.

Proof.

Proof was demanded. Now, admittedly I am not intoxicated at the moment, you'll have to take my word for it that I can still do it then. But I have just woken up and am ill. That said, skillz. I do has.

Bleh.

Not much going on today, yet again. We're still not quite recovered. I totes finished that bloody IRKSOME capelet for my MIL last night:


It's got the same pink kitten buttons I used on my boobholder. It's (obviously) not very me, but I think she'll really dig it. I adore the finished product even if I did get SICK of the pattern repeat & the yarn. Today I started a hat for my BIL. It's gonna be a basic stripey earflap stocking cap with a puffball on top, but it's gonna have a detachable beard & mustache. It's some fluffy mystery acrylic.


Dunno what the beard/stache will be made of. I can't decide whether to go natural or unnatural colored. We'll have to see when the hat itself is done.

Meme time.

Today's Unconscious Mutterings word association:

1. Alarm :: clock
   
2. Guest :: towel (lol, where'd that come from? The whole concept of those ridiculous little hand towels you're not actually supposed to use appalls me!)
   
3. Worm :: Richard Scarry
   
4. Puppies :: basketful
   
5. Honor :: roll (yeah, I got good grades, what?!?!)
   
6. No! :: means no.
   
7. Stomach :: blerghy (been sick lately, can you tell?)
   
8. Counter :: space (we have some, my husband is great & tidied the kitchen yesterday!)
   
9. Waffles :: House (Waffle House is quite possibly my most missed thing about the US aside from my family)
   
10. Plates :: armor (specifically the ones on the back of a stegosaur)

Aaaaand Sunday Stealing:
The Strange Question Meme, Part 2:

26. What color is your watch?
Don't wear one. INVISBLE ZOMG.

27. What do you think of when you hear “Australia”?
Upside-down kangaroos.

28. Would you strip for money?
You mean someone would PAY me for it?!?! Win!

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Usually go in, there isn't as much cause for drive-thrus in the UK.

30. What is your favorite number?
i

31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone?
Ooh. Probably my husband? God, I really have no idea.

32. Any plans today?
Fuck, it's almost bedtime. No. :D

33. In how many states have you lived?
4? Yeah, 4 I think. Plus, you know.... England.

34. Biggest annoyance right now?
John & Edward.

35. Last song listened to?
Little clip of One Moment In Time on X Factor

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards?
Even while very, very intoxicated. Skillz. Mad ones.

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house?
LMAO.

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
My fake-ass Uggs. WHAT? DON'T YOU FUCKING JUDGE ME.

39. Are you jealous of anyone?
Insanely. Envy is my second worst deadly sin, after sloth.

40. Is anyone jealous of you?
If they are, they are seriously misguided.

41. Do you love anyone?
Ferociously.

42. Do any of your friends have children?
Yep.

43. What do you usually do during the day?
Knit, play Farmville, watch Maury. It's a fucking difficult life.

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
I don't think so.... Not exactly.

45. Do you use the word hello daily?
Probably.

46. What color is your car?
Grey.

47. What size wedding ring do you wear?
Smaller than the one I got when we got married.

48. Are you thinking about someone right now?
Yeah, this guy, 'cause he's on my tv, bein' all sexy & I can't figure out what else I've seen him in.

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Many of them. But mostly Over Georgia. Hundreds of times, prolly.

50. How did you get your worst scar?
Hm. The most noticeable one is my chicken pox scar on my forehead. I had chicken pox on my 6th birthday. I got a She-Ra set, including wristlets, a mask, a sword, etc. I put the mask on & it scratched off one of the scabs & marked me forever. The one on my thumb might be a little worse, but it's hardly noticeable, given where it is. My first few weeks of college I was opening a package from my grama & the scissors slipped. Cut off pretty much the whole pad of my thumb. Couldn't have stitches, as it was a flat surface cut. I got home from the hospital and finished opening the package. There were Band-Aids inside. Thank you, psychic grama.

Laaaaaazy day.

I'm in a blanket cave, bitches!!!!!!

Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again.

Today I am watching the first half of this version of Rebecca. It's absolutely wonderful, and because it's a miniseries, can't really be compared to the classic Hitchcock version. You can cram so much more of a book into a miniseries, but you absolutely cannot beat the combo of Hitchcock & du Maurier.

Rebecca is one of my favorite stories of all time. And I think I'm in the minority, but definitely not alone in vastly preferring Rebecca herself to the insipid, pallid little Second Mrs DeWinter, who doesn't even rate a first name. I have always wanted to have the lasting impact on people that Rebecca has. I don't want anyone to ever properly get over me, for better or worse. I've always wished for a Mrs Danvers of my very own who would be an utterly devoted servant and absolutely terrorize anyone who ever dared try to take my place. Rebecca is the most fascinating character in the entire story, even though she never appears.

All that I've always felt about Rebecca, the character, was just completely buoyed up by Rebecca's Tale, by Sally Beauman. If you're a Rebecca fan, you simply MUST read it. It does what it says on the tin, it is Rebecca's story. Her marriage, her scandals, her reasons, her death... it's beautiful and I genuinely think Daphne du Maurier would have approved.

She was a fascinating woman, herself, that Daph, with all the rumors of bisexuality, gender issues, incest... Also she was a stone cold fox.

Srsly. Who wouldn't hit that?

Menabilly, the house she based Manderley on, does holiday cottages and tours and stuff. Yes, I desperately want to go. Need to go.

If you haven't seen or read Rebecca, do. Please. I want to know if you're a Rebecca person or a 2nd-MdW person. I want to know if it casts such a hypnotizing & lasting spell on other people as it does on me, if Rebecca haunts you as much as she does the story itself.


And now for something completely different:
Friday Fill-Ins
1. Plans and schedules elude me utterly .

2. I'm happy when things are stable but interesting, it's a hard balance to reach, but when it's there, it's SO fuckin' good .

3. The last thing I drank was a sip of orange juice to take some codeine .

4. One of the most valuable things in my life is obviously my husband & my kitty .

5. I like pineapple on my pizza.

6. Dear November, can you just be a little bit longer than usual so I can get all this Christmas knitting done?

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to trying to shake this illness, tomorrow my plans include probably mostly just Farmville and Sunday, I want to Farmville some more. IT IS BOTH WORSE AND BETTER THAN CRACK!

I apologize for the most boring Friday Fill-Ins ever. I'm not feeling creative today.