Sex and Candy. And scarves.

Mmmm. One of my favorite BPALs today, Violet Ray.

So, yeah, of course as soon as I got this imp & read the tag, my mind went straight to sex. Um... that happens most of the time, actually, but yeah. That's neither here nor there. When I looked it up, saw it was from their steampunk collection, read the little blurb on the site, I was pretty much giddy with the electric steampunk sexytimes yay arm-flailing. I mean, come on, my cat is named Tesla.


VIOLET RAY
Though the doctor continued to assure her that the treatment was therapeutic, her anxiety increased. Ignoring her feeble protestations, the doctor produced a pair of glass wands, and set to work.

As the machine hummed to life, her misgivings were dissolved in a haze of unexpected pleasure. Warmth, contrasted sharply with a million white-hot pinpricks and a strangely cooling blast of electricity, surged through her thighs. The metal electrodes secured beneath her corset flared as the electrical current swelled through her nerve endings.

White mint, purple musk, violet, lilac, ylang ylang, lavender moss, and sandalwood.

So, yeah. Perfect. Also, I'm a sucker for violet. My deodorant is violet scented. My favorite candy on earth is those little old-fashioned violet pastilles with an aniseseed in the center. Violet doesn't have to be a little old lady smell, and this BPAL pretty much proves it. It's sweeeeeet. But not sickening. Just.... lifting. In fact, that's exactly why I put it on. After my little going-to-sleep-with-Greed adventure earlier, I couldn't wake up for the life of me, so I knew I had to go straight to my Violet Ray zap when I needed to get up and out. I lucked into 2 imps of this, so it'll be a little while til I need to buy a bottle, but I most assuredly will be buying one eventually. The musk is just barely enough to keep it anchored, and put over the top of slept-in-for-hours Greed, it's juuuuuust right. I can't pick out the mint consciously, but my subconscious knows it's there and perks up. Sex and candy.

And now for the scarves.

OMG *FLAAAAAIL* I GOT MY LSG TRAVELING SCARF BAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!

OMG.
Ok, so the HNT thing & being spotlight over at e[lust] & all has attracted about a zillion new people (I can see you, you know, lurkers. Statcounter ftw) so let me explain. About a year ago, an online knitting group I was a part of, Lazy, Stupid, and Godless, started a traveling scarf group for their 1-year anniversary. We are/were (I'm no longer an active member, but I'm still quite close with people I met there & am still entirely lazy, stupid, and godless, I'm in offshoot groups, and stuff, we just won't get into that drama right now because I have my scarf, I smell amazing, and the Addams Family movie is coming on, I'm not harshing my mellow) the guys & girls that want you all to know that knitting & crochet are not (as with violet scents, OMG THEME!) solely the preserve of old ladies. (Oooh! Did you know Morticia knitted in almost every episode of The Addams Family tv show?) We are rude, opinionated, often naked, intelligent, perceptive, and curse enough to make sailors run for their mommy.

Traveling scarves are this: One person knits a bit of a scarf. Approximately 6 inches in this case. They send it on to the next person in the group who knits another bit, and so on, in a circle, until the original person gets their own scarf back, with however many bits of scarf knitted by their friends, with their friends' personalities put into each section. A little notebook is included with each, to chronicle each person's thoughts, yarn choices, stitches, etc. I've been spottily blogging about the sections I've done on other people's scarves, but now I have my own back!!!!! I haven't opened the package yet. I'm savoring the antici......















....pation.


This is how mine started:
My instructions were: DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT. I wanted no restrictions on fiber content, colors, gauge, anything. I started mine out in the spirit I wanted it continued, I made a "magic ball" of some of my most random bits of yarn and knit my initial section with that. My only request was that there be no photos publicly uploaded til I received it. I didn't want spoilers. That would have totally ruined the INSANE AMOUNT OF EXCITEMENT I have right this second!!!!

Ok. I'm going in.

OMGOMGOMG THIS IS BEST. There is penii and boobs and rainbows and angel pubes and funfur and handspun and colors and lace and skulls and omg!!!! It's everything I dreamed of and more!!!!! And not too many ends to weave in!!!! (thanks, hoars!)

Orange penii!!! Srsly! Look closer.

BOOBS!!!

Thank you, you magnificent twatweasels. I love it. My most treasured piece of knitwear EVER.

Half-Nekkid Toga Party Plus Epic Bloggery About Nothing Much And A Poem

Oh, snap. Looks like the blanket cave is good for other stuff too. :D
I dunno, I was feeling all artsyfartsy and I thought I had good angles, as Tyra would say.

In other non-half-nekkid news, ZOMG I am designing a knitting pattern. FOR REALS!! Jewles wanted a cowl. A chunky, soft, charcoal grey cowl. I had a gander at all the free cowl patterns on Rav and basically thought, "Hrm.... I could do better." Now, I've knitted stuff from scratch before, without a pattern, per se... just various stitch dictionaries and stuff I already knew, etc... I thought about putting out a pattern for the Bee Scarf that I made up for this wonderful cause...


...but I thought it was maybe a bit too silly or derivative or simple. I don't know, I still might, I wrote down exactly what I did somehwere even though the scarf has gone on to fulfill its bee-saving destiny. I hope it's happy and keeping someone toasty warm and bright. Anyway. This time I'm doing the same thing, a stitch from this dictionary, an edging from that hat, modified to fit the shape and size of what I'm doing, plus a few ideas of my own of what I'd like in a cowl if I actually wore them and what I think would look pretty on the intended recipient.
I'm going to have to make up another one in a smoother yarn once I finish, because fluffy yarn hides a multitude of sins. It may be entirely ugly when you can see the stitch definition, who knows? Right now, though, in this fluffy, ambiguously weighted yarn, it looks killer. So far.

If I do end up putting it up on ye olde intarwebs as a proper pattern, it's also going to need a name. I have a few ideas kicking around, but I'll need to do some searching to make sure I'm not ripping anything off or being too unoriginal.

But yes, all this talk of knitting, you say? That means you have YARN? Oh fucking snap, yes I fucking do. Louise gave me £50 worth of Hobbycraft vouchers for xmas because she is beyond amazing and is my total bff (NOT BECAUSE SHE BUYS MY LOVE WITH YARN), and I WENT YARN SHOPPING, MOTHERFUCKERS.


It was brilliant. I haven't properly done that in over a year.
Lookit the bounty!!!!!


Also I got eyes for little stuffed dudes, and ZOMG STEGOSAURUS BUTTONS!!!!!!!!
That floofy dark grey on the far left is what I'm using for the cowl, and the skinny black cotton right next to it is for some crochet lace opera gloves for Brooklynne. So, yes, I spent a fair amount of my gift money on other people. *shrug* What can I say? I give until it hurts. ;P Speaking of which, I'm sending Melissa her Ianto tomorrow:

...as well as mailing out the final LSG traveling scarf. *single tear*

Grah. My internet keeps cutting out and coming back and cutting out ad nauseum. I better stop before I totally hulk out. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. And I'm PMSing like a mofo right now. Which reminds me...

An Ode To PMS Boobies
O, fairest Bunny & Piglet
(yes, they have names, shut up)
Why you gotta hurt so bad for so long?
I have stairs in my house that I have to go up
and down countless times a day.
You make that fucking difficult.
And is it necessary to spread that pain
all the way into my armpits?
I don't look very good holding my arms out
like freaking chicken wings.
You hurt with a bra,
you hurt without a bra.
You don't respond to opiates,
ibuprofen,
arnica,
anything.
The only good thing I can say about you
is that you look fuckin' killer this week
and I almost feel as though I have my awesome rack
back
from when I wasn't so skinny.
So, thanks for that.
It almost makes up for the misery.
Almost.
Bitches.

fin.

Stuff.

I haven't for-real blogged in ages.
Nothing's been going on, really. It all gets filtered out through Twitter these days, mainly.

Ooh, I've got the last LSG traveling scarf before mine arrives!!! That's pretty damned exciting, I'mma blog the shit outta that when mine gets here. I keep hearing amazing things about it. I specifically requested no photos online before I get it, I didn't want scarf spoilers. Yes. I am even spoiler-phobic about KNITTING. Does this give you an indication of how bad I will cut you if you spoil something important for me? I'mma cut you so bad you gonna wish I no cut you so bad. So yeah, totally excited about the EPIC SCARF OF AWESOME TWATWEASEL HOAR LOVE coming my way ere long.

I've been crocheting a little Ianto for Melissa, because I'm awesome like that, but his hair is a pain in the ass so I'm taking a break & doing a simple fisherman's rib section for that last traveling scarf (also that is on a deadline so I kind of HAVE to do the scarf first, but if I think of it like that I won't want to do it at all) & then I'll get back on making him look less like a medieval monk.

He has an adorable little suit and will have a purple tie. The "pattern" is like, three different patterns cobbled together & tweaked, so yeah... it's not the most clear-cut project to do, but he's gonna kick ass. I may have to make myself a dog-collared, straitjacketed Master at some point. ROWR.

And as soon as the roads are unsnowy enough to drive to Hobbycraft, my beloved Weezie gave me ZOMFG gift vouchers so all their yarn is belong to me. I'mma make a lush scrunchysoft cowl for Jewles & get some of that gorge self-striping stuff I forget the name of that I spent ages petting last time I was there & I'm gonna splurge & get myself those expensive clay stegosaurus buttons.... It's gonna be amazing and Weezie is win.

I can barely see as I type, as I have slathered my eyelashes for the night with my eyelash conditioner stuff, which honestly makes me feel like an extra in some bizarre eyelash bukakke porno.


But it's working. Even my skeptical husband said that my eyelashes seemed perkier. He sounded disappointed. He totally wanted it to be bullshit. HA. Beauty products ftw, bitch.

I've been reading a depressing amount of Star Wars novels lately. And Farmville? Yep. Still totally pwning my entire soul. This new year isn't starting off bad, just.... not much different from the last one.

The IVF is.... well.... fucking stalled out again. The clinic seems to be a bunch of incommunicative assholes who want me to jump through the same hoops through which I've already jumped several times, and my doctor's getting pissed at them in her adorably soft, English way. It's nice to know that someone in the medical profession actually has my back. I haven't felt like that since my pediatrician. I have such doctor-fear, it's insane. She helps, this one. I really like her.

I just want a fucking baby, goddammit. Ok, 2. A boy and a girl. But really.... people get knocked up all the time who don't want to. Why the fuck did I luck out with the fertility problems??? Ok, sorry. Ranting.

Unproductive.

I have a wonderful husband, a bizarre, perfectly fantastic kitty who is the source of SO much joy and lulz, amazingly generous friends that I don't even deserve, and the most wonderful family to ever exist, on BOTH sides of the Atlantic... So yeah. Not too shabby, really.

Very cool.

I'm just going to copy and paste this entire email from my dad into this blog post because I think it is ace and I don't think he would mind.
____________________________

Tonight a new woman arrived in the valley, just days before Lois.

This one is a witch!

As the brewmaster of Grand Teton Brewing pointed out...

"We've brewed our Black Cauldron Imperial Stout to recognize and honor the women in the history of brewing. Brewing has been women's work since the dawn of civilization. In all ancient cultures, beer was a gift from a goddess, and women maintained status and power through their skills as brewsters. This remains true today in indigenous cultures from Asia to Latin America, Africa to remote villages in Scandinavia. Around the world, women baked bread and brewed their own beer.

In Europe, the rise of cities brought commercial brewing, as governments realized the potential tax revenue to be had from large breweries. By 1445, the first all-male brewers' guild was established, the campaign against witchcraft burst forth across Europe, and the purge of women from brewing had begun. Beer historian Alan Eames has written that, when an occupation was listed, most of the women burned for witchcraft in Europe were brewsters or alewives.

Most of the imagery we associate with witchcraft today originated with the brewster. The large black cauldron bubbling over with foam? A brew kettle, of course. The black cat? Necessary to keep rats out of the grain store. The tall pointed hat? It allowed the brewster to be seen over the heads of taller men in the marketplace. A broom? The symbol of household domesticity, it is still associated with brewing all over the world.

Without the work of these women through the ages, it's entirely possible beer would not exist today."

What a history lesson, and what a beer!

It was released to the public for the first time tonight and of course I was there to explore the dark.

Three of the first glasses of Black Cauldron ever drawn from the tap. One was the original, one was aged on coffee beans, and the third was bourbon aged. Purist that I am I preferred the original to the other two.

Bruce toasts the brewsters, witches that they were. Blessed be. And popcorn.

_______________________________

Also that is the Jughead hat I made him for his birthday. :)))

Meme time!



Farmville, Smallville, traveling scarf... good life.

Yeah, they're not a very exciting 6 words today, but it's not a very exciting day. It is set to be a mellow day. I'm excited to find a stitch pattern for the traveling scarf I got today, it's all so gorgeous & the variety of interesting stitches makes me want to equal what's already been done. We both seem to be decidedly getting well this time, my cramps are fading, the weather is AWFUL, which makes our little house seem that much more cozy.... yeah. Mellow day. Here's hoping.

AAAHHHHH OMG TONY TODD JUST APPEARED ON SMALLVILLE AND SCARED THE CRAP OUTTA ME. There goes my mellow. If anyone's gonna harsh your mellow, it's the fuckin' Candyman. *shudder* God, I love him.

Day The Eighth. Knitting For Other People. And bonus hotness.

Last night I finished my section of the next LSG traveling scarf.

It's for the only boy in my group. I was aiming for manly & regal. It's a dark green chenille under that quilting stitch, and in real life it's quite plush & lovely.

Then I started a crocheted kokeshi doll for my sister-in-law's birthday later this month. I made a couple for my friends Mimi & Louise awhile ago & they love them. I hope Meg enjoys hers. She has a small collection of store-bought ones. I hope this just doesn't come across as a cheap get-out gift. She can be a tad unsentimental. :)
And she has a pretty little iridescent leaf bead hair ornament:



Then, this afternoon.... I officially started my Christmas knitting.

The rest of that green chenille is going to be a pair of these for said sister-in-law. I hope they come out as cushy and lush as they are in my imagination.

While I worked today, I watched Operation Petticoat. Tony Curtis may have pretty eyes, but I've never really seen the great attraction, especially when he's standing next to Cary Grant, who may be the perfect man. My grama agreed, when I emailed her and mentioned what I was watching - "Cary Grant - a dreamboat! Tony Curtis - nothing very special." Good taste runs in my family.

Let's have some gratuitous eye candy, shall we?





Wait a second!!! Gregory Peck?!? How'd your fine, broody ass get up in there? Oh well, this is me not complaining.

Blogtoberfest, you say? Day The First.

Fine. I'll do it.
I have successfully guilted myself into signing up. Gooooo me! \o/
Today I am mailing a letter to President Obama thanking him for sticking it to student loan companies. I'll go do that in a sec. Also I shall be picking up my increased-dosage-sized-antidepressants.

Now, though, I think I'll just post a picture of the scarf section I was on about yesterday.


No, it's not the most elegant thing, it's not super pretty. But it was therapeutic and it has a point. And I love it a little. Also it was the very first time I've properly used any of my handspun, that blue along 2 edges.... It's pretty special.

Also today I have vowed to dye my hair. It's been way too long, it's almost totally natural colored, which frightens me. I've been too depressed lately to really do anything but the most basic taking-care-of-myself things. Which, unfortunately, does not include eating.

Shit, this is a downer.

I really am feeling somewhat better, just knowing that I'm on a higher dose and that things will eventually begin to look up.

I think when I get home from the pharmacy & post office, and after I dye my hair, I will probably continue work on my neon pink & rainbow Super Saver boobholder. It has adorable puffy sleeves. I've gotten kind of stymied on my Wrist Warmer Cocoon Shrug. The pattern is simply too vague and.... well.... not actually a pattern. I'll figure something out, I just can't take the anxiety right now.

Today is my daddy's 58th birthday.

He is ripped and I'm not sure when that happened.
He's also pretty much my hero.

That is all.

Fibery Musings...

I got my most recent LSG traveling scarf today. The owner requested that each section be an expression of the person knitting it.

Well.

She asked for it.

I'm using the lace pattern from the Anne Shirley scarf on Knitty. Anne has always been my heroine.
I'm using size 8 needles because that's all I had free. That's a true reflection of me. All my needles taken up by projects I haven't touched in months.
I'm using, mainly, bright yellow Red Heart Super Saver.
You know why.
I love that shit. I love it truly and dearly and unironically. I use it, I make the best of it, I make beautiful things from it, I make useful things from it. It makes me happy, and it's cheap.
I'm incredibly poor.
I can't afford nice yarns.

This does not mean I don't like them, want them, lust after them, get madly jealous of people who can blow $100 on 4 skeins of something on a whim....

I recently had words put into my mouth and feelings attributed to me that I don't feel. I don't "hate" nice it-yarns. I want them. Desperately. Maybe I don't get it entirely, but I still want some. I don't think "everyone who uses [them] is a filthy whore." That hurt. I want to be someone who uses them. Badly. I never said either of these things or felt either of these feelings.

I do not *do* reverse-yarn-racism. I make the best of what I can have and what I can use and what I can acquire.

So in the scarf I am including a stripe of some of my handspun. I won a mini baby alpaca roving in a PhatFiber contest last June, I spun it fairly recently, and am using it in this scarf. I have never knit with any of my handspun before. This is special.

It's an expression of me.

Granted, I may not be able to resist doing a crochet edging in neon rainbow acrylic around my section, but hey. What's a girl to do?

One of *THOSE* blog posts.

OMG IT'S ANOTHER HOUSEWIFE POSTING PICTURES OF HER CAT ON TEH INTARWEBS!!!!!

Suck on it.

This is Tessy chillaxing in the sun.

Tessy saying "WHAT? What're you doing? Mommy? I'm chillaxing."


"GO'WAY MOMMY."


Yeah, it's sideways. Suck on that, too. That's just how I roll.

So. Lately I have lost my crafting mojo. I've been doing a little bit here and there on various things. Rainbow acrylic things and nicer things and cable things and crochet things and new things and old things... But I haven't been able to stick to any one thing. I totally rocked the next LSG traveling scarf section, that was rad. I did OMG GOAT CABLES. So when I have my mojo back for a whole project, that's definitely getting worked into something for myself. I started crocheting my first sweater awhile ago, and thanks to Mimi I have the yarn for my first knitted one, but golly.... intimidated. Also I have some beautiful beads I won from Foxy Findings on Twitter, but yeah. Craft mojo gone-gone. Which sounds weird if you could actually see me lately as I am always knitting or crocheting or something, but I just can't stick to any one thing for too long and I can't bring myself to pull out any serious projects at the moment.
It could have something to do with a combo of upping the dosage of my antidepressants and the start of allergy season. I don't feel great, but nothing will actually break into proper sickness so I can get over it, you know?

Oooh, also I love Plurk.

I apologize for having NOTHING OF INTEREST to say. Really. I just felt I should say something over here. I don't even know.

So. Are Brad and Angelina breaking up? What do you think?

::crickets::

I did actually get a new wedding ring Friday. My original one has a bit of a sad saga, really.

We got married, had a gorgeous honeymoon roadtrip to the Grand Canyon, and then Owen had to go back to England, and I couldn't until my visa stuff got processed. It was the suckiest couple weeks ever, basically. A few days after he left, my BRAND NEW wedding ring lost a diamond. Little newlywed, all alone, living with her parents, husband on the other side of the world... and I have to take off my ring for another week or so while it gets repaired. IT IS VERY SAD. I had a necklace my dad's stepmom had given me when I was a little bitty girl that had a diamond of exactly the right size, so that was nice.

A year or so goes by, I'm ensconced safely and legally in England, and another diamond falls out. We totally got it fixed. It didn't cost very much, but it was no nicer not having my ring during the repair, so the day we took it in, we stopped at Claire's and got a little braided band with rhinestones as a place holder. It almost immediately turned my finger both green AND red, and also itchy. Sigh.

So nearly another year later, the last diamond fell out.

We took it back to the same jeweler that had replaced the second stone, and they said NOPE. Sorry, it's completely unfixable.
The ring itself had cracked the whole way up one side, all the way through at the setting where it was really thin. A write-off. Unless we somehow won the lottery and could get it melted down and reformed into a whole new ring. But that's for someday in the future when we're not po'.

So my wonderful husband took Friday off work and took me jewelry shopping. The first ring we looked at was the one. I knew this, he knew this, but we still trawled all over town just in case. It's much sturdier, and only has one stone that's set flush with the band. It's so pretty and will be better for me, as I am apparently DESTRUCTOR.

One of the things about the original was that it was way too big. We were gonna get it resized while it was being repaired. The engagement ring, which is just barely smaller, was holding it on. That didn't work so well with a wider band. I was really afraid my engagement ring would fall off, so for now they're upside down. I think the square settings look amazing together. I dunno, I'm really happy with it. And I have the most lovely husband ever.

We still haven't heard back from the IVF people. My GP gave me the number for a direct line to the fertility dude's secretary, so tomorrow I'm gonna call. It's out of his hands right now, though, but maybe he can give me an idea of who to contact next. So yeah. I really don't have much news. I haven't made anything, I'm not pregnant.... I'm doing some laundry and watching old episodes of Ellen. Owen's making us some burgers. Tess is back asleep upstairs in the sun after the molestation. Basically, it's Sunday afternoon as it should be.