Sex and Candy. And scarves.

Mmmm. One of my favorite BPALs today, Violet Ray.

So, yeah, of course as soon as I got this imp & read the tag, my mind went straight to sex. Um... that happens most of the time, actually, but yeah. That's neither here nor there. When I looked it up, saw it was from their steampunk collection, read the little blurb on the site, I was pretty much giddy with the electric steampunk sexytimes yay arm-flailing. I mean, come on, my cat is named Tesla.


VIOLET RAY
Though the doctor continued to assure her that the treatment was therapeutic, her anxiety increased. Ignoring her feeble protestations, the doctor produced a pair of glass wands, and set to work.

As the machine hummed to life, her misgivings were dissolved in a haze of unexpected pleasure. Warmth, contrasted sharply with a million white-hot pinpricks and a strangely cooling blast of electricity, surged through her thighs. The metal electrodes secured beneath her corset flared as the electrical current swelled through her nerve endings.

White mint, purple musk, violet, lilac, ylang ylang, lavender moss, and sandalwood.

So, yeah. Perfect. Also, I'm a sucker for violet. My deodorant is violet scented. My favorite candy on earth is those little old-fashioned violet pastilles with an aniseseed in the center. Violet doesn't have to be a little old lady smell, and this BPAL pretty much proves it. It's sweeeeeet. But not sickening. Just.... lifting. In fact, that's exactly why I put it on. After my little going-to-sleep-with-Greed adventure earlier, I couldn't wake up for the life of me, so I knew I had to go straight to my Violet Ray zap when I needed to get up and out. I lucked into 2 imps of this, so it'll be a little while til I need to buy a bottle, but I most assuredly will be buying one eventually. The musk is just barely enough to keep it anchored, and put over the top of slept-in-for-hours Greed, it's juuuuuust right. I can't pick out the mint consciously, but my subconscious knows it's there and perks up. Sex and candy.

And now for the scarves.

OMG *FLAAAAAIL* I GOT MY LSG TRAVELING SCARF BAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!

OMG.
Ok, so the HNT thing & being spotlight over at e[lust] & all has attracted about a zillion new people (I can see you, you know, lurkers. Statcounter ftw) so let me explain. About a year ago, an online knitting group I was a part of, Lazy, Stupid, and Godless, started a traveling scarf group for their 1-year anniversary. We are/were (I'm no longer an active member, but I'm still quite close with people I met there & am still entirely lazy, stupid, and godless, I'm in offshoot groups, and stuff, we just won't get into that drama right now because I have my scarf, I smell amazing, and the Addams Family movie is coming on, I'm not harshing my mellow) the guys & girls that want you all to know that knitting & crochet are not (as with violet scents, OMG THEME!) solely the preserve of old ladies. (Oooh! Did you know Morticia knitted in almost every episode of The Addams Family tv show?) We are rude, opinionated, often naked, intelligent, perceptive, and curse enough to make sailors run for their mommy.

Traveling scarves are this: One person knits a bit of a scarf. Approximately 6 inches in this case. They send it on to the next person in the group who knits another bit, and so on, in a circle, until the original person gets their own scarf back, with however many bits of scarf knitted by their friends, with their friends' personalities put into each section. A little notebook is included with each, to chronicle each person's thoughts, yarn choices, stitches, etc. I've been spottily blogging about the sections I've done on other people's scarves, but now I have my own back!!!!! I haven't opened the package yet. I'm savoring the antici......















....pation.


This is how mine started:
My instructions were: DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT. I wanted no restrictions on fiber content, colors, gauge, anything. I started mine out in the spirit I wanted it continued, I made a "magic ball" of some of my most random bits of yarn and knit my initial section with that. My only request was that there be no photos publicly uploaded til I received it. I didn't want spoilers. That would have totally ruined the INSANE AMOUNT OF EXCITEMENT I have right this second!!!!

Ok. I'm going in.

OMGOMGOMG THIS IS BEST. There is penii and boobs and rainbows and angel pubes and funfur and handspun and colors and lace and skulls and omg!!!! It's everything I dreamed of and more!!!!! And not too many ends to weave in!!!! (thanks, hoars!)

Orange penii!!! Srsly! Look closer.

BOOBS!!!

Thank you, you magnificent twatweasels. I love it. My most treasured piece of knitwear EVER.

Half-Nekkid Toga Party Plus Epic Bloggery About Nothing Much And A Poem

Oh, snap. Looks like the blanket cave is good for other stuff too. :D
I dunno, I was feeling all artsyfartsy and I thought I had good angles, as Tyra would say.

In other non-half-nekkid news, ZOMG I am designing a knitting pattern. FOR REALS!! Jewles wanted a cowl. A chunky, soft, charcoal grey cowl. I had a gander at all the free cowl patterns on Rav and basically thought, "Hrm.... I could do better." Now, I've knitted stuff from scratch before, without a pattern, per se... just various stitch dictionaries and stuff I already knew, etc... I thought about putting out a pattern for the Bee Scarf that I made up for this wonderful cause...


...but I thought it was maybe a bit too silly or derivative or simple. I don't know, I still might, I wrote down exactly what I did somehwere even though the scarf has gone on to fulfill its bee-saving destiny. I hope it's happy and keeping someone toasty warm and bright. Anyway. This time I'm doing the same thing, a stitch from this dictionary, an edging from that hat, modified to fit the shape and size of what I'm doing, plus a few ideas of my own of what I'd like in a cowl if I actually wore them and what I think would look pretty on the intended recipient.
I'm going to have to make up another one in a smoother yarn once I finish, because fluffy yarn hides a multitude of sins. It may be entirely ugly when you can see the stitch definition, who knows? Right now, though, in this fluffy, ambiguously weighted yarn, it looks killer. So far.

If I do end up putting it up on ye olde intarwebs as a proper pattern, it's also going to need a name. I have a few ideas kicking around, but I'll need to do some searching to make sure I'm not ripping anything off or being too unoriginal.

But yes, all this talk of knitting, you say? That means you have YARN? Oh fucking snap, yes I fucking do. Louise gave me £50 worth of Hobbycraft vouchers for xmas because she is beyond amazing and is my total bff (NOT BECAUSE SHE BUYS MY LOVE WITH YARN), and I WENT YARN SHOPPING, MOTHERFUCKERS.


It was brilliant. I haven't properly done that in over a year.
Lookit the bounty!!!!!


Also I got eyes for little stuffed dudes, and ZOMG STEGOSAURUS BUTTONS!!!!!!!!
That floofy dark grey on the far left is what I'm using for the cowl, and the skinny black cotton right next to it is for some crochet lace opera gloves for Brooklynne. So, yes, I spent a fair amount of my gift money on other people. *shrug* What can I say? I give until it hurts. ;P Speaking of which, I'm sending Melissa her Ianto tomorrow:

...as well as mailing out the final LSG traveling scarf. *single tear*

Grah. My internet keeps cutting out and coming back and cutting out ad nauseum. I better stop before I totally hulk out. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. And I'm PMSing like a mofo right now. Which reminds me...

An Ode To PMS Boobies
O, fairest Bunny & Piglet
(yes, they have names, shut up)
Why you gotta hurt so bad for so long?
I have stairs in my house that I have to go up
and down countless times a day.
You make that fucking difficult.
And is it necessary to spread that pain
all the way into my armpits?
I don't look very good holding my arms out
like freaking chicken wings.
You hurt with a bra,
you hurt without a bra.
You don't respond to opiates,
ibuprofen,
arnica,
anything.
The only good thing I can say about you
is that you look fuckin' killer this week
and I almost feel as though I have my awesome rack
back
from when I wasn't so skinny.
So, thanks for that.
It almost makes up for the misery.
Almost.
Bitches.

fin.

Day The Eleventh. Associate.

Unconscious Mutterings:

1. My treat :: thank you!
   
2. Bell :: book, and candle
   
3. Five :: is alive
   
4. You’re crazy! :: usually.
   
5. Disgust :: Dannii Minogue
   
6. Tempest :: Ariel
   
7. Bummer :: dude
   
8. Brim :: full
   
9. Hose :: pipe
   
10. Lollipop :: stick
    

Turns out I'm not the only calendar girl in the family! My brother is Mister September in the fundraising calendar to get lights in the skate park in my family's tiny town in Idaho! He's a lanky goggle-eyed freak.


And, lest we forget, & because I am an attention hoar, let's revisit how AWESOME I was as Miss Februrary in the LSG NSFW knitting calendar this year!


Today I shall work on what I have finally settled on for SIL's Christmas fingerless gloves! Della Mitts! (Rav link, sorry everybody else)
I'm doing them in gorgeous "Taffy" sock yarn, Patons Stretch Socks.


I'm not looking forward to starting the PITA thumb gusset. God, gusset is a horrible word.
::shudder::

One of *THOSE* blog posts.

OMG IT'S ANOTHER HOUSEWIFE POSTING PICTURES OF HER CAT ON TEH INTARWEBS!!!!!

Suck on it.

This is Tessy chillaxing in the sun.

Tessy saying "WHAT? What're you doing? Mommy? I'm chillaxing."


"GO'WAY MOMMY."


Yeah, it's sideways. Suck on that, too. That's just how I roll.

So. Lately I have lost my crafting mojo. I've been doing a little bit here and there on various things. Rainbow acrylic things and nicer things and cable things and crochet things and new things and old things... But I haven't been able to stick to any one thing. I totally rocked the next LSG traveling scarf section, that was rad. I did OMG GOAT CABLES. So when I have my mojo back for a whole project, that's definitely getting worked into something for myself. I started crocheting my first sweater awhile ago, and thanks to Mimi I have the yarn for my first knitted one, but golly.... intimidated. Also I have some beautiful beads I won from Foxy Findings on Twitter, but yeah. Craft mojo gone-gone. Which sounds weird if you could actually see me lately as I am always knitting or crocheting or something, but I just can't stick to any one thing for too long and I can't bring myself to pull out any serious projects at the moment.
It could have something to do with a combo of upping the dosage of my antidepressants and the start of allergy season. I don't feel great, but nothing will actually break into proper sickness so I can get over it, you know?

Oooh, also I love Plurk.

I apologize for having NOTHING OF INTEREST to say. Really. I just felt I should say something over here. I don't even know.

So. Are Brad and Angelina breaking up? What do you think?

::crickets::

I did actually get a new wedding ring Friday. My original one has a bit of a sad saga, really.

We got married, had a gorgeous honeymoon roadtrip to the Grand Canyon, and then Owen had to go back to England, and I couldn't until my visa stuff got processed. It was the suckiest couple weeks ever, basically. A few days after he left, my BRAND NEW wedding ring lost a diamond. Little newlywed, all alone, living with her parents, husband on the other side of the world... and I have to take off my ring for another week or so while it gets repaired. IT IS VERY SAD. I had a necklace my dad's stepmom had given me when I was a little bitty girl that had a diamond of exactly the right size, so that was nice.

A year or so goes by, I'm ensconced safely and legally in England, and another diamond falls out. We totally got it fixed. It didn't cost very much, but it was no nicer not having my ring during the repair, so the day we took it in, we stopped at Claire's and got a little braided band with rhinestones as a place holder. It almost immediately turned my finger both green AND red, and also itchy. Sigh.

So nearly another year later, the last diamond fell out.

We took it back to the same jeweler that had replaced the second stone, and they said NOPE. Sorry, it's completely unfixable.
The ring itself had cracked the whole way up one side, all the way through at the setting where it was really thin. A write-off. Unless we somehow won the lottery and could get it melted down and reformed into a whole new ring. But that's for someday in the future when we're not po'.

So my wonderful husband took Friday off work and took me jewelry shopping. The first ring we looked at was the one. I knew this, he knew this, but we still trawled all over town just in case. It's much sturdier, and only has one stone that's set flush with the band. It's so pretty and will be better for me, as I am apparently DESTRUCTOR.

One of the things about the original was that it was way too big. We were gonna get it resized while it was being repaired. The engagement ring, which is just barely smaller, was holding it on. That didn't work so well with a wider band. I was really afraid my engagement ring would fall off, so for now they're upside down. I think the square settings look amazing together. I dunno, I'm really happy with it. And I have the most lovely husband ever.

We still haven't heard back from the IVF people. My GP gave me the number for a direct line to the fertility dude's secretary, so tomorrow I'm gonna call. It's out of his hands right now, though, but maybe he can give me an idea of who to contact next. So yeah. I really don't have much news. I haven't made anything, I'm not pregnant.... I'm doing some laundry and watching old episodes of Ellen. Owen's making us some burgers. Tess is back asleep upstairs in the sun after the molestation. Basically, it's Sunday afternoon as it should be.

Twitter is evil.

Today I have had the changes-from-the-book/ending of the Watchmen movie *AND* the season of America's Next Top Model that is currently on in the UK spoiled for me via Twitter.
I am deeply, deeply upset about this.
People need to think.

Also I got my second LSG traveling scarf.
I used a pattern from my new book which I was LSG-RAK-ed, Ocean Breezes: Knitted Scarves Inspired by the Sea. Is called Mermaid Mesh, and I love it madly and want to make a whole scarf of it sometime, but the yarn I used is a tail-end of one ball I had and is so nice that I am spoiled and wouldn't like the pattern in anything crappy, which is all I actually have.




I'm also doing another one from that book just for myself called Ocean Currents. It's also incredibly gorgeous and looks nice in cheap yarn, which is a TOTAL plus.

Knitting Meme

LSG blogstalking found me this.
Bold the things you've tried.

Afghan
American/English knitting
Baby items
Bobbles
Buttonholes
Cable stitch patterns
Cardigan
Charity Knitting
Combination knitting
Continental knitting
Cuffs/fingerless mits/arm-warmers
Darning
Designing knitted garments
Domino knitting
Drop Stitch Patterns
Dyeing Spinning Fibre
Dyeing with plant colors
Dyeing Yarn
Entrelac
Fair Isle knitting
Free-form knitting
Fulling/felting
Garter stitch
Gloves
Graffiti knitting
Hair accessories
Hats: Cuff-up
Hats: Top down
Holiday related knitting
Household Items
I-Cord
Intarsia
Jewelry
Kitchener stitch
Knitted flowers
Knitting a gift
Knitting a pattern from an on-line knitting magazine
Knitting and purling backwards
Knitting art
Knitting for a living
Knitting for pets
Knitting for Preemies
Knitting in public
Knitting Items for Weddings (okay, well crocheting)
Knitting on a loom
Knitting smocking
Knitting socks (or other small tubular items) on one or two circulars (that'd be the "other small tubular items, I'm a dpn sock girl)
Knitting to make money
Knitting two socks on two circulars simultaneously
Knitting with alpaca
Knitting with bamboo yarn
Knitting with banana fiber yarn
Knitting with beads
Knitting with Camel Yarn
Knitting with cashmere
Knitting with circular needles
Knitting with cotton
Knitting with dog/cat hair
Knitting with dpns
Knitting with Linen
Knitting with metal Wire
Knitting with recycled/secondhand yarn
Knitting with self patterning/self striping/variegated yarn
Knitting with silk
Knitting with someone else's hand-spun yarn
Knitting with soy yarn
Knitting with synthetic yarn
Knitting with wool
Knitting with your own hand-spun yarn
Lace patterns
Long Tail CO
Machine knitting
Mittens: Cuff-up
Mittens: Tip-down
Moebius band knitting
Norwegian knitting
Participate in an exchange
Participating in a KAL
Pillows
Publishing a knitting book
Purses/bags
Rug
Scarf
Shawl
Short rows
Shrug/bolero/poncho
Slip stitch patterns
Slippers
Socks: toe-up
Socks: top-down
Steeks
Stockinette stitch
Stuffed toys
Swatching
Sweater
Tassels
Teaching a child to knit
Teaching a Male how to knit
Textured knitting
Thrummed knitting
Toy/doll clothing
Tubular CO
Twisted stitch patterns
Two end knitting
Writing a pattern

So, basically what my list is saying is that I am a pussy, and a poor one at that. Not too shabby, though?

My tongue is epic.

Someone over in LSG just mentioned being able to tie a cherry stem with one's tongue. I can double knot often, and have tripled once or twice on an especially worthy stem. My tongue is a MONSTAR TONGUE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS, you see.

I have thought about getting it pierced for over a decade, but think I would probably just end up chipping my teeth, I have really weak enamel.

I would dearly love to get it split, but Hub says NO. It would squick him out too bad, apparently. But he does say he wouldn't leave me if I did. Maybe I can talk him around one day.





Also, I can touch it to my nose:
This is a pretty good party trick as well, though I don't go to parties, so it's kind of pointless. Also it leaves the tip of your nose all spitty and your chin and bottom lip look all stupid. Not a sexy look, all in all.

It tastes things really well, it's perfectly functional for talking. But sometimes I wish I had a cute little sexy tongue. You know, like those little bitty pointy hot pink affairs some girls are always saucily sticking out at people.

If I do that, it just looks like that something that's been infesting my skull has grown to maturity and is trying to escape.


I also have really pointy teeth. All of them, all the way back, are pointy and sharp.
















Thus ends my blogging of my tongue. Thank you. I'll be here all week, please tip your waiter, and try the veal.

Oscars. British Coverage. Expect Winkleman-hate and increasing drunky-ness. If you don't completely teal deer this, you have my eternal love.

First off: My coverage of the red carpet coverage.

Fearne Cotton's eye makeup looks AMAZING, ye gods, I want her makeup man.
She's apparently right up next to Seacrest in the holding tank, which gets her some propz.

I loves me some Hannah Montana, bitches. Deal with it. So, naturally I wanted to see her dress.

Interrupting myself to say WTF THE FLAGS??? Stupid Fearne did that at the stupid Golden Globes with the stupid British flags, forcing them upon celebrities who clearly DID NOT WANT.

Back to Miley. I wanted to see her dress. But this Sky Movies coverage is showing the top half of celebrities ONLY, as yet. I don't understand it. Only Dominic Cooper is talking to Fearne. No real celebrities will want to talk to her, will they. Ooooh, I might offend some British people. Call the waaaaahmbulance.

For the record, I will be drinking this:
Domaine des Lauriers Vin de Pays D'Oc SYRAH GRENACHE
Thick, rich concentrated dark plum nose. Big and bold with a slightly sweet chocolate flavour. Peppery on the finish. Good balance, structure and depth. A superb red which really outshines its classification - stunning & different!!!

ZOMG Tony Hopkins FTW. He is a sex god. HE LIKES FEARNE'S EYESHADOW TOO, we are soulmates meant to be. Please eat my sweetmeats, Tony, please.

Gotta pee.
Can't. It's back on. Someone I don't know. Ohhhh Zac Efron. Psht.

Also for the record, during tonight's events, I will be working on this (and hopefully finishing it):
Multidirectional Scarf in Noro Silver Thaw given to me by the too-wonderful-to-be-believed and too-cute-to-even-be-real Mimi. You should buy things from her, she is amazing and beautiful. Someday I will snuggle her head and take her to the zoo. Maybe on our holiday with booze and rainbows.

Kevin Kline WIN! He is so best, I love classically trained actors that do comedy films. It makes me very happy in my black little heart. DAMMIT FEARNE, quit trying to winkle out secrets from the people involved in the show. They don't want it spoiled, we don't want it spoiled, DIAF, kthxbai. Not really Fearne, you're ok. But stoppit with the secret-winkling.

Still have to pee.
Ooh, good time, stupid little video about Fearne and someone I've never heard of planning their outfits or some shit.
That was a good pee.
SEACREST FTW!!!!

Commercials.

So here, let's have one from me, our lovely sponsor:

Here is the aforementioned Dream Swatch headwrap from previous post (again with the Simply Soft):
Plz to ignore weird cockatiel hair goin' on in the back.

This British red carpet coverage is, so far, FAIL.
FEARNE - do not stand in front of the dress about which you are asking/commenting. Presenting fail.

My lip balm tastes of violets.

Oh Fearne.... They have weird stock footage from someone else showing the *REAL* celebrities' dresses cut into Fearne's "interviews" of the dregs that will speak to her. Not that Dr Lecter is a dreg. But he may drink me to mine.

Oh, girl-from-Mama-Mia, red dresses on the red carpet just blend in and you look bad in the photos later, even if the dress itself is a masterpiece.

It irks me how British people say "boogie." They say the Boo syllable as though they are a ghost. Americans pronounce the oo as in book. It sounds less silly that way. That word needs all the unsillying help it can get.

Oh gods, it's the Twilight kid. I feel for him. How bad must it feel to have some 13 year old girl come up to you, dripping in blood, having sliced her neck for you.... You being an ACTOR playing a ROLE in a MOVIE. Poor kid, seriously. My mom's insisting I read the books. I may or may not.

OH GOD AMY ADAMS coming up next. Oh golly PRINCESS GISELLE!!!

NOOOOOOOO SARAH JESSICA PARKER LOOKS LIKE A FOOT.

I refuse to look at the tv again til she's gone.
LA LA LA I Can't Hear You, FootFace, your marriage is ending, hahaha, step away from the Matthew who is too good for you, kthxdai.

Josh Brolin? Win. Lookin' nice. Ben Kingsley took a flag, bless his heart. Owen is stewing over Kingsley's not going to the Oscars when he's been invited in the past. He (and I) desperately want to go. Someday when Alamo & Tess is adapted into an Oscar nominated film, we will be there. Oh, Marissa Tomei! Or does she have 1 s? I dunno. She's too bony. Eat something, sweetie. Mickey Rourke on deck, apparently. He loves the UK, he should talk to Fearne. It's so hard to reconcile deeeeeeelicious Angel Heart Mickey with now-Mickey.

I want to see Doubt ever so badly. OOOH MICKEY!! He's such a fascinating man. Deeply, deeply fascinating, I was so sorry to hear about his little doggy Loki. I wish I could've hugged him when I heard. Gaultier suit, Mickey, hot hot hot. Oh!!! He's got a photo of Loki on his chains. Bless. What a dear, dear man.

QUEEN LATIFAH!!!! MAH BIZZNITCH!!! Want to be.

I have to pee again.
Le sigh. Bladder the size of a pea. Smaller than an average pee, however.
HAHAAAA Peter Gabriel, time to go take a whiz.

FEARNE. You've misused "literally." You are off the cool list forever, sweetie, sorry.
Oh, look, Angelina's wearing black. Ho hum. Fantastic earrings, though. Probably real emeralds. That's my birthstone, hunny, WANT.
NOOOOOO NOT CLAUDIA WINKLEMAN. I hate her, she ruins my Oscars every year I've been in Britain.

I lied before, in the previous post about the only thing I care about being Heath FTW. I also really want Mickey Rourke to win his, too. But Heath is my main concern.

My actual Oscars commentary will probably be much shorter and sparser than this. Just a feeling I have. I haven't seen too many of the movies, because, as I've said, we get movies here so late and we're so poor.

"Lovely Tilda Swinton" my ass.

WOW! She has on lipstick, though. That's some props. But no, just no Tilda. Named after a punctuation mark. ~ Swinton is one of my least favorite people.

I want an anchor tattoo on my bicep. And an oldschool mermaid on the other.

This is stupid. People in the VT segments are saying stuff like "Well, we all want Kate and Danny to win because they're BRITISH!" Bullshit. Bullshit, says my BRITISH husband. We want certain people to win because we believe they are the best at what they do.

FEARNE YOU WHORE, you've done it again. "Awards literally coming out of her ears."
NO. FUCKING NO SHE DOES NOT. Literally is NOT a superlative. Stop it. I hate you so much now, Fearne, you were cool, now you're not. Off the list. Forever.

Now, then.

Oscars Coverage-Coverage Starts Here. Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up.

Right, then. This will be sparser than the red carpet coverage, as there will be less about which to be snarky and I actually want to WATCH most of it.

.....Well. There will still be Claudia effing Winkleman during the American ad-breaks which we don't have as it's on a movie channel here.
*snerk*
Oh, Claudia, I hate you and your fringe and your eyeshadow.

Wow, don't care about Gok Wan's opinions on stars he'll never meet. And he's panned Amy Adams and raved about SJP, I officially hate the man now.
Now he's panning Beyonce. Don't like him. Oh, god, please just stop it, British people.
Props to Portman for pink, though. Alliteration FTW.

Please, stupid British presenters, can we just have the show now?

OH JESUS GOD.
There's an LSG watch-along, I'm Twittering quite a bit of this, and doing this-this. I am fingerdrunk before I am even head-buzzed. This could get ugly.

OH YOU FUCKING HAGS, shut up. I just want to see the goddamn Academy Awards, FFS.

Commercials, jesus, I thought we wouldn't have any. I don't understand British tv, honestly.
Winkleman is a harpy.

FINALLY, the actual show is starting.

Is it can be Oscars time nao plz?

Oh, Hugh Jackman. Hit me with your Wolverine claws, please. Snikt.

Husband re Kate Winslet: "Oh don't start crying already! Bloody woman!"
Lulz.

OH!!! He's gonna sing!!! Thank you, Billy Crystal, for this precedent!
Jackman is a god. Anne Hathaway as Nixon, oh god, this is so great. WIN.

I'm gonna have to switch to caffeine now, it's nearly 2 am.

I've just learned we're getting this awhile after the US coverage so my twittering and LSG-along are fail. I don't want spoilers.

Whoopi looks SMOKIN'. That dress, that tat, oh woman, you are the shit. Shut up, Punctuation Swinton in your clumsily-knotted sack. Props for the lippy, but you need mascara.
Penelope Cruz looks like a My Little Pony.

Ohhhh god, but women speaking Spanish make me damp around the edges.

Nooooo, American commercial breaks mean we have to put up with idiotic British "experts" and "presenters." Please make it stop.

I'm gonna have some Doritos now and knit awhile.

"Writers do not merely write screenplays, they write movies."
Thank you for that, Hugh. I like that quote.

Oh, Tina Fey, you are beauty incarnate.

WHOA!!! Was that Sophia Loren out there in the dark??? Beautiful, beautiful woman. In every sense.
Oooooh, dissing Scientology at the Oscars, balls, yo.

Doritos are not sitting as well as I thought. Craving fail.

Owen and I are thinking that Mickey Rourke's a shoo-in now for Actor because Milk won screenplay. They give that kind of awards to movies that aren't gonna get the biggies. So sorry, Sean Penn. I think he knows it, too, by the look on his face. YAY GLBT SPEECH FTW!!!!

I loves me some ghey Mormons.

Jen should date Jack Black. John Mayer is a shit (ask me, I know). Jen and Jack should hook their hot shit up right now. They could be forever. The knitting is progressing slowly. Too much Twittering, mostly.

Wow, can I just quote my beloved @agnesnutter right now:

OMG so shocking. Wall-E? no. NO ONE IN THE WORLD EXCEPT THE WORLD SAW THAT ONE COMING.

DOMO ARIGATO MISTER ROBOTO speech WIN

Wow, don't care what these British people have to heckle about Hugh's song. What a bunch of stuffed shirt, talking head FAILPEOPLE.

Daniel Craig is SO much prettier than SJP. A clown-porn-star's bloated, drowned corpse's ass cyst is so much prettier than SJP.

I so very much want to see The Duchess. Loved me some Georgiana way before the rest of the world jumped on the bandwagon.

WHAT, SJP, WHAT???
"....That looks like the classic Joker of Batman lore, but with a crazed, psychotic twist."
WHAT????
THE JOKER IS A CRAZED PSYCHOTIC, YOU FUCKING FOOL.
Oh, just shut up.

I would *LOVE* to have tea with Dustin Hoffman.

I have to pee again, brb.

ROFL BEN STILLER, rockin' the Joaquin. Hilarious.
Wow. I've just previewed this for the first time. WTF is up with this formatting? I may hate Blogger now, wtf??? It's fucked all my shit up, what is this black and grey and not fixing sizes when I fix the sizes...

CHRIST, I need to see Pineapple Express. Seth Rogen, also a god.

CALL THE WAAAHMBULANCE for this snooty British bitch, whining about the "amateur presenting" of Seth & co. Jesus. Why do they inflict this shit on us, I'd rather see commercials.

Oh, yes, Hugh, sing some more, DANCE, baby, DANCE. I love how most screamy fangirls know nothing of his musical theatre bakground. Is like a secret we share.

Oh ::fluttersigh:: Beyonce, I love you.
Jackman & B singing songs from Grease = gasm of some sort...

I live for musicals. This is just.... oh god, so beautiful.
OHHHH, it was Teh Baz. Makes sense. Totally FTW.

WOOOHOOOO JOEL GREY!!!
Haha, I accidentally typed Joel Great. Seriously. Freudian, much? He is great. Truly.
Lulz, Cuba. He's a good kid, methinks.

Ohhhh, Mr. Walken. There aren't words. "Best" doesn't even come close.

Oh golly. Kevin's short little description of my puddin' Mistah J made me tear up.

You see, I love the Joker. I have since childhood. When they introduced Harley as a character, I identified right away, hence my diamonds:
My right leg is dedicated to my love of Mistah J, mah Puddin'. And Heath came as close as anyone has to achieving the Joker that lives in my head who is an amalgam of lots of performances/comics/fantasies...


OH HEATH OH HEATH YESS YES YES YES YES.
Oh god yes.
I am happy now.
Officially.
I am happy.

Seriously.

Crying, happy, sad, so happy. So crying. Oh golly.

Beautiful man, beautiful role, beautiful movie, sheer perfection all around.
Perfect.

Anime? This Man on Wire dude's daughter is called Anime??? CHIN BALANCE WIN!

Who is this bitch on the little Brit-fill-in commentary shit that thinks the Oscars aren't allowed to be fun? Seriously, who the fuck is she? Sometimes I really deeply loathe English people.

OHHH SNAP, Will Smith went there. "FANS." LOL. Best ever. Oh, Will, why you gotta be a Scientologist? You're otherwise so fuckin' perfect.

Sigh.

OH YAY DARK KNIGHT FTotherW!!!!
Acebest.

I'm getting too old for this shit. I'm SO TIRED. I'm satisfied with Heath. I would like to see Mickey get his (gods, don't let me have jinxed him there, kthxbai) but most of the rest I don't much care about. I'm exhausted. It's 3:37 am now and I am wilting.

EW, Jerry Lewis FTL. I know he does great things. I know this. But he creeps me right the fuck out.

STEPHANIE BEACHAM - that is the whore that is dissing the Oscars. Saying it's not classy it's not this, it's not that, it's too intimate, it's too funny, blah blah blah, I want her to pack up her dried up old haunted cunt and leave. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE.

Jesus FUCK, I'm tired.

Oh, wow! Elfman did the score for Milk.... I was not aware of that. That makes me more likely to want to see it.

COME ON M.I.A. FTW!!!

Damn. Bummer. :(

Shuttup, Winkleman.

Jesus, this is degenerating. I think it started out well, but this is just crap down here. I'm flagging. I'm so fucking sleepy. Wake me when Mickey wins.

Oh no.
In Memoriam.
I'm gonna cry a lot.
Thanks, Queen.

NOOOOOOO!!!! This Beacham BITCH was going on and on about how her leading men were in the In Memoriam section, people she knew and loved, blah blah blah including "ROY SCHNEIDER"
BITCH DID NOT EVEN KNOW HIS FUCKING NAME.
I want her to die.


Ooh, Reese looks awful purty!

Danny Boyle in SHOCK OSCAR UPSET... wait no.

Sophia Loren is a goddess and the GWTW music is making me teary.

Oh golly. I want Shirley MacLaine to say wonderful things to/about me.

Hooray KATE! But yeah, predictable. Not waking me up. Not that she doesn't deserve it, what a great girl and a cool dad in a cool hat.

Adrien Brody is yum.
But not as yum as Anthony Hopkins.
HAAAA, Bob DeNiro FTW!

FUCKING WIN!!!! I FINISHED MY SCARF!!!!



FUCKING FAIL. NOT FAIR. I'm pissed now and so is Mickey. I did jinx him, didn't I??? Christ. Not that I don't love Penn, I do, but Mickey, jesus... Not even fair.

Oh snap!!! Win speech, Mister Penn!!! "Shame." Yes. Shame, indeed. Thank you for that. And thank you for your graciousness to Mickey. I'd heard they'd had their troubles, that was a nice gesture.


K, unsurprised, anticlimactic, bedtime now.

I has a proud! Let me show you it!

My very first lace-type-thing! And my whole 6" for the travelin' scarf on the day that it arrived!!!! I'm not an overachiever. I'm not sure what happened here. The pattern is Brooke's Column of Leaves, btw. It boggles me that that is one piece of string. I did that with one piece of string. Just doing stuff I already knew how to do in a different order from that in which I usually do them, and that came out. It's kind of spooky.

I don't know.

So, I started this with a whole 'nother thing in mind, but that was epic fail, so I figured - why not just use it as a blog that nobody will really ever read? There's some solace in that, really. I recently gave up pretty much cold turkey on my lj/djs that I'd had some of for nearly 10 years. But maybe I should be sticking my thoughts out there in longer than twitter form sometimes. I don't know. I'm also trying to be more consistent about writing in my real diary. It has a mermaid, too. And a green pen.
Anyway.
Here I be.
I am working on my first (besides my own) LSG traveling scarf section. It arrived from Canada today. I'm doing my first actual, earnest attempt at lace. Overreaching myself. Gettin' uppity with the knittin'.
So yeah, knitting to an E! show about celebrity plastic surgery. They're talking about Axl now. Sigh.
I feel pretty useless lately. But I won't go on about that right now.
I don't understand Flickr very well, I gotta say. I want to put pics in the LSG traveling scarves photo pool stream group wtf? thing.... and I did. My boobs are back on teh intarwebs where they belong, srsly. It's been too long. But I dunno if I have everything set right so's I don't get kicked off flickr and have skeevystrangers seeing my bewbs. Which, ironically, was kind of the point of them being on the internet before. But I was cool back then. Now I'm a lame housewife..... so.... Yeah. I need to get back to mah knittin'. And eventually play some Animal Crossing.