Mermaid Left as Ligan. Please Reclaim.

Finale.

2011-01-02T05:13:00.002Z

Um. Not long after the miscarriage, my husband died.
This blog is done forever.
I'm still at tumblr if you need me.

2010-08-26T15:22:00.002+01:00

If anybody's even still here, I'm not.
Everything's at my tumblr now, if you give a shit.
http://millarca.tumblr.com
I had the IVF. It worked. I was pregnant. Then I wasn't anymore. Last week I miscarried. My life is shit and I wish I were dead.
Them's the breaks.
I don't really see myself ever using this blog again.

Cat-baiting.

2010-06-16T13:49:00.000+01:00

THIS is how to spend an afternoon. Cat-baiting, with interesting skritching noises under the blanket, using the webcam to see her sneaking up, because if you look at her directly, she will ABORT ABORT her pursuit of skritching. <3 <3 <3

Tumblr has stolen my heart, but this belongs here.

2010-06-09T19:11:00.000+01:00

Or, apparently, no.

2010-06-03T18:38:00.000+01:00

That last post? The "inhibition" photo?
Someone reported me for it on Facebook.
Seriously.
Someone who does not have the balls to fess up so I can block their pathetic ass.

Oh well. I mostly just wanted to post this because it made me lol.

The end.

Yes.

2010-06-02T22:23:00.000+01:00

Happy Birthday Marilyn.

2010-06-01T02:41:00.000+01:00

You make me brave. You make me okay. You make me. Gemini twin sister lover best secret mirror self friend warning nestmate candle forever.

It's been awhile. I know it's not Sunday yet. Know how much I care?

2010-05-29T18:25:00.001+01:00

Sunday Stealing: The Just Because Meme

1. Make a list of 5 things you can see without getting up.
Awesome Clone Wars rug
Awesome Batman clock
Sweater in progress
Signed photo of Billy Dee Williams
Batmonkey

2. How do you style your hair? How often do you cut it?
It's just... um... Like this:

I should probably take the shaved half down again sometime soon. I don't cut it on any regular schedule, though. Trying to grow the long half out.

3. What are you wearing now?
Teal sweater, jeans, shitton of jewelry.

4. What's your occupation? Do you like it?
Trophy housewife. Love it.

5. When was the last time that you took a nap? Was there a special reason?
Hm. It's been some time, actually. I can't remember. Usually it's just because I'm lazy.

6. Who was the last person you hugged romantically?
My husband.

8. What was the last full meal that you ate?
I had some Reggae Reggae Curry Noodles a couple hours ago. That's as close to a full meal as I usually get.

9. What was the last email that you received?
Facebook comment notification.

10. What one website do you always visit when you go online?
Ravelry.

11. What was the last significant thing you bought?
How do you define significant? I spent rather a significant amount of birthday money recently, but on fairly trivial things. Mostly makeup. I did a pretty big Sweet Libertine order a couple days ago.

12. What musical artist did you not get at first, but then became a fan?
I wouldn't say I didn't *get* them, but I did try and deny my love for the Backstreet Boys for a very long time. I gave up. THEY ARE DREEEEEAMY.

13. What do you think about before you go to bed last night?
I'm rereading From Hell, so mostly I've been thinking about grapes and prostitutes and Alan Moore's beard.

14. What was the last CD you bought?
Taylor Swift

15. What is your favorite weather, and why? What's the weather like today?
I need sun to live. Today it's grey and rainy and miserable.

16. If you could have a special artistic talent, what would it be?
Oh god, I wish I could do anything, but lately I've been desperate to be able to draw. I just can't.

17. Did you watch the Idol 9 finale? If yes, what are your thoughts?
Fuck that shit. I will never understand America's madness for forgettable, interchangeable, bland, easy-listening, douchebaggy, soft "rock" guys. Crystal should've won.

18. What's something you'd like to say to someone right now?
WTF dude, we went to school together for four years, my bff stalked you in a ridiculous manner, YOU KNEW ME. Why don't you remember me? I am so confused.

19. Any special plans for this (holiday in the States) weekend?
It's a holiday in the UK as well. And not really. We're going to the inlaws' for a joint birthday dinner for me & my BIL on Monday. I will hopefully get some more presents.

20. Besides your current S/O, who was the last person that you loved romantically?
A really very sweet guy who I just didn't quite love as much as I did the guy who would eventually become my husband.

My Lovely Day.

2010-05-23T17:34:00.004+01:00

Yesterday I had a lovely day.
Wednesday is my birthday so I have claimed both weekends either side of it. I AM BIRTHDAY PRINCESS FOR NINE WHOLE DAYS.

Yesterday, all I knew was that my husband had a surprise!outing planned for me to London. We turned up at the first place we were due and I didn't know what it was until I saw a trashcan that said NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM. And I squeeeeeeed. Because I am a dork and I love museums and SCIENCE.

But I did not know why we were "due" there at a certain time. It is just open and free. But lo! There was a BUTTERFLY HOUSE!!!!! We had tickets!!!!!!
This is kind of a big deal. My husband is sosososo scared of butterflies and moths. He knows I love love love them and wanted to do something very special for me for my birthday, so he got us tickets and was SO BRAVE. He only clutched at his hat and whimpered a VERY FEW times!!! He didn't even rush me. He was a stalwart knight, and true. There were VERY HUNGRY CATERPILLARS and a huge luna moth and big lazy white flutterbies that looked like flowers drifting in the air and ones that were just brownyboring on the outside but when they opened their wings, they were OMG BLUE!!!!! And iridescent green ones and tiny orangey ones and yellow ones that were shaped so pretty and SO many other ones!!! They were so fluttersome and beautiful and it was just magical.

And also we spent a lot of time in the main museum. There were dinosaurs RAAAAWWWWRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! And Owen bought me 2 beautiful chunks of rose quartz, one tumbled and one un. They are treasures. And I was very brave and went in the arachnids section of the creepy-crawlies exhibit, but I don't want to talk about that. *shudder*

Then we had many hours until the next surprise thing, so we wandered over to the V&A museum and looked at some more beautiful, beautiful things. I am such an art history dork. The intense happiness I feel in museums makes me feel like my degree was worth something. We discovered a beautiful little courtyard garden with a fountain that had beautiful little nymph-children splashing around in it and we bought ice cream and sat in the sun with our feet in the fountain.

I got about a zillion more freckles and worked on my stripey legwarmers that are my birthday present to myself. Oh, it was heavenly! OH! And also I got a new bracelet made of wood. I love bracelets and I love things made of wood and I love bracelets made of wood.

Then we wandered around some more and found the place where the next surprise was going to be. All I had heard was that there would probably be pink involved, and that I would enjoy it more than Owen but that he would still have a fabulous time. I had NO clue.

But then I looked up......

And I apparently squeaked. Though I do not recall doing so. I do, however, believe it. Because I was VERY EXCITED OMG. I bounced around for another hour or so, popping in and out of little shops around the theater and I got some OMFG WAFFLE FLAVORED LIPGLOSS and we went to the Disney Store and passed a little shop that was closed but had a cardboard standup of Matt Smith in the doorway and there was a lipstick kiss on the glass which made me VERY HAPPY, and then it was SHOWTIME!!!!!!

Waiting in line to be admitted, however, I spotted something that meant that my husband (who does genuinely love a good musical and would have had a great time anyway) would quite possibly explode from excitement and enjoy it about a MILLIONDYTHREEVELEVEN times more than he imagined.

Starring as the baddy law professor was....

....wait for it....

No?

Roll back about 30 years and add some celery...

BOOYAH. PETER MOTHERFUCKIN' DAVISON, BITCHES.
The Doctor.
Not just The Doctor, but Owen's Doctor. HIS Doctor. That was the most special surprise of all, because even he wasn't expecting it. His parents bought the tickets for me way back in January.

We saw the ACTUAL Doctor with our ACTUAL eyes. He sang. He danced. He was amazing. Oh, Doktah!!!!

The entire show was FABULOUS. It was funny and sweet and just right. The songs were WONDERFUL and catchy, and the Gay Or European song is the best thing to happen to musical theatre since Wicked. Seriously. HILARE.

Plus OMG OMG YOU GUYS! TINY DOGGY IN A BAG!

It was just the most wonderful day EVER!

Happy Anniversary, Half-Nekkid Thursday.

2010-05-20T23:49:00.000+01:00

Rose quartz is my favorite thing because it is exactly the same color as me.

Did I mention that I heart tumblr?

2010-05-17T04:49:00.000+01:00

Here are some of my favorite themed tumblrs that you should probably follow if you are any kind of awesome:

Distracted By Star Wars
Fuck Yeah Freckles
Fuck Yeah Delirium
Disturbing Images
Fuck Yeah Girly Art
David Tennant's Tongue
Fuck Yeah Gotham Girls
Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Beiber
Girls With Tails
Fuck Yeah Christina Hendricks
Fuck Yeah Lips
Ginger Fix

Tumblr makes me happy in a somewhere-between-twitter-and-proper-blogging sort of way.

Personally, I'm still a big old mess. Things are so wildly out of my control at the moment. It's almost my birthday. I'm going to be 29. I haven't any recent knitting projects finished in a show-off-able state. I keep starting new things without finishing any old things. I have so many forms to fill out. My nail polish is peeling off. They keep remaking movies that there's no need to remake. What if the IVF doesn't work? What if it DOES!?!?! Why isn't there any wine in the house? I really love the Eleventh Doctor. Strangers keep adding me on Facebook. This book is really cruelly beautiful and you should probably read it. I haven't finished it yet. I never fall asleep before dawn anymore. I'm pretty bummed about Dio. Buy me a ruby? Birds are very loud. Tell me a story?

OHAI.

2010-05-14T04:01:00.000+01:00

Next few days, I will be a walking, talking, shrieking, weeping, pouting, hurting, raging, bingeing, hissing, passive-aggressive, just-plain-aggressive, offensive-and-badly-drawn-cartoon, circa-2002-animated-gif-you-would-even-be-ashamed-to-put-on-your-myspace-back-in-the-day, stupid-slogan, hormonal stereotype. But, hey. My rack looks fantastic.

I honestly disagree with most of that it's-all-about-hating-men sentiment up there. I hate you fucking whore bitches just as much as I hate those dickwads.

Just wait til they start me on the IVF hormone shots. Then the real fun will start.

Slog.

2010-05-13T03:39:00.000+01:00

I have just gone through & individually tagged each one of the posts in my tumblr.
Ugh.
It could have been worse, I've only had it sine mid-January. It took about 3 hours.
I don't know... I kind of like it better than this blog.
Not that I'm going anywhere...

Mitigating the pain of a nation, one flounce at a time.

2010-05-12T01:59:00.001+01:00

Nobody wants botoxed auton Cameron for a prime minister. And he certainly doesn't want me in his country, filthy, freeloading immigrant that I am. Before we sink into the inevitable mire of Tory despair, let's take a moment to enjoy the simple pleasures in life. Namely, ruffly panties.

One day I may even get around to building that Ikea wardrobe in the cardboard box with a picture of Mistah J taped to it. But I doubt it.

For a few brief moments, after Gordo checked out and before Spameron, as Weezie aptly and eloquently describes him:

'That SMUG, POOR-RAPING, OVER-BOTOXED, FAKE-TANNED, POMPOUS, SELF-RIGHTEOUS, SYPHILLITIC WHORE OF SATAN, WHO ONLY WISHES HE COULD SUCK MARGARET THATCHER'S HEARTLESS MILK-STEALING SPUNKING COCK AND MAKE HER CALL HIM "SONNY".'

checked in, I declared myself interim prime minister. In all caps, so it was most definitely legal. Certainly more legal than y'all's "unwritten constitution." My first act was to declare that I get ponies.
Other sweeping reforms include no VAT on chocolate, all the free IVF cycles I need to get at least one girl and one boy, castles and free yarn for people I deem awesome enough, my friends in the cabinet (or in the wardrobe, as they see fit), cabernet in said cabinet, me getting to stay in the country as long as I damn well please without having to take any bloody tests, and no more botox for Cameron. Creepy little sweaty-chinned bitch has to rule with a moveable face. But mostly the ponies.

Now that my shining rule has come to a close, I think it's time for some more ruffly panties to distract us all from the torturous future we all face.

Weirdly, when I played Cha-Cha in Grease in high school, my mom & I had to make ruffly panties for me. You couldn't find them anywhere. Now, due in part to the upswing in burlesque popularity, probably, they seem to be everywhere. Not complaining. Bring on the frills.

No really. There seems to be a species of daylily named Ruffled Panties. Go figure.

Sorry about the dog. I loled. Here. Have my very, very favorite girl in all of porn at the moment, Faye Reagan, to make up for it:

Oh, SNAP! Those are knitted. *gets ideas*

And remember: Next election, vote ruffles.

Next stop on the Patience's-google-image-search-express: torpedo bras. Seriously. They're coming back in style. I look killer in a sweater already. I think I need some, stat. Will have to plan a photo homage soon.

Gingers Have No Soul.

2010-05-10T00:47:00.000+01:00

Delirium. Formerly Delight.

2010-05-03T02:36:00.000+01:00

Knitting & Crochet Blog Week. Day The Seventh.

2010-05-02T17:23:00.000+01:00

What a Yarn
There’s one love that we all share: yarn. Blog about a particular yarn you have used in the past or own in your stash, or perhaps one that you covet from afar. If it is a yarn you have used you could show the project that you used it for, perhaps writing a mini ‘review’. Perhaps, instead, you pine for the feel of the almost mythical qiviut? You could explore and research the raw material and manufacturing process if you were feeling investigative.

You guys all know what's coming, right?

Red Heart Super Saver, bitches.

Much maligned, but never equaled.
It's bright, it's useful, it lasts and lasts, it's washable, it's colorful, it's pretty, it's cheap, and I fucking love it. Throw all your Malabrigo at me (um, please?), buy me a rainbow of Wollmeise (again... really, please?), but I will NEVER trade any of my RHSS for all the it-yarn in the world.

You will have to pry my Super Saver from my cold, dead hands.

I make beautiful things with it, I make useful things with it, I make fun things with it, I make cute things with it, I make elegant things with it, I make ridiculous things with it, I make cherished gifts with it.
I WILL FUCKING MELT YOUR BABIES WITH IT, DON'T TEST ME.
It is the best there is, and there is no substitute.

Even the world's finest horse race knows it.

Suck on it, yarn snobs.

Here is a small sampling of some of my favorite RHSS projects.

Also today I have new hair.

Delirium would knit with Super Saver. And little froggies.

Knitting & Crochet Blog Week. Day The Sixth.

2010-05-01T17:14:00.000+01:00

Revisit a past F/O
Bring the fortune and life of a past finished project up to the present. Document the current state and use of an object you have knitted or crocheted, whether it is the hat your sister wears to school almost every day, or a pair of socks you wore until they were full of holes. Or maybe that jumper that you just didn’t like that much…

Photo links to Rav project page. Sorry, muggles. (Ugh. I can't believe I said that. I despise the use of that term to mean non-fiber-crafters. Apologies.)

Rainbow Brite's Horse's Afterbirth On My Head.
Started and finished November 22, 2008.
My husband wears this. I'm serious. Never out of the house, sure, but he actually wears it rather a lot, when sitting on the couch. It feels nice, apparently. And the cat really, really likes it. She kneads at it and purrrrrrs up a storm.
HAAA!!! He just saw I was writing this, went "Where is my hat?"... started flailing around the couch cushions looking for it, found it, put it on, got up to walk into the kitchen, and I totally grabbed this photo.

Now he is literally sputtering with frustration at me. He knows I am going to put it on the internet and everyone will laugh at him. He is very red, face-wise. HEEEEEE!!!!!

Knitting & Crochet Blog Week. Day The Fifth.

2010-05-01T00:26:00.000+01:00

HOLY SHIT, I ALMOST FORGOT.
Er.... technically, as it's 12 past midnight, I *did* forget today. :(
Oh well. It's still Day 5 somewhere!

Location, Location, Location
Where do you like to indulge in your craft? Is your favourite arm chair your little knitting cubby area, or do you prefer to ‘knit in public’? Do you liek to crochet in the great outdoors, perhaps, or knit in the bath, or at the pub?

Mostly I knit on the couch. We have a teeeeeeny tiny little house so *all* my knitting stuff lives on and around the couch. It's kind of horrible and disorganized, but hey... it's convenient to where my ass is parked all day.

I almost always have a project with me when I go out somewhere, so I do a fair amount of knitting & crocheting in public. Quite a lot at pubs, actually...

Doctors' waiting rooms, other people's houses, in the car, on planes, in bed, before movies start.... you know. Basically everywhere.

But yeah. Mostly the couch. Which has a name, by the way. She is called Lovely Sophie.

Knitting & Crochet Blog Week. Day The Fourth.

2010-04-29T16:09:00.002+01:00

A New Skill
Is there a skill related to your hobby that you hope to learn one day? maybe you’re a crocheter who’d also like to knit? Maybe you’d like to learn to knit continental, knit backwards, try cables or attempt stranded colourwork.

Damn. Aren't y'all glad those're fading out of vogue on most websites? Ugh. Anyway, my point is, I WANT TO SPIN.

I have a drop spindle. I've used it a couplefew times... One of these times was not too disastrous:

But I have issues (obviously) with evenness. And it's also just really hard to do with my cat around. My house doesn't have doors inside. I can't separate myself from her at all, and she really, REALLY enjoys it when I attempt to spin.

I tried knitting with that lovely rainbowcandyfluff alongside some of the pooptastic yarn from my first spinning attempt recently. I kind of aborted the attempt, and I'm really not sure why. There's just... so much less of it than I'd like, and it's so dense and inelegant. It depressed me, as exciting as it had seemed at the outset.

I want a wheel. I want ROOM for a wheel. I want to get better at this so knitting with my own creations doesn't depress me. It should thrill me.

Knitting & Crochet Blog Week. Day The Third. (aka An Ode To Mimi)

2010-04-28T15:56:00.000+01:00

One Great Knitter
Write about a knitter whose work (whether because of project choice, photography, styling, scale of projects, stash, etc) you enjoy. If they have an enjoyable blog, you might find it a good opportunity to send a smile their way.

Oh, Meems. You sly little fox, you.
You must've known at least a handful of us would answer YOU. Because you are amazing. I mean, come on. I wouldn't even know about Rav if it weren't for you.
I want to BE you when I grow up. I want to be able to design things and choose colors and take photos and make tiny things and make cute things and make intricate things and and and and and .... JUST LIKE YOU.

I mean, seriously. Look at this:

THE AWESOME IS OVERWHELMING.

I totally copy you and will continue to do so.

ZOMG TWINSIES!

I am a completely unabashed Mimi-devotee.
And aside from the major craft-admiration, personally, I feel so lucky that you are my friend and I love you very much and have always got your back and also you understand the deep importance of ape-girl-friendship in life more than anyone else I have ever (not yet but one day I hope) met. Plus also you're real purty. *blush*

Knitting & Crochet Blog Week. Day The Second.

2010-04-27T15:26:00.001+01:00

An Inspirational Pattern
Blog about a pattern or project which you aspire to. Whether it happens to be because the skills needed are ones which you have not yet acquired, or just because it seems like a huge undertaking of time and dedication, most people feel they still have something to aspire to in their craft. If you don’t feel like you have any left of the mountain of learning yet to climb, say so!

Pretty much all of my out-of-reach pattern aspirations are completely down to the yarn for which I simply don't have the money and resources. I want to make so many sweaters, coats, dresses, skirts, etc. But because of my financial situation, I pretty much only make 1-or-2-skein accessories. I want GARMENTS, dammit. The pinnacle of out-of-my-league, the thing that sums up my wistful need for knitting proper clothes, is this:

Can you imagine???
I couldn't even ever afford to do that in Red Heart, let alone the Blue Sky Alpaca Silk it deserves.

I give up.

2010-04-27T03:41:00.000+01:00

obligatory drunk blog post

2010-04-27T00:42:00.001+01:00

totally just typed "glob post." followed by "bolg post."

See this guy?

That guy, Jack? He's my boyfriend. My forever boyfriend cause I am NEVER FUCKING GOING TO GET PREGNANT, THAT'S FUCKING WHY.

Knitting & Crochet Blog Week. Day The First.

2010-04-26T18:39:00.003+01:00

Starting Out
How and when did you begin knitting/crocheting? was it a skill passed down through generations of your family, or something you learned from Knitting For Dummies? What or who made you pick up the needles/hook for the first time? Was it the celebrity knitting ‘trend’ or your great aunt Hilda?

Both knitting & crocheting were definitely passed down to me, even though I mostly taught the basics to myself. My mom & grama helped a lot with various specific techniques later on, but I started both somewhere around my first year of college, 1999-2000, pretty much on my own with learn-to-knit kits. I don't remember a reason, in particular, other than I like having something to do. I am bad at sitting still. It was something my grama enjoyed then and still enjoys, my mom *can* do both, but doesn't. :D They'd just both made such pretty things in the past that were always present in my life both on and around me, and I wanted to get in on that action myself.

The first thing I ever knit was a rectangle. Surprise, surprise. But it was a rectangle that turned into a perfectly functional and stylish hat with some creative seaming. I soon thereafter knit a matching scarf, and I was just off and running from there. I can do all sorts of complicated, scary stuff now that I would never have dreamed of a decade ago.

I'm in a bit of a bad patch right now, depression-wise, and I am having trouble today working up the motivation to work on any of the bazilliondy WIPs I've got going.

I think, however, I will work on my hooded scarf that I'm doing in very bright, cheerful stripes, and is going very fast, so will give me a lovely sense of instant gratification.

Also at the moment I'm working on a Saroyan in 2 shades of pink Mmmmmalabrigo that I am just adoring and also looks like Bagpuss.

+ =

Oh, PS: If you're on Rav & want to get in on the discussery and talkification about this week, here is the thread: http://www.ravelry.com/discuss/the-blog-hub/1091603

Oh, snap!

2010-04-26T14:24:00.000+01:00

Someone in Indianapolis hates the boobs! Unnatural, foul beast!!!!!

Or maybe they were just tired of all those devastating Indiana earthquakes.

Anyway, HAPPY BOOBQUAKE!
As I don't actually have much to offer in the way of cleavage unless I totally arm-jack the girls, as is my wont, I went with thin and skimpy today. Low-cut on me is just pointless, all you get is a vast expanse of freckled, bony sternum. :D Nipply, however, I can do. So I did. Move the earth, girls. I dare you.

David Duchovny was talking about "the magic of toast" just now on Inside The Actor's Studio. I love that man.

Boobquake 2010.

2010-04-26T00:44:00.000+01:00

TITS FOR SCIENCE!!!!!!

"Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes," Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying by Iranian media. Sedighi is Tehran's acting Friday prayer leader.

That said, today, Monday, April 26th (I haven't started early, it's well past midnight!) is Boobquake day.
Whip 'em out, girls.

Baa.

2010-04-25T03:22:00.000+01:00

Half-Nekkid Thursday from a different POV

2010-04-22T06:00:00.004+01:00

I've pretty much always taken all my HNT pics myself. Here is probably the first one not actually taken by me. This is how I spend most nights when I can't sleep; my chin's on Nyago & my hands are on the laptop, which is out of frame but definitely casting its bluey glow even in the yellow filtery thing...

Husband has his new little Hipstamatic camera app thingy on his iPhone & has been playing with it nonstop. He just took this one & I thought, "Christing fuck, my arms look fat," followed by "Oh, hey, it's almost Thursday. I can use that slightly-unflattering-but-decidedly-unclothed photo to a purpose."

So I'mma set this thing to post in a couple-few hours when it's been Thursday for awhile over here & carry on with my chin on the cat pillow and my hands on the laptop for way too many more hours. I'm sick of seeing the sunrise without having slept first. Also those goddamn birds need to STFU.

PS: someone remind me when I wake up to comment over on Osbasso's HNT post this week that I posted. Hopefully I'll be asleep before a) comments are open and b) this is scheduled to post. I mean, probably not, but we can all hope

A few of the things that occupy my Wordless Wednesdays.

2010-04-21T03:14:00.001+01:00

Totally just ganking this...

2010-04-21T02:00:00.000+01:00

...from Jewles.

1) If you had to give yourself a porn name what would it be?

Crap, I thought of an amazing one a couple weeks ago. WTF was it? Oh well, I forget. Either way, my porn name would be Mitten. I have always wanted to be called Mitten.

2) How many hours of sleep is too many?
As a life long severe insomniac, I can say that there is no such thing.

3) Favorite breakfast food?
Bloody mary. Totally counts as food, right?

4) One celebrity you could live the rest of your life never hearing about again?
OOH. That one chick. Fox.... Something... Megan Fox? God, she's desperately sad. And not in a fun, trainwrecky way.

5) Person in the #1 spot on your “allowed to hook up” list?
Tom Baker.

Sunday Stealing. Gonna try out the whole pre-scheduled-posting thing again.

2010-04-18T00:01:00.005+01:00

Sunday Stealing: The Meme Time Meme

01. Real First Name:
Patience
02. Birthday:
May 26
03. Where do you live:
England
04: What are you studying/What are you working as:
Trophy Housewife
05. What makes you happy:
Daleks
06. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
Mark Gatiss talking about the super fucking rad episode of Doctor Who he wrote.
07. What is particularly good/bad about your blog:
Sometimes there are boobs.
08. An interesting fact about you:
I have freckles on my eyelids.
09. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
Both of the above, with/on my husband. (insert chorus of "aaawwwww"s here)
10. Favorite place to be:
Asleep
11. Favorite lyric:
Blow like a bubble on a windy day
Start to flutter when I hear you say
That you feel to good to go away
And you make me feel fine
You've made my world a warmer place
By the sparkle of your diamond face
On a frayed spot, put a little lace
And you make me feel fine
Warm as the mountain sunshine
On the edge of the snowline
In a meadow of columbine
12. Best time of the year:
Summertime
13. Weirdest food you like:
Reese's cups dipped in ranch dressing.

RECOMMEND

01. A film:
Zombie Strippers. Give it a fucking chance, people. Jenna AND Robert Englund together at last.
02. A book:
Fanny..... By Erica Jong
03. A song:
Steve Earle by Sugarland
04: A band:
Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

PLUS

01. One thing you like about a blogger that you have not met:
Scarlett Sometimes says the things I wish I could say but in pictures.
02. Two things you like about yourself:
My freckles and my mad knitting skillz.
03. Name three things that you need in a lover:
Love, silliness, and protection.

Oh, also...

2010-04-15T19:50:00.001+01:00

Just out of curiosity...
How come you people keep downloading photos of my grama?
Kthxbai.
(freaks)

Does anyone else keep reading that as "anal face?"

2010-04-15T19:32:00.001+01:00

http://www.anaface.com/

I have been soundly insulted by a computer.

But then I did this and felt much better:

So I am going with the silver lining and taking this to mean that I look like Marilyn, only prettier.

And as she is my standard of ideal beauty, I can live with that.

crawls into a pit of gawth despair with a Djarum Black BUT NOT BEFORE SOME NEKKID MENS.

2010-04-15T16:56:00.000+01:00

RIP Peter Steele.

Let's appreciate the man's.... er... special gifts.

And if this, by some fabulous gawther-than-thou blessing, turns out to be fake, then you still got nekkid Pete, so everybody wins.

Wordless Wednesday.

2010-04-14T17:01:00.002+01:00

Home again, home again...

2010-04-12T16:25:00.001+01:00

Massive post-vacation photo blog time.

These are just gonna be in alphabetical order from my Idaho folder, no real rhyme or reason to any sort of chronology or theme. Mostly they will probably be of little to no interest to any of you but they all make me happy or I wouldn't have saved them...

Strangely enough, that's one of the first ones from getting to my parents' house. Owen is very tired and brushing his teeth.

At the tiny arcade in my parents' tiny town, Owen & Dakota rockin' out the driving games.

Pretending to be Peggy Mitchell.

Backlit saying goodbye to my mom at the airport Saturday morning after no sleep. :(

Crocheted dainties I whipped out of some Super Saver to hang over dad's bar in the basement.

Another view of the Babs Windsor pose, you can see Owen's hands taking the other photo over at the left. Also part of my mom and my brother Curt showing off on the bass with the scarf I made him on the plane around his head. I fucking love my dad's bar.

Belaying my bro's amazingly rad bf Justin (that I want him to marry and have like, ten thousand gaybies with) at the FUCKING AWESOME indoor rock climbing gym in Jackson Hole, with awesome climber Curt looking on.

Crocheted bikini top for the hanging-over-the-bar set.

The Easter Bunny found me in Idaho!!!!! My mom got a pink bb gun. My grama got some flowers, and me & Owen are blowing bubbles from Peeps-shaped-bubble-things.

ZOMG BULLET!!!! Curt's fantastic, sweet little rat. She took *such* a shine to Owen. I think it was all the treats he gave her. :D

Butterfly g-string for over the bar.

Saying bye to my brother. He is wearing my shirt.

Saying bye to grama. And the jackalope.

First stop after we got off the plane in SLC was Chipotle. FTMFW.

Owen's new hat. It is his fancy hat.

Climbing the walls.

At the Cowboy Expo before the rodeo.

The final arrangement of crocheted unmentionables over the bar, til the snow melts and dad can dig out a coil of barbed wire from the back yard, then he's gonna hang that up and drape them off of that.

Yeah, we're both crying. That was the last photo of the bunch, chronologically. Just about to get in the security line at the airport. :(

My beautiful Cubmaster mom with her BLINGED THE FUCK OUT Pinewood Derby princess car which I pimped & which won among the grownup cars.

Bar bra for dad.

Ok, so in some places they had these stupid fucking little flags at the crosswalks that you carried across so traffic would stop for you. I was deeply embarrassed by the whole thing but Owen was pleased as punch to lead the dork parade.

Another view of the dork parade. Body language experts, am I trying to distance myself from my husband? :P

We'd just arrived at the house & presented grama with her tiny crocheted douchebag Andre Rieu. :D She loves him.

Dyeing Easter Eggs with Curt & his bf.

Dyeing eggs is SRSBZNS. I have Ernie on my pants.

Getting ready to hide eggs full of goodies on the playground for mom's class. She is trying to be all teachery & shit back there, and me & Owen are distracting the children from sitting down and being quiet. Lulz.

More egg dyeing. It was awesome.

At school.

Not the world's best crocheted fishnet stocking.

Owen trouncing Curt at foosball.

Me & my daddy just before we flew out. :(

Fuck yeah Apples to Apples.

OMFG LLAMAS.

Bighorn sheep fucking around in the middle of the road. They had massive balls.

Pimping mom's Pinewood Derby car.

My brilliantly gorgeous new Ariat Fatbaby boots in a just-polished lineup with a couple pairs of my dad's.

Crocheting something.

More Bullet. <3 <3 <3

GIGANTIC MOTHERFUCKING BIGGER-THAN-THE-PLATE CHICKEN FRIED STEAK.

SQUEEEEEE TACO BELL!!!!

Greeting my baby brother on his 20th birthday.

ROFL he is being all OOOH LOOKIT ME, I AM AT WORK BEING ALL SALESMAN.

Hanging out in Curt's room. He has the best tv in the house.

Post eye exam dilated pupils stupid sunglass insert thingies.

Drinking and playing games with grama disapproving.

Helping out at school.

Mom & dad in the backyard.

Fuck yeah ginger farm cat.

Grading mom's first graders' papers is the most wonderful fun. They had to write some sentences to show they could captialize and punctuate & one little girl's sentence was "I have a big teacher." We all loled at my mom.

Pizza & pool as the healthcare bill passes.

Hellcat, my parents' cat. She's a Katrina rescue and is awesome.

She went out in the snow, found herself a lovely little wooden island, and then got stuck there. We loled.

Don't worry, I found the knitting books.

Don't worry, I found the lip gloss.

More bighorn sheep, but young ones whose horns are not so big yet.

Stuffing eggs with tiny toys for the 1st graders.

FUCK YEAH I AM FEEDING LLAMAS.

Yeah, shut up, I bought a LOT of lip gloss on the trip. Best flavor scores: wasabi, absinthe, and blueberry Pop Tart.

Touring the Mormon temple in SLC for shits & giggles.

Fuck yeah naptime.

Me & Curt both got new glasses. They're basically the same but mine are tortiseshell & his are wire frames. I was just gonna get new lenses but the eye doctor broke my old frames while putting them in. o.O

What the Easter Bunny left my mom. She is so stoked. She'll shoot her eye out.

Me, Curt, & Justin having Pizza Hut in the square in Jackson Hole after the rock climbing.

A wonderful Batman drawing Owen left on a Post It at the Verizon store where Curt works.

Blinged out princess car.

Lulz. So many egg dyeing photos.

At the rodeo. So much awesome.

Knitting at the rodeo. Seriously, does life get any better?

Pinging cans with the bb gun. Or, in my case, not. I am a bloody terrible shot.

First graders Easter egg hunting is more intense than a shark feeding frenzy. The boy who found the silver prize egg got extra lucky as it was also his birthday.

Fuck yeah Indian casino! Owen tripled his bet! Which means he won about three bucks. :D

HOORAY THE EASTER BUNNY CAME!!!! And brought honey sticks.

Fuck yeah webcam shot of the living room/kitchen.

First sit on the couch when we got there. We spent so much of the next 3 weeks right the fuck there. It was glorious.

ZOMFG THERE WAS A STORE WITH MACHINES WHERE YOU PUT IN A QUARTER AND GOT OUT A MUSTACHE!!!!!!!1eleven!!!!! Also I got a pink one. Grama hated them. She said it was ugly.

Fuck yeah more Bullet.

I can't be the only chick in the world that stretches piercings with her knitting needles. Seriously.

It is a good idea, shut up.

Fuck yeah sunset.

I couldn't get a decent photo that showed how I dyed that egg with liberal sprinklings of Sweet Libertine glitter eyeshadow. (in Jem, btw, in case anyone wants to... you know... get me some more to replace what went onto the egg?)

I have no idea why Owen even took this photo. We are in the grocery store parking lot. Maybe it was to show off my fucking awesome coonskin cap.

Cool reflection of the SLC temple.

We spent nearly as much time at Tony's as we did on the couch.

See?

Yep. Lots of Tony's.

That was a fucking beautiful, fast waterslide.

10 shops. Each and every one closed for the season. West Yellowstone was pretty much a bust.

The Dude abides. And apparently skateboards.

Attempting to stop the kids from grabbing eggs before the whistle was blown.

Smarmy-ass governor of Idaho epically failing to rope a calf. Ha.

Accidental trick photography making it look like grama is downing a pint of Bitch for Easter breakfast. Lulz.

Owen is a much better shot than me.

Hiding eggs, playground-wise.

At some point the egg-hiding degenerated into an orgy of throwing candy at my dad. I don't even know.

Leaving the hotel Saturday morning. We hadn't slept more than a couple hours, I was an emotional wreck.

Lava Hot Springs. Heavenly.

Hotel hot tub the morning after we arrived. Mmmmm....

Still more hot tubbing. Ok, maybe we spent about as much time in hot water of one sort of another as we did at Tony's or on the couch.

YEAH I FED LLAMAS, YOU ARE JEALOUS. They belong to my parents' friends. They are rescue llamas. They found one of them on the side of the road.

Lunch at the Indian casino. Mmmm, fry bread.

Dad playing bartender, us playing drunk Cranium.

Oh yeah, right before the Easter egg hunt there was a poorly timed fire drill. We gave the children our jackets. You can fit two first grade girls and a small part of a first grade boy in my jacket. This is useful information.

Dad scored some sweet jail stools & table from a real live prison & installed them on the back deck next to the outside bar.

Lacy Super Saver garter for over the bar.

I fuckin' loved those llamas.

Beautiful downtown Driggs, Idaho.

Those Mormons had a massive organ. *titter*

Mmmmmmalabrigo scarf that was my plane knitting on the way over.

Norris Hot Springs, pretty much completely heaven. We ate pizza and nachos while soaking.

NANANANANANANANA BAT EGGGGGGG!!!!!

EGGIES.

More eggs!!! The Batman is Owen's & the Superman is Justin's. :D

At the rodeo!!!!

On a farm.

My poor trusty trikey that I used to ride to work when I lived there, totally buried in the snow. :(

On the way out to drive to the airport. :(((

Packing sucks.

Photobombing my husband. :D

PIGGIES!!!!

Pinball & safari games.

Owen got a sweet briar pipe.

Men. Being manly.

Princess car again!

Parents' giant windows are full of prisms. Owen got some rainbow in his eye.

Me & my brother took pictures of my mom when she was asleep in the recliner and I drew a mustache on it and then we played a game of See How Much Stuff We Can Pile Onto Mom Before She Wakes Up. It was rad.

Dunno what was going on here... possibly just showing off our new glasses again.

Ropin'.

No clue. Obviously just when we first got to the house, Curt's futzing around with his birthday scarf I finished in the car from SLC to home.

YEAH I GOT A FUCKING COONSKIN CAP, BITCHES. Also I think I left it there. Shit.

First photo of our arrival, yeah I'm totes about to shove that old man out of my way.

Heh. My family are such awesome dorks. Those were set up sequentially in the snow along the road to their house. :D

Curt looking like a spider monkey.

Shut up, egg dyeing is srsbzns.

Ruffly thong for hanging above the bar.

Where not-at-all-crazy-cult-leader Brigham Young declared was "The Place" to build his little Mormon utopia back in the day. I got some lip gloss and one of those awesome squished pennies.

Getting told off for that photobomb earlier.

Curt's Spidey Senses are tingling.

A productive day juggling golf balls at the Verizon store.

FUCK YEAH FIRST OF MANY TRIPS TO WALMART!!!!!!!!!!

Water Of The Gods indeed. I would like to just like... live at Norris Hot Springs forever. Also besides Norris & Lava we went to Green Canyon hot springs, I don't know why there aren't photos from there.

OMG when we got up & left the hotel in SLC the morning after we got there, we were immediately confronted with this totally WTF wall o' British! I wasn't sure we'd actually even left the country.

Hellcat disapproves of my egg dyeing shenanigans.

Scoring some sweet mystery yarn from old boxes in the workshop.

I think that's it. Phew.

OH NO SHIT, WAIT. There's a ton of webcam narcissism in another folder, brb.

Lulz. The LYS in my parents' town got so much of ~~my money~~ other people's money. :DDD I got a Crazy Zauberball. It is almost half of a Baktus.

Noro Stripe Scarf I finished on the drive to the rodeo.

Don't worry. I'm not turning yarn snob. There was also a store chock full o' Super Saver!!!

Crazy foreign blanket cave.

GET DOWN FROM THERE, BEAR, YOU DON'T EVEN FIT.

I don't even know.

Pretty sure this was a reaction shot to something ridonk my grama said at one point.

When I am wearing my fine mustache, my name is Professor Mountbatten.

Rockin' the new frames.

That is Norris. He is a bracelet. The Easter Bunny brought me him.

Ok, so one whole day I was so irritated by my grama that I went and hid in the basement on the top of the bunkbed with some selfish knitting and my ipod and the laptop. I got that sweet chavtacular hoodie from my brother - a friend of his left it at their house and then went to jail so I got some free stuff.

Chavtastic hoodie: a portable blanket cave that says WHITE TRASH no matter where in the world you wear it.

We call top bunk.

Anything can be made better with enough tranquilizers.

Fake Easter tattoo ftw.

A sweet Barbie hat and a sunburn on my nose.

Just showing off all the sweet new freckles I got.

There I just thought I looked actually kinda pretty for once.

OMFG my parents had this rad thing where I could be on the internet in the car.

Ok, now that's REALLY it.

No, wait.
While I was compiling this & realized that I'd left my coonskin cap there, I emailed my dad to see if he could find it & he sent me this:

Sweet.

I dunno.

2010-04-06T09:19:00.001+01:00

I felt a theme happening tonight, so I went with it.

There are many pages, a veritable glut of southern belles, hot redneck chicks, cowgirls, trailer trash, and the like on my tumblr.

I want to be that chick when I grow up.

Dear Little Blog...

2010-04-05T18:33:00.000+01:00

I know I've been terribly neglectful lately. I'm sorry about the troll issues. I've done everything I can... I'm sorry you have to be plagued with such. I miss you, little blog, I really do. It's not like I've thrown you over for tumblr or anything, that's pretty neglected lately as well. My first instinct when someone is an asshole is to run and hide forever, but that may not be YOUR instinct, little blog. Maybe you still want to be active and just brush off the trolls. Would you like that? Because I really do miss you and I really do miss some of the people you used to have round for tea and comments. Sorry I have to moderate them now, but it's for your own good, little blog, and for my own sanity. You're a very special, very good little blog, and I am quite fond of you. It's just that sometimes you attract the wrong sort of person. I wish you didn't, and I wish there was more I could do about it from this end, but you're a good kid really, and you mean well. You just want to be fun and free and happy. Maybe, little blog, maybe you could have a talk with Blogger about some good quality IP blocking. Because I hate having thrown over people and things that you & I both genuinely enjoy for a couple bad apples, as 'twere.
Anyway.
Maybe I'll catch you up later with a fun recap of my vacation, when it's over. You'd like that, wouldn't you, little blog? I bet you miss pretty pictures and things. Well, I'll see what I can do when I'm back home. If I can handle it, I'm sure you can. You're tougher than me, little blog. You're bolder and more fun and more outgoing than I am. You can take it. You rock, little blog.

Love,

Patience Ann.

Celebrate The Risen Peep.

2010-04-04T06:23:00.000+01:00

-

2010-03-17T23:41:00.001Z

It's not me. It's you.

Palette Cleanser

2010-03-15T00:15:00.000Z

That meme was just truly awful. And I read one other person's answers & nearly had a rage embolism at the idiocity of it all. I feel like we need something really special here, to get everything back on track. So let's just look at this for awhile, ok?

Now. Don't we all feel better?

Sunday Stealing: Can I do this in ten minutes or less?

2010-03-15T00:06:00.003Z

Probably not. But, you know. It'll still be Sunday lots of places when I do post it.

Sunday Stealing: Judd's Merged Meme

1. What were doing 10 years ago?
Bloody fucking hell, I was in college. *moan*

2. Five snacks that you enjoy in a perfect, non weight-gaining world
Banana popsicles, wasabi Pringles, cashews, Brazil nuts.... um.... do bloody marys count as snacks?

3. Five things you would do if you were a billionaire:
Tell the student loan people to suck my balls, buy a house in England, buy a house in America, buy a pony, go to Toys R Us.

4. Three of your habits:
Losing stuff, dropping stuff, running into stuff.

5. Five jobs that you've have had:
Housewares @ department store (Shop smart. Shop S-Mart.), daycare teacher, deli counter sammich-person, teaching assistant at adolescent rehab, school librarian.

6. Five places that you've lived:
Georgia, Illinois, Ohio, Idaho, England

7. Five things that you did yesterday:
Had some ice cream wth pop rocks in, finished my ZOMG FUCKING BEAUTIFUL Regia scarf, watched a terrible movie, watched a good movie, had a fucking huge panic attack.

8. Five people you would want to get to know more about:
Your mom, your grandma, your sister, your auntie, & your mom again, from behind this time.

9. Abortion: for or against it?
Being pro-choice isn't being FOR abortion, you fucking moron. OH, YAY, LET'S EVERYBODY ALL GO OUT AND GET ABORTIONS WILLY-NILLY!

10. Do you think the world would fail with a female president?
Since when does the world have ANY kind of president? Are you implying the US *is* the world? God, I hate you.

11. Do you believe in the death penalty?
I believe Batman would be much more awesome if he killed people.

12. Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
Some places it is. You're incredibly US-centric. It's bugging me.

13. Are you for or against premarital sex?
Again with the FOR OR AGAINST. Not thinking it's a sin doesn't mean OMG EVERYBODY GO OUT AND FUCK WITHOUT A WEDDING RING RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

14. Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?
Again, some places it is. I tire of you.

15. Do you think it's wrong that so many Hispanics are illegally moving to the USA?
No.

16. Should the alcohol age be lowered to eighteen?
The "alcohol age" (wtf, I like a nicely aged whiskey, but really... I doubt, at this point, that's what you mean.) IS 18 where I live, you fucking twit. The world does not end at the US border.

17. Should the war in Iraq be called off?
LOL. "Called off." Like a fucking broken engagement. This is the most pathetically superficial, uninformed meme ever.

18. Assisted suicide is illegal: do you agree?
I agree that it is illegal in some places. It isn't in others. So your statement is false in those places. So I disagree.... with a false statement that isn't even an opinion. Fucking hell, I'm talking in circles. DIAF already.

19. Do you believe in spanking your children?
A swat on the butt never hurt me.

20. Do you worry that others will judge you from reading some of your answers?
Do you worry that people will judge you from reading your inane questions? Because.... frankly, sweetie, they already have. And you have been found wanting.

Anyway, no, It took 16 minutes. And this one isn't even worth dignifying with pretty pictures or colors. Fucking ludicrous.

Oscars. 2010.

2010-03-08T05:02:00.001Z

So, ok. I'm in my Snuggie, we've got E! on. We're doing it right this year instead of watching the Sky red carpet coverage where nobody wants to talk to the lame British presenters... 4 more minutes of Keeping Up With The Kardashians... that's unfortunate.

I'mma knit on my awesome scarf I'm doing out of my awesome Regia yarn...

(those colors just don't come out right in a photo. It's so beautiful, that doesn't even come close)

...and maybe some on my feather & fan scarf with my Lady Of Shalott yarn if I get bored.

What? I like rainbow triangular scarves.

EEEE RYAN SEAQUEST DSV IS ON!!!!! IT'S STARTING!!!!!

Yeah, so... it's 11pm. Bedtime. The cat's mad because we're not going to bed. She doesn't like her routine upset.

Crap, the first person Seaquest is talking to is from stinky Avatar.

Ok, no... I haven't seen it. I don't *want* to see it. I've seen Fern Gully, it was the same but much better, and it had Tim Curry. Also Dances With Wolves. Also Pocahontas.

Mister Jay Manuel is wearing a tablecloth for a jacket, what's up with that?

Who's Anna Kendrick? Her dress is real pretty.
OOOH Mariska Hargitay!!!!! Jayne would be proud of her little girl.

Oooh Mo'nique (did I get that random, unnecessary punctuation in the right place?) looks GORGEOUS and a half. That flower in her hair... Wow, so hot.

ONOES IT'S RAINING!!!
Oh how sad!!!
That doesn't happen!!!!

Oh, ok, now it's not raining. That lasted maybe a full 30 seconds. Silly California.

LOL, my husband's already moaning about fucking stupid Claudia fucking Winkleman & we won't even see her for hours. :DD "That's her job, to piss us off during the Oscars."
He is apt.

OH EW! Mariah Carey. She's... well... I love trash. I *am* trash. But she's not my sort of trash.

Seaquest, stop plugging Idol.
WHY IS MY CAT LICKING MY SNUGGIE????
ROFL!!!! Mickey Rooney WTF??!?!
Husband: "Is he not dead yet???"

Ugh, more Avatar lameness. The chick from it, her dress is just too much. I'm not a fan. Pick gradient, ruffles, OR sequins. Seriously. Choose one. Don't do all of them.

Joel Madden is a douche. Nicole Richie looks too severe. They fail.
Vera Farmiga. Whoozat? Her dress is also too much. What the shit, ruffles? Stop with the ruffles.

Oooh, he said Ryan Reynolds was coming up next, but I bet he will have his ARMS in a jacket. Ryan Reynolds's ARMS should win an Oscar of their own.

GODDAMMIT, CAT, STOP BEING NAUGHTY, WE ARE NOT GOING TO BED JUST TO SATISFY YOU, THE TV IS DOWN HERE.

Aw, man, yeah, his arms are in a jacket. *pout*
Lulz, Seaquest is a nerd. The awe in his voice when he asked Reynolds "what was it like when you put the costume on for the first time??" about Green Lantern. Lulz. Geek.
Jason Reitman is cute. OOH he has a twitter?? *runs off*
*follows*
*runs back*

OOH Sarsgaaaaaard & Gyllenhall, are they together?!?!?! WANT TO BE IN SAMMICH.
Shut up James Cameron. You're stupid.

I'm sorry James Cameron.
I love you.
Please forgive me.
I love everything else you've like, EVER done.

I just can't get into Avatar.
Sorry.

Ooooh, Maggie Gyllenhall's dress is FANTASTIC. It reminds me of a handpainted ballet costume I had once, the year I danced to Imagine & made everyone cry.

OOOH I SAW CHRISTOPH WALTZ!!!! BASTERDS FTW!!!

Ok, I have to pee. I'm drinking SO MUCH WATER lately because of the impending IVF, and I have the world's tiniest bladder already, so I'm pretty much peeing all the time.

I wish my Snuggie wasn't so long, I'd just wear it to the bathroom. I'm that classy. But I can't walk in it.

OMG *GLOMPS SIGOURNEY WEAVER*

I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHE'S SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL I LOVE YOU RIPLEEEEYYYY!!!!
She's gonna POLE DANCE in something??!?!?! I have had dreams about that.
Ok, I'mma go make coffee now.

Tina Fey, you are so lovely. She looks so elegant. And I still see Christoph Waltz back there.
Ooooh Carey Mulligan HOT HOT HOT. Doctor Who to the Oscars. Gotta love it.
OMGOMGOMG Sandra Bullock looks GORGEOUS. So far she wins dresses for me.
Oooh, more Basterds. Diane Kruger. Not pretty. A handsome woman. Gorgeous dress, she can rock that weird shape, whereas it would make me look like a balloon. I quite like her.
Oh Sandy looks so scared. But so beautiful. And her hair is perfect. Just long and down and sleek. Yes. She wins the entire look for me so hard. So far.

Heh. I want to see Precious, badly. Husband wants to see stupid Avatar. I have no desire to see that, he has no desire to see Precious. Sounds like a date.

Is Faith Hill wearing black lace tights???? STRUMPET!!! There is no excuse for that ever. Or is it an insert behind the slit on her dress? I can't tell. Ugh. I don't like her. Tim McGraw: King of jalepeno Fritos.

Ah, little Mama Mia blonde girl looks ok. A bit severe with the pulled back hair, what's up with so much of that tonight? AHMAHGAH SHE IS DOING A "SEXY GOTHIC DARK" RED RIDING HOOD?!?!!?!?
*squeeeee*
Husband just looked at me. He knows me.
What? Fairy tales are important to me.
Fairy tales are important, period.
They're more true than you realize.

EEE Jake Gyllenhall!!!! Hooray!!!!! His head is MASSIVE. Seriously, how does he hold it up?!?!?! I can't believe he & Reese broke up. That nearly made me as sad as Susan Sarandon & Tim Robbins splitting.

AHMAHGAH ANTONIO BANDERAS'S BEARD IS SO HOT. Beards ftmfw.
BEARDS BEARDS BEARDS BEARDS BEARDS.
Beards win.

Someone has a really pretty dropped waistline behind Jake.
Heh heh heh. Behind Jake. Where Heath belongs. ROWR.
Which reminds me, the fucking In Memoriam is gonna be rough this year. It was not a good year.

I'mma cry. A lot.

I have to pee again.

OMG MILEY CYRUS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUT WHY ARE YOU WEARING YOUR UNDERWEAR?!?!?!? Aw! Husband just referred to her mom as "Mummy Ray Cyrus." Bless. I <3 Mommy Cyrus's angel wings tat. So pretty.

HAHAHAAA!!!!! He just started giggling like a maniac when they said "let's look at Sarah Jessica Parker" and said "That's a sentence I never want to hear."

God, she looks like a foot in a sack.

Poor Broderick. He looks chagrined.
And bloated.

Oooh, not so much with the loving Charlize Theron's dress. No no no. I mean, if you haven't got a rack, you want to draw attention to what you have, but that's just not pretty.

Fuck's sake, I have to pee again.

It's impossible to see Matt Damon or even hear his name without saying it like the puppet of him in Team America. *sigh*

OMNOMNOMCOLINFIRTH.

That color looks so beautiful on Queen Latifah. She is so magnificent. GOD, that color on her, seriously. It's amazing. She's glowing. Delicious. Absolutely bloody delicious.
Aaaaand Meryl Streep also looks radiant. So classy. Not like I'm classy, in my leopard Snuggie. Really classy. Proper classy.

J-LO!!!!!!!
Iridescent pink GIGANTIC DRESS FTW!!!! Love it. Love her. She looks like Latina Princess Barbie. She's so fab. She's classy like I'm classy. I bet her Snuggie is leopard print.

NO KEANU NO DON'T GROW A GROSS PATCHY BEARD. UR DOIN IT RONG. Do it like Banderas or don't do it at all.

Remember that episode of Beavis & Butthead where they glued hair to their face to make beards? Yeah. Keanu is Butthead.

Other chick from Precious is AWESOME. I LOVE HER. "If fashion was porn, this dress would be the money shot." I LOVE HER. I just can't pronounce or spell her name, so I'm just gonna call her Other Chick From Precious.

I would hang out with her. She's my kind of people. I'd be squeeing all over the red carpet just like she's doing. She is awesome and I love her.

I did notice all the nude and blush shades at the start of awards season, and I approve. I'd look good in a peachy one, I think. Like Joanie from Mad Men had at the Globes.

I mean, not THAT good. I could never look THAT good. NOBODY could EVER look THAT good. She is special. Like, once in a lifetime beautifullest woman alive special. But I could pull off that COLOR. That's all. We have similar coloring. Oh god she's amazing. Seriously. She probably is the most beautiful woman alive right now. She's Marilyn beautiful. Like, beautiful for all time beautiful. Christina Hendricks is *SPECIAL.*

SQUEEEEEE ROBERT DOWNEY JR!!!!!! I LOVE YOU FOREVER TONY STARK. YOU HAD YELLOW SCRUNCHY SOCKS ON WITH YOUR SHORTS IN WEIRD SCIENCE AND YOU ARE MY BOOOOOOOYFRIEEEEEND!!!!!!!!!

Gerard Butler is lumpy. I adore him, like, as a dude, and an actor, but I don't drool like most women seem to. He seems really sweet and yeah, he's all ripped & stuff, but he just doesn't do it for me.

I have to pee again.

NO MUSTN'T PEE, IT'S JEFF BRIDGES.

The Dude abides.

Will pee when he's done being awesome on my tv.

Ok. Peed. I'm *SO* not drinking any more water tonight. Fuck them shitz, I'm not gonna be up and down every 5 seconds during the ceremony. Nuh-uh.

I feel like I need some perfume. What goes well with a leopard Snuggie and the Oscars? Nothing new & exciting, I'm not blogging BPAL tonight. I'mma go with Pannychis. "Nighttime festivities" seems right, and I've been in a real jasminey place lately. :)

Cameron Diaz looks like a praying mantis. IS TIME FOR AWARDS NAO PLZ?

IT'S TIBERIUS!!!!!!!
WOOOOO CAPTAIN KIRK!!!!!!!
Not Shatner, unfortunately. The other one.

WE CAN HAS OSCARS?!?!?

I'm a little wary of having 2 hosts.
ONOES FUCKING WINKLEMAN NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOO. I hate her hate her hate her. This is who I hate:

She has ruined every American awards show since I've lived in England. She just runs off at the mouth about crap about which she knows nothing. I hate her, I hate her eyeliner, I hate her bangs, I want her to just stop.

What other insulting, idiotic talking heads does she have with her tonight? Ooh, David Baddiel, that's good. I like that. Even if he looks *disturbingly* like my ex. Like... uncannily. Frighteningly like my ex. It freaks me out. Ronnie Ancona..... I know I've heard of her... seen her on panel shows... I dunno. I don't remember if I like her or not. And.... some douchey looking kid in a tie that's about four inches too wide and PeeWee Herman white shoes.

I hope Baldwin's like, WAY drunk. That would be best.

THIS IS WHY WINKLEMAN IS A TWUNT:
She just said Hugh Jackman looks identical to Richard Madeley.

Yeah, no.

And maybe that did take a little longer than I'd expected. I got distracted image searching Jackman. Sorry.
OMNOMNOM SNIKT.

Might as well pee while this wide tie twunt is talking to stupid eyeliner fringey twunt.

SO TIRED OF PEEING.

Please can we just not have Winkleman?
OOH WE HAVE CANDY!!!!

Heh. Montage of British people winning Oscars. Bless.

WHEN DOES THE FUCKING SHOW START?!?!?!
Fuck this noise. I'mma go play some Fallen London.
There was a lizard in my room and the lady next door with a fossil collection and holes in her red stockings became obsessed with me, and now I seem to be stuck in a room with a fountain and some guests.
My husband thought the Pannychis smelled like nail polish. Fail.

WHY CAN'T WE SEE WHAT'S GOING ON??? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE FUCKING WINKLEMAN.

Ohthankgod. Is can be Oscars tiem nao.

Oooh, Robin Williams looks hot. So, wait, what? All these people onstage for why? That seemed pointless.

AHHHMAAAHHHH GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH NEIL PATRICK HARRIS OMGOMGOMG *HYPERVENTILATE*

So much love. Why aren't there Music Meister action figures? NPH IS SO SPARKLY OMG I LOVE HIM.

So many sexy beards this year, seriously.

Mmmm Woody in his hemp tux. SOFINE. He's like, my total kindred spirit.

Christopher Plummer. SO fuckin' classy, in the most mega egotistical best sort of self-aware way. LOVE HIM.

YAY THE JERK REFERENCE EARLY! YAY STEVE MARTIN.

ROFLROFLROFL. Oh, Woody.

"He's so high."

And it's funny. 'Cause he is.

OMG everyone on twitter is BITCHING.
About EVERYTHING.
Y'all are oversensitive and butthurt and lame.

Our candy is gone. :(

The Dude abides.

Clooney's deadpan face = Kermit the Frog's frustrated face.

Penelope Cruz = My Little Pony.

Yet another great husband quote: "Well, I'd love Woody to win, but he'd hollow it out and make a bong."

Lovely Bones looks *nothing* like the book, but I still have a sick sort of desire to see it.
C'MON CHRISTOPH!!!!!!
YEAAAAAHHHH.

Alright, first award. Who's it gonna be???

AAWWWW YEAH WALTZ FTW, BAYBEEEEEE!!!!!!
"Uber bingo."
I love him.
But yeah, this is what Basterds wins. This is its consolation prize. It's got nothing else, I bet.

RYAN REYNOLDS TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT.
It's the only thing that makes you ok.

Ooh, I really wanna see The Blind Side. It looks great.

I haven't had a picture of something in awhile.
Let's look at NPH.

Ah. That's nice.
Ooh, David Baddiel's never heard of him. That's a shame.
I'd reallyreallyREALLY rather see the US commercials than this fucking Winkleman filler.

Why are they questioning the schtick with Clooney? It was obviously scripted with him, and it was hilarious. OF COURSE he was "in the know." Stupid Winkleman.

LOL. Cameron Diaz. She's high too, isn't she?

Cameron Diaz. Insectile.

YAY CORALINE!!!!!
When I grow up I want to be The Other Mother.

AWWWW YEAHHHH PRINCESS & THE FROOOOGGGG!!!!!

I just... *AM* Lottie.

Of course Up won. That is not a shocker. Oh well.
Hooray for Disney!!!

AHMAHGAH I LOVE YOU HANNAH MONTANAAAAA!!!!!!!

Stand up straight, Miley!!! You've got the goods, show 'em off.

I loved The Princess & The Frog more than life itself, but it MUSTN'T win for best song, as that would only encourage Randy Newman.
He must be stopped.

God, I wanna see Nine.
And I *NEED* to see Crazy Heart.

AWWW!!!! "I love you more than rainbows" is like, the sweetest thing I have ever heard.

GAHHHH SHUT UP STUPID BRITISH FILLER PEOPLE YOU ARE SPOILING UP FOR ME.

OMNOMNOM Robert Downey Jr is my boyfriend.

His tie is blooooooo. He is hotttttt.

LMAO sickly little mole people. God, I love him.

Here. Have a star-nosed mole.

Alright, Hurt Locker!!!! Is this a consolation prize or the start of a trend? I WANT IT TO BEAT AVATAR, PLEASE.

Anyone who really, genuinely believes that a fucking CGI-vomitsplat of blue people is a better movie than The Hurt Locker needs a swift kick to the taint.

Oh, Molly Ringwald. It took me too long to recognize you but you are so beautiful. And I am going to cry over John Hughes. *sigh*
We did just watch Weird Science last night.
Let the blubbing begin.

Holy fucking shit the Brat Pack.
Yeah. Blubbing.

Mmmmmmacaulay Culkin.
Would.

Hard.

Dry my tears, Sam Jackson, you BAMF.

Aw, little French man, don't apologize for your accent!!!

I AM SCARED WHEN CAREY MULLIGAN IS ON BECAUSE WEEPING ANGELS MIGHT BE AROUND.

And that's just not ok.

This shouting, gesticulating, Kanye-ing redheaded woman is terrifying.

NOT ME, SHUTTUP. I have purple hair now.

Check out the Snuggie hotness.

They really are rushing this entire thing dreadfully. I fucking PREFER long, drawn out, overrun Oscars. These people done good, they deserve to blub and have mouth-diarrhea.
LOL at Ben Stiller.

AHMAHGAH STAR TREK CAN HAS OSCAR PLZ?????
AWWWWW FUCK YEAH BITCH GEEKERY WIN MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!

LIVE LONG AND FUCKING PROSPER, BITCHESSSSSSSSSSS.

UNNH, who's your daddy???

Ah, The Dude.

You know, I think it can be drinking time now.
KoolAid & vodka? That's classy enough, I think.
Precious for adapted screenplay, not surprised. Reallyreally wanna see it.

I'm running out of steam here. Not because I'm tired, but because the Oscars are BORING ME.

I think we need some nekkid.

Oooh Queen Latifah.
She's just so purty.

Oooh, so is Lauren Bacall. CLASSY. For reals classy, not me classy.
Roger Corman, however, is ME classy. ;)

Yup, Robin Williams is lookin pretty sexy.
Ah, a proper award, Supporting Actress.
This one should be interetsing.

I should just put my knitting away, I haven't touched it since EARLY in the red carpet stuff.
GODS, I wanna see Crazy Heart.

Yay arbitrary punctuation Mo'Nique.
This has all been reeeally predictable.

So far.

AWWWW YEAH, THANKIN' HATTIE MCDANIEL. FTMFW.

WTF was that face about, Sam Jackson?

I heart vodka.

Tesco Value Vodka. You know it's worth it.
I have to pee.

SIGOURNEY WEAVER I LOVE YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUU.

Fuck you, Avatar.

HUSBAND, DON'T GIVE THE CAT BEER, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

Play the music, shut this douche up.
NOOOOOO NOT MORE SJP.
GROSS.

A foot in a sack. Beef jerky wrapped in vomit. Mister Ed. I've heard some good SJP comparisons tonight.

And why does Tom Ford talk like he's in the 1940s?

Hooo, I called Young Victoria for costumes.

DO NOT WANT Charlize Theron's dress.

BOOBS BOOBS BOOOOOOOOOBS LOOK AT MY BOOOOOOBS I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE BOOBS. That is what her dress is saying.

BORING I AM BORED.

Bored now.

I want more Steve & Alec. They're fucking funny, fuck twitter, fuck the haters.

Twunt with the too wide tie & PeeWee shoes just referred to NPH as "an usher that got a rush of blood to the head."

NONE OF THEM KNOW WHO HE IS.

Fuuuuuuuck.

This upcoming tribute to horror movies better fucking not be patronizing and insulting.

I *WILL* go to bed.

No I won't. But I'll be ANGRY ON THE INTERNET.

EEEEW TWILIGHT KIDS GO AWAY.

WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT, ARE THEY IMPLYING TWILIGHT IS HORROR?!?!?!?!?!?

I'mma cut a bitch.

This is a good montage, I am squeeing.

Yeah, no, I am SQUEEING. Freddy, Norman, Mikey, Frankie, Bruce Campbell!!!! BEETLEJUICE!!!! AHMAHGAH. NO, I am happy. EEEE KEVIN BACON ARROW IN THE NECK!!!! Come and play with us, Danny!!!!!

OH GOD NO DON'T SHOW PARANORMAL ACTIVITY I SCREAMED AND I MIGHT CRY SRSLY OMG THAT WAS NOT OK.

OOOH Silence!!! YAY DAMIEN!!!!! Rosemary!

I screamed during the Paranormal Activity bit. That was not ok. Don't do that. THAT WAS NOT OK.

Oooh, yes, Meta-Morgan Freeman, let's DEFINITELY take a look at last year's Acadaemy Award winning film The Dark Knight!!! YES, LET'S!!!!!

Mmmmmmistah J.

Heeeeeee. Freddy got on the Oscars.

I can die happy.

AWWW YEAH Hurt Locker.

That is a weird lookin' dude.

Kstew needs a good slapping. Just.... no more than that. Just what any sullen little teenage bitch needs. A mom-slap.

ALRIGHT, another Hurt Locker!!!! Is this more consolation or is it the start of the sweep? I WON'T JINX IT LIKE I DID MICKEY ROURKE LAST YEAR.

I'm feeling another lack of pictures.

Here. Let me make one.

Oooh Travolta!

I still would.

I know. The whole Scientology thing, and he's all bloaty and shit, but no. Would.

Just for the sake of Tony Manero and Danny Zuko.

Ok, and Vincent Vega.

Yeah, Sandy Bullock wins the whole look for me tonight. Not just the best dressed. The hair, the face, everything. She looks fucking perfect.

PERFECT.

Look at the part in her hair. PERFECT. She looks glorious.

God, they're rushing this. This is so horrible.

They've wrecked the Oscars.

And there aren't any performances of the best song nominees. Man. Fuck this. I'm really disappointed this year.

This is not a good Oscars. I'm sorry. Just no.

Fuck. In Memoriam. Gonna cry again.

But Demi's legs are the exact same color as her dress. That's kind of lulzy.

No, I really don't want to watch this.

Oh fuck me, James Taylor.

This is bad bad bad. I'mma cry. A lot.

Yeah. I did.

Fuck. I always forget about Karl Malden & every time I get reminded it's like a punch in the gut again.

You know something?

My dad's hot.

I come from good stock.

YES I AM TRYING TO DISTRACT MYSELF FROM DEAD PEOPLE THAT I FUCKING LOVED. I'm still crushed about Swayze. You have no idea. It was such a bad year.

But, um. SCUSE ME, WHY WAS THERE NO FARRAH FAWCETT OR BEA ARTHUR IN THE MEMORIALS???

Epic fail.

I would reallyreallyreally rather have people performing the best song nominations instead of this dancing to a medley of scores bullshit, please.

I want some food.

HOORAY SOMETHING BEAT AVATAR IN SOMETHING.

I don't even know. I have couscous.

STOP LICKING JAMES CAMERON'S SACK.

We're both flagging. Husband is sleepy, I'm bored. This is the least exciting Oscars EVER. Ugh.

WTF banjo music?

My cat is pretty.

I DON'T WANNA SEE SAD DOLPHINS.

Whoa, Oscar for epic documentary boobage!!!!

She's hot. Dude high fived Woody. I bet Woody's into sad dolphins.

Lulz, they broke rules with their silly sign.

Husband: "I'm gonna text Fuck Dolphins to that number."

Yeah. We're not funny anymore. It's 4 in the fucking morning.

HAHAHAAAAA DOUBLE SNUGGIE ON THE OSCARS!!!!

YEEEAH ANOTHER HURT LOCKER WIN!!!

AND YEEEAHHHH SAM RAIMI GOT THANKED!!!!

Win.

Ah, Keanu and your Butthead beard.

"Hey baby. Wanna stroke my beard?"

"Damn, we're smooth."

Awwww fuck, Let The Right One In missed being nominated for best foreign film because of its release date. Fuck that shit.

At some point Quentin Tarantino's nose and chin are going to touch, mark my words.

When I grow up, I want to be one of the ladies that gets a pretty dress and walks the winners off the stage.

I have a headache.

Poor little foreign man.

WOOOO KATHY BATES!

Dayum, girl, lookin GOOD.

Fucking christ, but Avatar looks stupid. I'm sorry, LOOK AT IT OBJECTIVELY. It looks STUPID.

Time to pee.

Alright. Best Actor. The Dude? Shall he abide? Probably. Little guy who played Jeffy Dahmer was pretty fuckin' good in The Hurt Locker though.

Michelle Pfeiffer's so fucking perfect.

You'd think Morgan Freeman as Mandela would be a shoo-in. But it seems to be pretty up in the air.

I LOVE YOU TIM ROBBINS WHY DID YOU & SUSAN SARANDON HAVE TO BREAK UP?!?!?!

Seriously. That tore my world apart.

Mmmmm Colin Farrell & little Jeffrey Dahmer spooooooning.

NO I DON'T KNOW THE KID'S REAL NAME, I DON'T CARE. SHUT UP.

Oh, Kate Winslet, you're so pretty. And SO FUCKING FILTHY on Extras. Rowr.

I dunno, maybe Clooney or Firth will grab this. I really can't call it. It seems obvious as The Dude, but I don't know.

THE DUDE ABIDES!!!!!!

Haha, all the other guys seem GENUINELY pleased he won. Alright Bridges. Fuck yeah. Awwww he's makin' me cry. <3<3<3

AAWW YEAH SEA HUNT SHOUT OUT!!!!! MIKE NELSON FTMFW!!!

Sorry. I used to scuba dive.

That was hot.

DUDE.

Abide.

Love it.

Ok. Best Actress.

Dunno bout this one.

Love Sandy Bullock, love Other Chick From Precious.

Just terrified there will be weeping angels every time Sally Sparrow.... er... Carey Mulligan comes on.

OMFG WHO IS THAT TERRIFYING PERSON BEHIND AND SLIGHTLY TO THE RIGHT OF HELEN MIRREN???

OPRAH IS ENCOURAGING ME TO SKIP SCHOOL.

SEAN PENN.

That's all, I just wanted to say that.

He's rad.

Ok, who's gonna get this one???

Alright Sandy!!!!

But again, no big shocker.

I think it was called THE BUS THAT COULDN'T SLOW DOWN.

Razzie one night, Oscar the next. Way to go, girl.

Whoa, she didn't thank her hot husband. Lame.

BABS OMG BABS Y'ALL IT'S BABS!!!!

Ok. Here we go.

The big face-off.

Which way are the big 2 gonna go?

AWWWW YEEEAHHHH BEEEYOTCH!!!!!!! WAY TO GO BIGELOW!!!!!!!

<3<3<3 Fucking EPIC getting your earth-shattering, history-making Oscar from BABS!!!!!!

I'll feel better if fucking blue-ass-fuckers win best picture now, because this is so goddamn good.

WHAT THE SHIT WAS THAT?!?!!?

They were like TOM HANKS GET OUT THERE AND SAY THE FUCKING WINNER NOW NOW NOW GO QUICKLY FOR THE GOOD OF THE CITY.

But YAAAAAY!!!!!! YAAAAAAYYYY!!!! *FLAIL*

Suck that, Avatar. Suck that hard.

Aawwwww, the little actor boys are being so cute back there. Bless their sweet little hearts!!!! They done good.

And now we retire to bed.

Oscars. Pregame.

2010-03-07T22:56:00.000Z

So, I'mma be doing this again, basically, I guess.
I've got my leopard Snuggie, some knitting, some Tesco Basics vodka, & my husband has the day off tomorrow.
Let's get this party started.

So... Yeah. Another meme. Suck it.

2010-03-07T01:33:00.002Z

Sunday Stealing: Another Meme About Me

1. Are you currently in a serious relationship?
Um. Married is fairly serious, yeah?

2. What was your dream growing up?
I wanted to be a mommy and a Thermos.

3. What talent do you wish you had?
I would dearly love to be able to sing well. Not being able to doesn't stop me from singing, but being able to do it properly would stop the embarrassment.

4. If I bought you a drink, what would it be?
Bloody Mary.

5. What was the last book you read?
Just finished my personally-inscribed-to-me-because-I-am-awesome-on-the-internet-and-know-way-too-much-stuff-about-Sunset-Blvd-and-have-a-shiny-gold-butt copy of Scissors last night. Bloody fabulous, it was.

6. What zodiac sign are you?
Gemini.

7. Any tattoos and/or piercings? Explain where.
Tattoos: Marilyn on my right hip, Harley Quinn diamonds on my right thigh, a peach on my left buttcheek, and a bear paw on the top of my left foot. And the little circle I did with an Xacto knife & India ink in college on the inside of my left heel but that doesn't count. Piercings: 3 in each lobe, rook, tragus, a couple-few helixes (helices?) 2 of which are an orbital, left nostril, left nipple and clit hood. Maybehopefully an antitragus soon... or a spiral helix.... 3 or 4-point, prolly 3, I have small ears and am running out of space.

8. Worst habit?
Severe, all-consuming, fuck the world laziness.

9. What is your favorite sport?
Baseball.

10. Do you have a pessimistic or optimistic attitude?
Both. Depends. About some things I'm insanely, pathetically, endlessly optimistic, and other things I expect the worst.

11. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
Probably an entire relationship or 2.

12. Tell me one weird fact about you.
My ultimate comfort movie, the thing I put on when I am at my lowest and need the movie version of a cuddle and thorazine, is Silence Of The Lambs.

13. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
Here is what I think about clowns, in alarming detail.

14. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?

Right this very instant, I'd like to stop breaking out like I'm 14 fucking years old. In a more general, longer term sense, I maybe wish my mouth wasn't so crooked.

15. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
What the shit? I don't even know who you are.

16. Ever been arrested?

Nope.

17. If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
Pay off a very, very, embarrassingly small fraction of my debt.

18. What's your favorite place to hang out at?
At the end of sentences, to police them for wayward prepositions, idiot.

19. Do you believe in ghosts?
That's iffy. But probably not.

20. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
All my time is spare.

21. Do you swear a lot?
No more than your average drunken sailor. Ok... maybe a teensy bit more.

22. Biggest pet peeve?
Misuse of the word literally.

23. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
Spandy.

24. Do you believe/appreciate romance?
What the fuck kind of question is this? No, seriously. Who wrote this shit? Do I "believe romance?" I don't even know what that means. Do I appreciate it? Yes.

25. Do you believe in God?
I don't fucking know. I do, however, know just what to do with a drunken sailor.

Not BPAL of the day: Gloaming

2010-03-05T21:49:00.002Z

Ba-dum-CHING! Jessica who sent me this imp dug and found that this wasn't even BPAL, it's Haunt! Awesomesauce!!!

___

I can hardly find anything about this online. Weird. Here's what it apparently used to say about it on the website when it was on the website:

Gloaming -- the time of day when the quickly darkening landscape meets with a glowing, ember sky. vanilla, dark patchouli, amber, mandarin orange and red clove.

This smells like Christmas.

It pretty much smells exactly like the description would lead you to imagine.... that almost never happens on me! But it does do that wonderful thing like Ephemera did where it smells entirely different on my wrists, in my inner elbows, on my neck, and in my cleavage. Different notes come out different places and I love that. I just really hope it sticks around longer than Ephemera. That left far too quickly.

Edited, a little later:
Call me a dirty hippie, but as this dries down the patchouli comes out more and more and makes this really special.

I don't even know.

2010-03-05T01:31:00.000Z

This is my new desktop.

Also:
I am awesome on the internet.

Stealing things. Sundaywise.

2010-02-28T15:18:00.002Z

Sunday Stealing: Harriet's Choice: The Disney Meme

1. Which non-Disney Princess Disney Film is your favorite?

Oh golly. I'm going to have so much trouble with this meme. I'm a WHORE for Disney. Hrm. Nonprincesswise, I desperately love Mary Poppins, Nightmare Before Christmas, the old and new versions of Alice, Pollyanna, the Parent Trap, Sword in the Stone, Jungle Book, Bedknobs & Broomsticks, 101 Dalmatians, Lion King, Peter Pan, Finding Nemo, Freaky Friday, Pete's Dragon, The Fox & The Hound, Hunchback of Notre Dame, all the Toy Storys, all the Pirates of the Caribbean ones... I could go on.

2. Which Disney film makes you cry the most?
The Fox & The Hound. I can't watch it anymore. No good will come of it.

3. Which Disney film makes you the happiest?
Enchanted.

4. Which Disney film has the best music?

GAH!!!! No, I can't choose. Disney music makes me so happy. They've had some of the best songwriters in the universe working for them. How about my answer is: Anything Randy Newman didn't have a hand in.

5. Which Disney film has the best love story?
Enchanted. But not the main one. Edward & Princess Nancy FTMFW. Princess Elphaba.;) And Maureen O'Hara & Brian Keith in The Parent Trap.

6. Who is your favorite Disney Princess?
PRINCESS NANCY. :DDDD But of the Princess marketing line, Ariel.

7. Who is your favorite Disney Prince?
The Beast, before he was a stupid poncey prince. I really liked Naveen in The Princess & The Frog when he was being a froggy. And Edward in Enchanted cracks me the fuck up. The rest are just pretty much lame blank slates.

8. Who is your favorite Disney animal sidekick?

Zero, Cheshire Cat, the one-legged pigeon in Enchanted, the Siamese Cats, Lucifer, Tito from Oliver & Company, Timothy mouse.... *sigh* Again, I could go on forever.

9. Who is your favorite Disney main character animal?

Hm.... Duchess, maybe.

10. Who is your favorite villain?
Captain Hook. I would HIT THAT. But lately I identify more & more with the Queen from Snow White. Damn kids, get off mah lawn & stop being fairer than me.

11. What is your favorite Disney song?

There is no possible way to choose this. Ever. Not even with a gun to my head.

12. What is your favorite Disney villian song?
I get way into Poor Unfortunate Souls from Little Mermaid. ;)

13. What is your favorite Disney animal song?
Everybody Wants To Be A Cat. 'Cause a cat's the only cat who knooooows where it's at.

14. What is your favorite Disney Princess song?
Maybe the Happy Working Song from Enchanted. It's just SO FUCKING FUNNY.

15. What is your favorite Disney Prince song?
One Jump Ahead from Aladdin.

16. What is your favorite Disney Prince/Princess duet song?
Once Upon A Dream from Sleeping Beauty, definitely.

17. What is your favorite Disney love song?

Oh golly... would Candle On The Water count as a love song? Once Upon A Dream, A Whole New World, Somewhere Out There... SO MANY. I don't know. Spoiled for choice.

Edited.... can I just rage for a second here? I can't even read other people's answers to this. I have to take some valium now. Shrek, Thumbelina? NOT DISNEY. Tinkerbell? NOT AN ANIMAL SIDEKICK. OMG I have to stop reading these. Seriously people. Pay attention.

Friday Fill-Ins (including a not-so-veiled hint to my husband)

2010-02-26T20:01:00.001Z

1. A cup of tea would be so so so amazing now. My new eucalyptus mint. Please? I have a migraine and don't want to get up to make it. And I really need to take my painkillers and have nothing to drink. I love you.
2. A lovely amount of clutter makes a place feel like home.
3. Everything has its beauty except for Jennifer Love-Hewitt.
4. Why does your mom possess the taste of strawberries?
5. Art makes me weepy, gooey, angry, ecstatic, blue, need, hate, rapturous, sad, feel.
6. LOL I just noticed I forgot to give your mom her edible strawberry panties back.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to EEEE SEASON 2 OF TRUE BLOOD STARTING OVER HERE, tomorrow my plans include having cramps and a migraine and eating lots of chocolate and being a big old weepy stereotype and Sunday, I want to watch some EastEnders and veg out!

edit:

Thank you, sweetie. <3

Realization.

2010-02-26T16:26:00.001Z

Roughly 12 hours after I saw Alice In Wonderland, I realized exactly why it was so good. It took me that long to realize that not ONCE during the movie or for that entire 12 hours afterwards, I didn't ever think "Oh, hey, that was a really cool effect!" or "WOW, that animation really was spectacular!"

Never. I completely, 100% accepted the world that Tim Burton showed me. Wonderland happened. He didn't make it, he presented it as it was, and I saw it and accepted it. And THAT is why it was an amazing movie.

And now for something completely different.

How bad is it, on a scale of 1 to never-speaking-to-me-again, that I vastly and genuinely prefer the Lindsay Lohan version of Edge of Seventeen to Stevie Nicks's original?

Oh, yeah...

2010-02-26T03:38:00.000Z

The heater stopped working again.
Good work, cuntburglar.

Drink Me.

2010-02-26T03:15:00.002Z

Sooooo, sorry if you're coming off my twitter, this is pretty much what I've been saying all night since I got home, just all repeated in one place.

That said....

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, ALICE IN WONDERLAND WAS BLOODY AMAZING!!!!!

[adopt me? please?]

Tim Burton does Wonderland. If you like the sound of that, you're gonna love the movie. There aren't any surprises, really; it does what it says on the tin. But it does it beautifully, and with such style & humor & poetry (literally, in the Jabberwocky sense) & Burtonian grace.... yeah. It was perfect. The 3-D was amazing, we were smack in the center front and it was engulfing.

It was what they called a "regional premiere," so before the movie started they streamed footage of the big Royal premiere in London, with all the fancy people arriving on the green carpet. Johnny Depp looks like such a lovely guy, he was standing in the rain for hours signing EVERY single photo, post-it-note, autograph book, magazine, boob, whatever, that was shoved at him. Everyone else did a few or didn't do any, did their interviews, and tried to get out of the (pretty much torrential) rain as soon as possible, but he was back in the trenches being sweet and humble and FUCKING BEAUTIFUL until the very last second. Seriously, how does that man do it? Better and better every day.

[see that? he is secksing me with his eyes. he loves me and wants to have like, ten thousand of my babies.]

They showed Charles & Camilla (*gag*) greeting the cinema execs, the Disney execs, and the cast. It was really lovely, Tim Burton & Helena Bonham-Carter's 2 little (adorable and wonderfully dressed) boys gave Camilla flowers & it was precious.

And then, yeah. The movie. I'll try not to give away too much even though you already know the story. (I hope. If not.... go away. Forever.) It's updated, in the sense of Alice is 19 and is going back, and there are elements of both of the Wonderland books, and all.....

I spend most of my life in a state of spiritual-5-year-old-ness, so I just sat there with HUGE EYES, completely enthralled, swatting at rocking-horse-flies and shrieking at the ZOMG SCARY jubjub bird and giggling like a maniac and saying lines of poems along with the Mad Hatter under my breath.... OMG Barbara Windsor dormouse.

HEEEE!!! Tiny, feisty, rodent Peggy Mitchell FTMFW!!! And the loverly mad March Hare and the neurotic little White Rabbit and the Queens (oh god, can I just BE Helena Bonham-Carter, please? Forever? She has my same birthday, it seems like it could work) and the Tweedles and my darling hookah-smoking caterpillar and CRISPIN HELLION GLOVER, FFS!!!!! (He didn't dance, though. Disappointing.) And I can't praise Johnny Depp's performance enough. Really. There aren't enough words. Literally. The necessary words don't exist, and I'm not as good at inventing them as Lewis Carroll was. Hattastic. See? That's no good. And Stephen Fry as the Cheshire Cat? AMAZING. He didn't just phone it in and do a Stephen-Fry-voicing-over-an-animated-character, no, no. Our Stephen is too classy for that shit. He played the Cheshire Cat. With his talking. It was beautiful. And the girl that plays Alice is really lovely. Just a beautiful little creature. Kind of like Claire Danes and Kirsten Dunst had a baby that was somehow not weird looking like either of her mothers. I'd wager she's got rather an interesting future ahead of her.

OMG OMG OMG, yes, so, at one point during the pre-game, as 'twere, there was a shot of Alan Rickman having an intense conversation with Christopher Lee (probably the oldest man I would pounce) AND THEY WERE NOT MIKED. That is some sort of crime. I would give anything to have been privy to that conversation. I don't even care what they were saying. Those VOICES. The two most amazing voices in the world right now, and possibly EVER. Just.... chatting away. I was making grabby hands at the screen.

And when the Prince was doing his hand-shaking stuff, nobody was miked up either, so you couldn't hear a damn thing, except when he was chatting to Christopher Lee. Sir Chris laughed and you could hear it, from some far-off microphone. That booming, beautiful, deep laugh. I clutched at my Wicker Man pendant and nearly swooned.

Then we got home and I cuddled up with my plush Cheshire Cat to watch the ice skating, but my kitty decided that Ches was HERS and she pounced him like I would pounce Sir Christopher, and humped the life out of the poor thing.

Is he smiling or grimacing?

Aaaaand, she's spent. If only there was such a thing as kitty-cigarettes.

So, in short, Tim Burton retains his god status.

NOW EVERYBODY FUTTERWACK!

Goin' To Wonderland, BRB. Plus BPAL & Sweet Libertine.

2010-02-25T15:47:00.000Z

I am so stupidly excited today, it's entirely unreasonable.

My husband scored us free tickets to a "regional premiere" of Alice in Wonderland tonight!!!!! AAAAHHHH!!!!!

So.... yeah. I'm just buzzing completely!!!!! I keep making random little squeaks and bounces.

I've got on all sorts of Tim Burton stripes and look very pretty indeed for all the royalty of Wonderland. Playboy Mommy and Karma have always been 2 of my very favorite Sweet Libertine colors to put together. I'm not.... you know... real big on the subtle.

[If she's a lady, I'm a vermicious knid.]

Plus, as it's in 3-D (though not red/blue, obviously) the combo made me giggle.

And also today I have put on (interestingly not Cheshire Cat, too obvious) BPAL's Oneiroi. I'm reading Sandman and it seemed right and good today.

Created to invoke the ancient Greek deities of dreams. On the shores of the ocean, somewhere in the West, they dwell behind their gates of horn and ivory. Soporific, dark and unfathomable: a somnambular blend of deep lavender, white sandalwood, jasmine, bergamot and mugwort.

I get *nothing* of the ingredients they list, weirdly. It's almost entirely ylang-ylang on me, with maybe a little bit of lavender far, far underneath as it dries, if you use your imagination. I love it. It's just not what I expected, reading about it. :D That silly Dream, always fuckin' with ya.

And now I am watching Willy Wonka (again, the Tim Burton one would be too obvious, so the original) and singing with the Oompa Loompas and trying not to explode with excitement.

[It never bothered me.]

Also it is payday so I get to eat McDonald's while we're out!!!! EEEE!!!!

I'm a cheap date.

Half-Nekkid Artsy Fartsy.

2010-02-25T03:00:00.012Z

With deepest apologies to the masterful William Blake. Sorry, Bill. It was 3 in the morning and the ice dancing was bloody boring.

If you haven't noticed already, I favor unmentionables that say things. If I must wear them, they may as well be interesting.

Also, this is my first go at doing a "scheduled-in-advance" post. I'm a little wary. If this posts at any point between now (3 AM on a Monday) and when it's supposed to (3 AM on a Thursday), I might throw things.

Blogger Fail.

2010-02-23T19:26:00.000Z

The Blogger is a lie.

Ironically, I got this fail-message when I came over here to unfollow someone.

Christian Side-Face-Hugger

2010-02-22T16:43:00.000Z

I am knitting a facehugger. I win at life. She only has half her legs at the moment, and they're not sewn on yet. She can only Christian side-face-hug.

Sunday Stealing

2010-02-21T22:52:00.000Z

Ohhhh, I see, this is why last week's only asked about two seasons. Durrr.

Sunday Stealing: The Clown's Meme 2

34. What do you like about the summer?
My freckles go CRAZY and I look like I have an awesome, freaky skin disease of FRECKLE MANIA.

35. What do you like about spring?
The sun coming back.

36. How many states/provinces have you lived in?
4 states, 1 county in England.

37. What cities/towns have you lived in?
Wow, yeah, that would take way too long.

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
Bare feet as much as humanly possible.

39. Are you a social person?
No, no, no, no, no. I bloody HATE people.

40. What was the last thing you ate?
2 mini Reese's cups.

41. What is your favorite restaurant?
Scalini's.

42. What is your favorite ice cream?
Baskin Robbins rainbow sherbet with rainbow sprinkles.

43. What is your favorite dessert?
At risk of sounding really vain, I make the best cherry pie in the entire universe. The fuckpie, though mine, and partially cherry, is NOT to proper specifications, as the correct ingredients don't exist in stupid, stupid England.

44. What is your favorite kind of soup?
Tom Kha Gai.

45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
Smucker's grape jelly, which you can't get in England either. They don't even have jelly. They have jam and jelly means jell-o.

46. Do you like Chinese food?
Very much so.

47. Do you like coffee?
Very much so.

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?
Not near enough. A couple-few.

49. What do you drink in the morning?
What, like first thing? I take ridiculous amounts of pills with water.

50. What non-banking related card in your wallet is the most valuable to you?
My Elvira Fan Club membership card.

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
The left, as you're lying on your back.

52. Do you know how to play poker?
Christ, no. I'm hopeless.

53. Do you like to cuddle?
More than almost anything. I'm SUPER cuddly.

54. Have you ever been to Canada?
Many times.

55. Do you have an addictive personality?
Dangerously.

56. Do you eat out or at home more often?
We're broke as shit, we hardly ever eat out.

57. What do you miss about highschool, if anything?
HAHAHAAAAHAAAAAAA!!!!! Fuck your mother.

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?
Not personally. There's some awesome celebrities that are my birthday twins, though. Peter Cushing, Pam Grier, John Wayne, Helena Bonham-Carter.

59. Do you want kids?
More desperately than anything in the universe. I hate this question. Why do my insides have to be a roiling, Lovecraftian mass of endometriosis?

60. Do you speak any other languages?
I'm rather adept at Pig Latin.

61. Have you ever gotten stitches?
Yep. Only once, accident-wise. The rest post-surgery type stuff.

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Yeah. That was kinda cool.

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
Being as I am a mermaid, I need a certain amount of ocean in my life, or I will be a sad panda. But I'll take a pool. I get to swim so rarely, I'd swim in a drainage ditch at this point.

64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat?
Window!!!

65. Do you know how to drive stick?
Your mom drove stick last night. No. I can't drive anything. I even suck at Mario Kart.

66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
Makeup and perfume and entirely frivolous things I don't need.

But Lancelot mused a little space...

2010-02-19T16:44:00.000Z

OMFGOMFGOMFG!!!!!!! LOOKIT WHAT I HAVE WON!!!!!!!

LADY OF SHALOTT YARN!!!!!!!! AHMAHGAH!!!!! There was a very real possibilty of hyperventilation when I saw I'd won.

That is my favorite poem of all time and the colors of this yarn are based on the Hunt painting of her which is BEAUTIFUL AND MAGICAL (this is a summa cum laude art history major talking, SO YOU HAVE TO AGREE WITH ME)

I seem to have come over all Anne Shirley.

(that is the face I make when I read Tennyson, too)

SAVE HER, GILBERT!!!!

Oh golly.
I'm so happy.

And now to make you all feel dirty for looking at me naked in the last post.

2010-02-18T18:46:00.000Z

BEBEH PHOTOS OF MEEEEEEE!!!

Already disapproving of the plans my parents had for me throughout the rest of my childhood.

That last one? One time when my dad was doing that, I puked in his mouth. Of course that was just last year.

No. I'm lying. Sorry. But I did totally hurl into his mouth when he was baby-flying me once. I win.

Half-Nekkid Theme Week, you say??

2010-02-18T13:44:00.003Z

Winter Olympics? Theme week?

Ok.

What the hell.

You absolute fucker.

2010-02-17T14:03:00.000Z

Don't you dare talk to me like I'm a stupid little woman, you asshole electrician.
I know the heater "only works at night," I know how the storage heaters in my own fucking house work, you condescending fuck.
Just for that, your buttcrack is going on the internet.

Fuck you, you absolute CUNT. Don't you dare condescend to me, would you pull that shit if my husband was here? Oh, wait, no, you'd ONLY address him and ignore me completely. I fucking hate you and all your ilk. Walking out when you fix it like I wasted your time because "it seems to be working now." Yeah, you twat, because you have the tools to take off the cover and get to the inside fuses. Fuck you, fuck your sister, fuck your mother, fuck your grandmother. I almost hope it stops working again so I have to drag your condescending, sexist fuckhead back here.

BPAL of the day: Baghdad

2010-02-17T12:54:00.000Z

BAGHDAD
Amber, saffron and bergamot with mandarin, nutmeg, Bulgar rose, musk and sandalwood.

Another one that looks perfect on paper, and then just isn't.
It smells way too department-store-commercial-perfumey. Almost chemical-y. And it goes all soapy on me, and the bergamot goes sour. I'm very, very sad. I've never washed off a BPAL scent before, but this may be a first.

I'm going to watch Hush... Hush, Sweet Charlotte now, and wait for a heater-fixing-man who may not actually be coming til next week.

In other news, I have the world's cutest husband.

BPAL of the middle of the night: Centzon Totochtin

2010-02-16T04:26:00.000Z

CENTZON TOTOCHTIN
The Four Hundred divine rabbits of the Aztec pantheon that preside over parties and drunkenness. Bittersweet Mexican cocoa with rum, red wine, and a scent redolent of sacrificial blood.

Holy mother of fuck, I smell like alcomaholic chocolate.
Seriously. Dry, bitter cocoa powder and rum. It's dark, very dark, and very dry. This is incredibly special.
I got an imp of this with my Peacock Queen.
If someone got me a bottle, I could die happy.
Hint.

Hint.

Plus it's named after four hundred drunken bunnies!!!!! HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY BE ANY BETTER?!?! Immediately to the top of the list, leaving every other BPAL scent I want to own in its delicious, delicious dust.

BPAL of the day: The Peacock Queen (SQUEEE, my Valentine's present, finally!)

2010-02-15T18:47:00.000Z

In dramatic contrast to the soft innocence of Snow White and the dew-kissed freshness of her sister, Rose Red, this is a blood red, voluptuous rose, velvet-petaled, at the height of bloom. Haughty and imperious, vain, yet incomparably lovely to the eye, but thick with thorns of jealousy, pride and hatred.

That is all.

Unconscious Mutterings

2010-02-15T02:36:00.000Z

Word association at 2:30 am is always fun.

I say ... and you think ... ?

Suitcase :: Travel
Exhaust :: Suicide
Olympics :: Figure skating
Video :: Porn
Cargo:: Pants
Previously :: ...on Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Wild card :: Joker
Artificial :: Limb
Gambling :: Addiction
Exhibition :: ist

I'm snuggly.

BPAL of the day: Diabolical Offspring

2010-02-14T19:30:00.002Z

Baby sweetness and a touch of brimstone.

I mostly wore this today in honor of one of my longest-ever-internet-besties having her baby girl yesterday. Remember how something in Black Forest turned babypowdery on me? Well, it wasn't supposed to. This one, however, is intentionally baby powder scented, and it's FABULOUS. It's a retail exclusive from Dark Delicacies. I would adore a whole bottle, like SERIOUSLY want, but I doubt it'll happen.

It smells like baby powder, clean baby smell, baby bath, baby lotion, BABIES BABIES BABIES, tasty, tasty babies, and then... just a hint, a little bit of..... something. Something slightly.... off. In the best possible way. Exactly how I'd want my own little bundle of evil glee to smell if I could ever get knocked up.

Bring on the tannis root.

Best. Valentine. Evar.

2010-02-14T18:00:00.003Z

I luff my husband. Disney & McDonald's. I'm a cheap date.
The Princess & The Frog was beyond beautiful. Hand drawn Disney wins life forever. Just one thing, though...
NOBODY WARNED ME I WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO STOP CRYING.
Fuck you for that.

But Tiana was beautiful and Charlotte was hilarious and erm... she was me. And: "HEY STELLLAAAAAAAA!!!!" OMG I squeed so loud. And all the little Disney in-jokes, and the baddie was SO sexybad and all the ancillary characters were pure Disney genius. But yeah, the hand-drawn-ness. Beautiful. I hope so dearly that they realize that it's OKAY TO DRAW SHIT WITHOUT COMPUTERS. It looked so much more beautiful than it would have if they'd done it otherwise. But yeah. Um. NEXT TIME WARN ME IF I'M GONNA BE GUTTED, OK?!?!?

But I got Surprise!McDonald's, so I was ok in the end. Mmmm. When you're broke as fuck, McDonald's is *such* a treat, you have no idea. It was delicious. I stuffed those delectable fries into my wordhole like nobody's business. Why do they screw you out of ketchup so hard, though? What happened to the days of unlimited free ketchup for all?

**VERY IMPORTANT EDIT** The Great British Ketchup Crisis.

Also I wore my bestest princess shirt:

And I put froggy princess Sweet Libertine on today and OMGWIN it totally held up through my waterworks. (which, by the way, started during the When You Wish Upon A Star overture when the Disney logo came on screen before the movie even began)

Twist of Lime (frog) and Studio 54 (princess). With a bit of Striptease around the edges for pixie dust.

And now I am home, under my lovely bunny quilt, on my lovely sofa, with my lovely kitty asleep on my lap, and my lovely husband all covered in sparkles from my glitter lip gloss, watching EastEnders. Such a happy day.

BPAL of the night: La Belle Au Bois Dormant ... and Sunday Stealing FTMFW.

2010-02-14T04:14:00.006Z

LA BELLE AU BOIS DORMANT
The Sleeping Beauty. A gentle, lovely scent, slightly soporific, but beautiful in its quiet repose. Plumeria and white pear, Damascus rose, tuberose, magnolia and evening dew.

[omg lookit, it's all twinkly!]

Mmmm, so I'm feeling all girly & shit tonight. Valentine's & all, I guess. I like my florals obscene and dripping, more of the O'Keefe, less of the Fragonard. I don't usually go for light, fruity ones like this, but for some reason I keep putting this one on all the time. I think it might be the magnolia. And yeah, if it's gonna be fruity-floral, it might as well be pear, which I adore. It's SUPER sweet, and I have to be in the mood for it. Which I am. And tomorrow, my husband will wake me up by kissing me and we will go watch a Disney princess movie. ::chorus of AAWWWWWWWW::

MEME TIME, BITCHES!

Sunday Stealing: The Clown's Meme 1

1. How old will you be in five years? 33. Fuck.

2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today? My husband & my cat.

3. How tall are you? 5' 5½". Half an inch too short to be a Rockette, half an inch too tall to be Tinkerbell at Disney World. The universe hates me.

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks? Ooooh, in just under 6 weeks I get to go back to America & see my family!!! SQUEEEEE!!!

5. What’s the last movie you saw? We watched Hannibal today. We're going to see The Princess & The Frog tomorrow. Gonna get my hand-drawn Disney on. WOO!

6. Who was the last person you called? Prolly my family. I don't call people very much. I'm terrified of the phone.

7. Who was the last person to call you? Either my husband or someone wanting money.

8. What was the last text message you received? I'm not that kind of girl.

9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail? Again, yeah. No cellphone. Sorry.

10. Do you prefer to call or text? Neither. Phones are horrible, scary things.

11. What were you doing at 12am last night? Reading British panel show slash fic. INORITE?!?! Watching QI has never been more fun. The Stephen Fry/Alan Davies ones are life-changing. STAY AWAY FROM THE IAN HISLOP/PAUL MERTON ONES. As Louise aptly said, "Ian Hislop is NOT FOR SEX." *shudder*

12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced? Married.

13. When is the last time you saw your mom? 15 months ago. That's too long for a girl to go without seeing her mommy.

14. What color are your eyes? Boring brown.

15. What time did you wake up today? About 2:30pm? Ish?

16. What are you wearing right now? Sod all, clothes-wise. Rather a lot of jewelry. My glasses. Perfume.

17. What is your favorite christmas song? GAAAHHH, how can I choose??? I fuckin' LOVE Christmas songs. Umm.... I really love the epic key change in O Holy Night.

18. Where is your favorite place to be? Asleep.

19. Where is your least favorite place to be? Doctor's office, hospital, dentist, stuff like that.

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere? Neverland.

21. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years? With any luck, back in the States with a few kids in tow.

22. Do you tan or burn? Ohhh, I burn like an abject little BITCH if I even think too hard about the sun, but luckily I also get the most amazingly intense freckles ever.

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?As a child? I'm still afraid of shit at night. Freddy, dead girls I can't stop obsessing over, motherfucking Weeping Angels, all kindsa shit.

24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh? Louise saying Ian Hislop was not for sex. There was snot involved.

25. How many TVs do you have in your house? 1.

26. How big is your bed? King.

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer? Both, but I hardly ever use the desktop anymore.

29. What color are your sheets? Right now sort of deep khaki brown? Cheap-ass "irregular" Calvin Klein sheets ftmfw.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 4. If Nyago counts as a pillow.

31. What is your favorite season? Summer. I need sunlight and the ocean or I stop existing.

32. What do you like about Autumn? Mmmmm, the smells.

33. What do you like about winter? Snow. Fucktons of it.

Sunday the 14th.

2010-02-13T23:57:00.000Z

I heart Valentine's Day.
I heart all holidays. Scrooges piss me off. Don't whine about Valentine's Day to me. If you're single, shut up and treat yourself. If you're not, shut up and enjoy it. Kiss my Tinkerbutt.

It's about 4 minutes to midnight now & I'm gonna give my husband his prezzie when it turns midnight. I spent a long time very upset about what I made him. It didn't work, at first. At all. There's no pattern for what I wanted to make him, I totally just winged this. Wung it? Wang it? Haha. Wang. Lol.

Have you ever bloody tried to knit a TINY hockey mask??!!? Seriously? Bloody hell. It looked like shit.

So was I. I cried.
But then I fixed it.

And now he is cute. And I have crocheted a machete.
When I was putting dry rice in his butt to give him a little bit of weight so he'd stand up, I was also looking around for something in the kitchen to dirty up his mask a little bit. Worcestershire sauce seemed as good an idea as any.

Oh fuck. I don't think I can resist.

Have a killer Valentine's Day.

Fuck. Strangle me in a hockey mask for that, seriously.
You're allowed.

No, really. I want you to. That was bad.

Also, this is the sweetest picture I have ever seen:

Jason loves his mommy.

And now I have to figure out how to crochet myself a Freddy.

Friday Fill-ins.

2010-02-12T00:25:00.001Z

1. (proper) Pickles do not exist in England.
2. I wish I had a lovely handmaiden at home.
3. The snow is not here.
4.Velociraptors are actually good cuddlers in nature.
5. It's 5:16 PM; that means nothing to me whatsoever, except that you're lying. It's 12:15 AM, hence technically Friday already, so I am totally allowed to post this.
6. That one person I'm stalking sure is hard to find.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to the same thing we do every night, Pinky... , tomorrow my plans include enjoying the fact that Zynga no longer pwns my soul and Sunday, I want to be all mushy & lovey & GROSS with my husband for Valentine's Day!

BPAL of the day: Black Forest

2010-02-11T19:09:00.001Z

BLACK FOREST
This is the captured scent of a cold, moonless night, lost deep within the darkest wood. Haunting and desolate, this scent evokes images of fairy tale tragedy and half-remembered nightmares. Thick, viscous pine with ambergris, black musk, juniper and cypress.

On paper, this sounds like exactly my sort of thing. In the bottle, this smells like exactly my sort of thing. But on me, some ingredient goes all baby-powdery. And that gives me a HUGE SAD. It's not prevailing, the gorgeous, thick pine is still at the top, even when it's long dry. But what should be a lovely, dark under-musk just... POOF! Baby powder. :((( I wanted this to be amazing. And it is. Just not on me.

Half Nekkid Bird's Eye View.

2010-02-11T05:12:00.000Z

BPAL of the... erm... night: Mania.

2010-02-09T01:42:00.000Z

MANIA
The personification of insanity, Mother of Manes, Goddess of Night Spirits, Mistress of Undeath, She Who Gives Life to the Dead. With Mantus, she rules the Etruscan underworld, and her scent is roiling chaos and churning madness, but because she is the mother of the Lares, benevolent household spirits, her perfume also bears an underlying gentleness, and, like madness, a strange sweetness. Screeching white musk collides with a howl of red musk, with sharp white grapefruit and pale strawberry leaf.

ROFL. No.
Mania can be summed up nicely in one image:

HEY, KOOLAID!!!

And I have no problem with this.

It smells exactly like my favoritest drink in the universe, KoolAid & vodka.

No kidding.
I love it. Definitely want to buy a bottle in that far-off "one day..."

Also, this is how I am feeling about Farmville right now:

The end.

Mermaid Left as Ligan. Please Reclaim.

Finale.

Cat-baiting.

Tumblr has stolen my heart, but this belongs here.

Or, apparently, no.

Yes.

Happy Birthday Marilyn.

It's been awhile. I know it's not Sunday yet. Know how much I care?

My Lovely Day.

Happy Anniversary, Half-Nekkid Thursday.

Did I mention that I heart tumblr?

OHAI.

Slog.

Mitigating the pain of a nation, one flounce at a time.

Gingers Have No Soul.

Delirium. Formerly Delight.

Knitting & Crochet Blog Week. Day The Seventh.

Knitting & Crochet Blog Week. Day The Sixth.

Knitting & Crochet Blog Week. Day The Fifth.

Knitting & Crochet Blog Week. Day The Fourth.

Knitting & Crochet Blog Week. Day The Third. (aka An Ode To Mimi)

Knitting & Crochet Blog Week. Day The Second.

I give up.

obligatory drunk blog post

Knitting & Crochet Blog Week. Day The First.

Oh, snap!

Boobquake 2010.

Baa.

Half-Nekkid Thursday from a different POV

A few of the things that occupy my Wordless Wednesdays.

Totally just ganking this...

Sunday Stealing. Gonna try out the whole pre-scheduled-posting thing again.

Oh, also...

Does anyone else keep reading that as "anal face?"

*crawls into a pit of gawth despair with a Djarum Black* BUT NOT BEFORE SOME NEKKID MENS.

Wordless Wednesday.

Home again, home again...

I dunno.

Dear Little Blog...

Celebrate The Risen Peep.

-

Palette Cleanser

Sunday Stealing: Can I do this in ten minutes or less?

Oscars. 2010.

Oscars. Pregame.

So... Yeah. Another meme. Suck it.

Not BPAL of the day: Gloaming

I don't even know.

Stealing things. Sundaywise.

Friday Fill-Ins (including a not-so-veiled hint to my husband)

Realization.

Oh, yeah...

Drink Me.

Goin' To Wonderland, BRB. Plus BPAL & Sweet Libertine.

Half-Nekkid Artsy Fartsy.

Blogger Fail.

Christian Side-Face-Hugger

Sunday Stealing

But Lancelot mused a little space...

And now to make you all feel dirty for looking at me naked in the last post.

Half-Nekkid Theme Week, you say??

You absolute fucker.

BPAL of the day: Baghdad

BPAL of the middle of the night: Centzon Totochtin

BPAL of the day: The Peacock Queen (SQUEEE, my Valentine's present, finally!)

Unconscious Mutterings

BPAL of the day: Diabolical Offspring

Best. Valentine. Evar.

BPAL of the night: La Belle Au Bois Dormant ... and Sunday Stealing FTMFW.

Sunday the 14th.

Friday Fill-ins.

BPAL of the day: Black Forest

Half Nekkid Bird's Eye View.

BPAL of the... erm... night: Mania.

crawls into a pit of gawth despair with a Djarum Black BUT NOT BEFORE SOME NEKKID MENS.